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Reviews For Lacrima Serpentis

Name: airolg (Signed) · Date: 12/10/05 20:03 · For: Chapter 22
Great story, you are really talented!! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Name: poisonivy91 (Signed) · Date: 12/10/05 10:29 · For: Chapter 22
I didn't think I'd ever be saying this, but Go Voldemort! I hope Malfoy listens to him the dirty little....Anyways great chapter. I can't wait to read more. 10/10 ~Ivy

Name: Sneaky_Rhae (Signed) · Date: 12/04/05 19:02 · For: Chapter 21

Okay this time I’m going to do two chapters in one, hope you don’t mind:

Chapter 20

*Calmly puts down coffee and rereads to make sure she read what she thinks she read* Yep, I read that right. How very interesting, Snape a father? I have read a few fics where Severus gets to have a happy life and little Snapes running around but what makes yours different is that they’re not happy, at least they’re not safe. In fact there is a very real chance that this kid might not even be born. Interesting, indeed. I do like that you let him confess that he never thought of himself as a father because there are oodles of people about that can’t wrap their minds around that either. For the most part though I really enjoyed how he took the news, it takes something big to get that scowl off his face and that sure did it. I also thought it funny that they feel comfortable enough with each other to mock each other, I never thought that I would see that happening. I do feel bad that the Order is ignoring her but it is kind of to be expected, everyone’s nerves are a bit frayed and no one wants to trust anyone else. I do think that the blood wand is an interesting bit too, I am really curious to see where all of this is going, you do tell a wonderful story.

My only quibble in this chapter: I relax my gripped jaw and stop wincing my eyes. Wincing eyes? I’m not sure what you mean by that.

Chapter 21

Ah, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. I must admit there is so much suspense in this chapter that my heart was pounding. I appreciate that even though we are now 21 chapters into this we still really don’t know about Snape. Before they go to the meeting it seems that he is concerned for Hermione, if not fully caring about her. He may even love her but there is enough mystery there still for it to be a question. I honestly cannot imagine a scarier and more horrifying experience than to be in the presence of one’s mortal enemy and once more, pretend that you are on his side. You left this a bit of a cliffhanger and I wish we had the new chapter already. I do hope that it doesn’t end too badly!

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 12/04/05 12:46 · For: Chapter 21
Voldemort finally appearing makes me worried for Hermione, but the maternal instinct that she has should help a lot. Not much excitement in this chapter, but it is definitely leading to some more things! I look forward to the next chapter, esp. since this one ended in a sort of Cliffie!

Name: poisonivy91 (Signed) · Date: 12/03/05 11:28 · For: Chapter 21
Uh oh. Hermione is in trouble. I hope she gets through this one. Good luck with the review thing. I hope you get it fixed. 10/10 on this chapter. Update soon. ~Ivy

Name: poisonivy91 (Signed) · Date: 12/01/05 15:35 · For: Chapter 20
Pregnant? Yikes! With Snape? Yikes! I hope he/she/it doesnt have a big hooked nose. Yikes! Well it was still a great chapter, with a great twist. I give you a ten out of ten. ~Ivy

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 12/01/05 12:15 · For: Chapter 20
I like the feel of this chapter. There has been so much sad and conflicting things going on recently, that the lightness of this chapter really helped. Wow, Hermione having Snapes baby....very interesting. I hope that the order opens back up to her. :( I understand why she is alienated, but still....They are totally misjudging her. That is what makes a good story though....conflict and original storylines.

Name: QueenHal (Signed) · Date: 11/30/05 1:56 · For: Chapter 1
Oh wow. Oh wow oh wow… I remember reading an excerpt of this forever ago, and am now wondering why I didn’t venture to read the actual story sooner. What I’ve seen tonight – this first chapter – is incredible. This perspective you have on the future of the wizarding world is haunting and desolate, but you’ve made it real enough to spark true fear in a reader’s heart. In short, you’re good at angst, and I have a feeling that as the story progresses, you’re going to get even better.

I also like the way you’re using present tense. For such a different kind of fiction, it’s a different, and an effective way of writing. I also think that you combine backstory into the current tale well – you don’t overwhelm the reader with the information, but rather do it in a way that leaves the reader wanting more.

I certainly can’t wait to move on to the next chapter and see what tale you have in store for us. Great job, Insecurity, I have a feeling this is going to be a really great read.

Name: chocomaniac (Signed) · Date: 11/29/05 1:18 · For: Chapter 1
Hi, i only just figured out how to review stuff so i thought i'd just say that your story is AMAZING! I'm serious, sometimes i sit down and start reading and it's like reading a real HP book. Just thought i'd get that off my chest. The romance bit, mmmmmmm.... i find the idea of it a little disturbing, but the way you've written it is really good. I WANT MORE!! So keep the great work up and keep those chapters rolling!

