Goodness gracious great ball of fire! I absolutely hate this bittersweet endings! But I loved the story! You have such nice imagery, and beautiful figurative language! It was magnificently well-written! Great job!
Ahh, this is so beautiful. So in depth and in character...
The last line though, completely gave me shivers. Perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you very much - I'm glad you liked it!
loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you!
aww... poor remus..
Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
i love it...i know how it feels to love/like someone and not be able to have them..i love how remus expresses himself and i love "After all, all that matters is what lies beneath" i wish someone would make a fic about lily/remus or sirius/lily..but its hard since we all know that james and lily get married..lol..
Author's Response: Thank you - yes I know this story is a bit sad, but sweet all the same. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This story is positively heartbreaking. Poor Remus…
You have a pretty good grasp of his attitude here, and I do like seeing the darker side of him. It’s nice to see the conflict of loving your best friends girl and what happens in that context.
The biggest thing I could say is that everything happens too fast at the end. The beginning is nice, you set things up well, and then suddenly Remus is kissing her. I honestly think that he thinks more of James than that impulsiveness running through him.
Perhaps he has a few more thoughts going through his head. Perhaps he feels a few more things or even thinks he shouldn’t be doing this as he goes down to kiss her. Maybe it’s even the fact that he doesn’t know what to do when she’s actually there — for whatever reason she is there.
You left the story loose for interpretation, which is nice. The vagueness works for you. However, I have noticed that you are a bit em dash happy. And that is okay — but make sure you mean it — before you draw attention to them. :) Like here:
…eager to keep her warm — and then she is gone, wrapped in the arms of her lover.
A comma would probably be just as effective there. Em dashes draw attention to the sudden change of thought in the sentence.
Other than those two minor things, I really liked your interpretation of Remus in this situation. You wrote him well, and I enjoyed the directness of your writing. Nice job!
Author's Response: Wow - thank you so much for your helpful review! I agree that I am dash happy :) and that I rush things a bit too much, but I am glad you liked the story! I might go back and review it some more....
It was good, but I am veyr against Lupin loving Lily.He loved Tonks!It was really pretty though
Author's Response: To each his own - I was merely reacting to that one line in the POA movie where Lupin says, "She [Lily] was there for me at a time when no one else was..." Also, Lily was in his life ages before Tonks was, so he very well may have had a crush on her. Glad you liked it, and thanks!
i REALLY like this. its such an interesting idea for a story and i love how you write it. its sort of poetic and formal but at the same time really real, you know? maybe i sound like a blabbering idiot...hmm. anyway, the point is i like it!
Author's Response: Thank you very much - you're not blabbering at all! I'm glad you enjoyed it - it is the first story I've written that I actually thought about, you know? Thanks again!
wow...really love the story! it finally shows moony as more than that random werewolf guy that occasionally enters Harry's life...
it shows him as passionate.
you better write more!
Author's Response: Thank you! I wish I had time to write more - if you like this story, perhaps you may want to check out some of the other ones I've written.....thanks again!