Author's Response: Arwwwww thank you so much! Being compared to the actual books is just.. well... wow! Thank you! Chapter 20 is in queue and chapter 21 is currently 10 lines long. I am going to keep with it, so keep checking back at least once a week!

Name: poisonivy91 (Signed) · Date: 11/25/05 13:49 · For: Chapter 19
Wow....ok I can't beat that review. Sorry, yes I do read and run. You caught me. Though I started reading this when it was Free The Wizarding World, I stopped. I forgot the story which was a big mistake. I came back to it, not recognizing it as the same story, and read the first few chapters. It came to me that I had read it before...so I read through the whole thing. This story is great, though the Hermione/Snape thing kinda creeps me out. Oh well, I'll get over it. I hope the next chapter is out soon. This story is just what I need. I find that i've been reading one to many Lily/James stories. This is something completely different. I give you a 10/10. You deserve it. ~Ivy

Author's Response: Thank you very much for coming out of the closet. I half regret changing the name because when I did, I lost a lot of my readers. Then again, the name was crap before!

The Hermione/Snape thing is going to get stronger I'm afraid, its my OTP so I'm going to just try and make it sound as credible as possible, considering its extreme unlikeliness.. I've got a few good suprises up my sleeve, and chapter 20 is in queue. Oh and if you want something anti-James/Lily try my "Can't live without my soul!", although I can probably point you in the direction of some well-written fics of that ship. Thank you again!!!

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 11/23/05 22:31 · For: Chapter 19
Get ready for 18 reviews in one.

Chapter 2

What really stood out in chapter 2 was the absence of two words. You never say Serverus Snape, yet he's a major player in the chapter. You leave it to the reader to see the character and recognize him if they can. If I didn't know that your one true pair was Hermione/Snape I fancy that I'd still recognize him in this chapter, but I have that bias to contend with.

Favorite line of the chapter: Great, I obviously lost my bravery when I lost my surname.

Constructive Comments: ...for lodgings here tonight", I reply. Dialogue error. ...he look like he has... Subject verb agreement there. There were also a couple of semicolons I wanted to kill.

Chapter 3

You open this chapter with Harry-Hermione. This isn't a warm fuzzy rekindling of their relationship. Harry even goes so far as to call her a Mudblood. I rather thought this was him trying to shock her, scare her away, and perhaps unconsciously protect her?

There is an early plot-point made about all magic that leads to personal gain being Dark magic. This confused me when I read it. Why would the new regime of Voldemort's make more magic taboo? Nineteen chapters later as I'm writing this review, it occurs to me that you may mean that Voldemort colors more magic as dark as a tool to make dark magic acceptable/palatable to the general population?

Hermione and Snape's meeting was interesting. Knowing where it's heading as I write this, actually makes it harder to comment on how this section made me feel at first. I've lost that emotion over the last 50 pages.

Line that made me giggle:All I want him to do is resurface for a second or two so that Harry can do a quick Avada Kedavra curse. *sigh* If it were only that simple.

Constructive Comments: I intend to return to my old role I used obtain for the Order. Sentence didn't quite make sense ...bony and dusty it is but a chair nonetheless. This description reads a bit off. Is the chair literally made of bones?

Chapter 4

The flashback chapter, it fills in holes. The one thing that struck me enough to break out my hi-lighter, was that Lucius killed Albus. Then Hermione takes on the blame. It's the first time for her, and it's a pattern she falls into a lot in this fic.

Chapter 5

This is the chapter where you start to enunciate some nice Machiavellian ethics. The ends justify the means, and all that jazz. I worry a bit that Hermione has so little hope going into this venture. Before she ever sets foot in her new home, she literally feels worthless and without any self-respect. Going into a difficult time without conviction and hope makes the situation more impossible.

Most striking description: The entry hall was disturbing to put it mildly.

Constructive Comment: ...horrible deformities, he is rowing... Comma splice.

Chapter 6

Hermione accepts the Dark Mark, and tries to save her childhood friend, Ron. I wonder if you allow for an old romance between them? I wonder. Seeing Ron broken and mad was very difficult, and it doesn't get any easier in later chapters I might add.

Excellent Twist: I was gearing up for an angsty drawn out series of chapters in which Hermione would be tormented by her inability to save Ron. You didn't go there. You saved him, and I wasn't expecting that.

Constructive Comments: A wand is raised in front of me, it sparks. Comma splice.

Chapter 7

The Trio is reunited. It's a twisted painful unhealthy reunion, but it's true to its story. Harry is almost optimistic compared to his earlier mood. I wonder if the arrival of Mad-Ron caused the change in attitude.

Favorite line of the chapter: One is without his mind, one is without his identity, and one is without her morals. Succinct, but powerful.

Constructive Comments: This is more a personal taste issue, but introducing the Christianity metaphors when Hermione is trying to talk with Ron seemed a little forced.

Chapter 8

And a chapter for repercussions. Hermione has another of what look to be many encounters with the elder Malfoy. She and Snape stammering through their fabrication, was scary, and Lucious resorting to the Cruciatus curse was not unexpected.

Chapter 9

Hermione and Snape start to get closer in this chapter. She's writing in the aftermath of her punishment and he's rather kind to her. How old would he be now? If he was 40ish when they started school and Hermione is 30ish now, that would make him 60ish. This fact keeps leaping out at me and making me go ewww, but that's my own mental problem.

Constructive Comments: ...when I have purposefully mess it up. Tense error. You need messed. ...cocking up a potion... What was the rating on this fic? ;)

Chapter 10

Diagon Alley was almost unrecognizable and destroyed. While Fred was diminished, and simultaneously the most hopeful character on the canvas.

Constructive Comments: I realize who the wolf is. This line had lots of potential and promised Remus Lupin in the near future, at least that was what I thought. Since I've read on, I can say, that you leave us dangling here.

Chapter 11

My thought about the Order meeting: What fireballs *sigh* But Hermione almost has a plan. Yay, for a plan.

Constructive Comments: Harry is sat...Sitting please :) Sputtering and splattering he hands it over, I smile slightly, he's not a natural potion brewer. Uber-comma splice.

Chapter 12

You can definitely feel the influence of HBP in this chapter. The wrenching of is he really evil then? Even those of us who don't love Snape as dearly as you, were conflicted by his fall from ambiguity to murderer. You reinforce his characteristic ambiguity with this chapter, and you push these two toward their maturing relationship.

Favorite line of the chapter: You mean to say you have every intention of turning me evil?

Constructive Comments: wont Is missing it's apostrophe.

Chapter 13

It's a strangely playful scene between Hermione and Snape as he practices Occulumency with her. Then the baby-Malfoy attempts his power play. It's a nice cliffhanger at the end.

Chapter 14

I didn't take many margin notes for this chapter until the end. Hermione is in a tight spot and getting through it will be difficult, but first, there's a night between her and her 60ish beau. No, I don't completely embrace this romantic pairing, but the read is still enjoyable.

Chapter 15

I refuse to comment on the intimacy scene. I honestly didn't read it closely enough. When a concept is causing me some mental anguish to imagine, I don't dwell there, apologies. It seemed well written from my point of view skimming it.

I was very worried about Neville when I realized where you were going, and your tendency to let bad bad bad things happen.

Line that made me giggle: …with a life expectancy around two weeks? A bit optimistic, I'd say.

Chapter 16

You let us think that everything went as planned. Very cruel of you, I might add. Hermione is nearly raped again, and I'm beginning to think SNape should just castrate the flipping reprobate before something unfortunate happens.

Chapter 17

The death of Neville was terrible, and emotionally devestationg. You handled Hermione's guilt, and grief well, with sensitivity and insight. Snape was a comforting presence.

Chapter 18

The scene where Hermione faces her friends was surprisingly calm and reassuring. Ron still makes me sad every time he creeps across the canvas, but that's to be expected I suppose. Harry being sensible? It was a nice change.

Chapter 19

I found this chapter frustrating! Mainly because Harry turns on Hermione for intimacy with Snape, when he could forgive her for accidentally killing Neville? It just baffled me. Ron is insane, and that's one thing, but Harry should have more sense. I mean, he and Snape haven't even exchanged cross words in this fic. Harry practically vouched for Snape to Hermione earlier in the fic.

That bit aside, it was a powerful angsty sad funeral. *sigh* I hate that's Neville had to die.

Final Thoughts I think your concerns that this fic falls apart when held up together are unfounded. I pointed out the one spot where I think you left us dangling. The rest of your plot lines seem cohesive and steady. You have a unique voice Insecurity, and I look forward to your next installment. As usual, I choose to be an optimist, and I hope you allow these poor tortured souls a happy ending eventually.

Happy Writing!!

Author's Response: Wow - this has to be the longest review I have ever seen! *Gives Bridget a crown made out of turnips* Thank you very much, this has really helped me get an overview of the story and I promise to sit down one hour and run through all the errors and correct them. You've really helped me with this story, because now I know which bits I need to round up and which bits are doing okay.

You say about Christian metaphors in chapter 7 --- I have to agree, and I will tone that down a bit. When I read back, I cringe at the melodrama of that chapter.

Just to clear up the age difference, I went on the HP Lexicon (which we have to admit is the HP bible! The picture of Hermione on there looks somewhat like her… kudos to Lexicon!) Snape was born in either 1959 or 1960 and Hermione was born 1979, this makes him either 19 or 20 years older than her. Seeing as this story is set in autumn and Snape’s birthday is in January, I will deem him 49 years old. Still too old? Possibly. There is also the factor that Wizards live longer than Muggles, Dumbledore died at 150 (and not of old age, also Sophie told me to tell you that Dumbledore had ginger hair until he was about 100 and so thats evidence that wizards can boogie on for years!) so we can assume that the men keep their youth just a little longer, perhaps a decade or two. This would make Snape “slightly past his prime.” *senses victory*
I am genuinely sorry about the sexy scenes, Bridget, I don’t usually go in for that kind of thing *is a nice Catholic girl underneath it all*

Thank you for all the "lines that made me giggle" -- they reminded me taht I *do* have some type of sense of humour!

You've really helped me here! Thank you again!

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 11/23/05 22:03 · For: Chapter 19
I think this chapter was very intrigueing. Harry letting Hermione have her word of fairwell was great. It really shows that he really believes she didn't do any harm on purpose. Ron's state of mind really goes with everything you have been writing. I understand his pain when he sees Hermione kiss Snape. Snape is still very interesting. I feel he has really come to have feelings for Hermione and seeing him at Dumbledore's grave shows some of his character. I am still looking forward to reading more. This story is very different from so many of the other stories here. That is what keeps me reading.

Author's Response: Thank you for another very insightful review. It was a tough chapter, lol.

Name: birdwarrior (Signed) · Date: 11/23/05 5:01 · For: Chapter 19
I am hooked on this story! I really like your writing. By writing from Hermione's point of view, it provides a much more interesting and different viewpoint than we are used to. Plus, you are not trying to write like JK Rowling, like many of the other authors on this site. Keep up the good work -- but also watch your grammar and spelling sometimes. Your writing is excellent, but it just kills me to see stuff like "[...] on top of the same fallen hero's" (it's plural -- no apostrophe!) and Colin Creevery. It's distracting, like an opera singer peforming in an ugly dress. The performance can still be good, but the dress takes away from it. But I still love this fanfic. Keep updating!

Author's Response: *laughs at the strange analogy* You are my Simon Cowell!!! I am sorry for my embaressing errors, I am quite lazy, my grammar has never been perfect and maybe the mods should be more strict on me... Lol! I am glad you are enjoying it, it's about to get even more interesting (I spent my maths lesson planning out the next few chapters... you are in for a scare!) Thank you foir the review, it keeps me motivated! Next chapter I'm hoping to be up this weekend.

Name: Sneaky_Rhae (Signed) · Date: 11/20/05 19:54 · For: Chapter 19
Thought I'd give you a bit more than usual this time around, sorry if the formatting goes a bit wonky! Another thoroughly intriguing chapter, I love your writing so much because it makes me think! First of all, I love the poem choice. I think it describes perfectly what they are all trying to accomplish, and an interesting choice in having Fred read it but it really fit well. You do very well in the characters across just by the way they stand around at the funeral. For example, Harry shielded by his cloak, Colin a wee bit scared, and Fred hiding behind his hair. The best bit though was this, Ron Weasley, a distance away, is lying on his back and gazing up to heaven. You’ve really taken him back to really where I think he would be psychologically given all that he has suffered. Now he has all the wisdom (and children are wise, albeit in a totally different and innocent way than adults) and wonder of a child. That, and he has the ability to say the simplest of sentences that hold the most truth. This one really spoke to me, as an example, He smiles, but only slightly. “Why are we at a funeral? I really don’t like them.” It was really touching that you have Hermione really trying to connect with him, I know you don’t support R/Hr as a ship but there is a strong friendship there and I think that Hermione really is longing for that sort of support again. The end brings it all home though, Ron cannot really understand at all what is going on, he doesn’t really have the mental capacity to, and all he sees is betrayal. As for Snape, I feel tremendously that he is seriously grieving for Dumbledore and I think that’s what you’ve given us here. When I read this though, “I cannot trust you, not in this present time, Hermione. To do so would be to cause even greater pain, not to me, but to you.” I have to admit that I couldn’t really puzzle it out, but that’s who Snape is, isn’t it? He’s never going to say anything outright, he’s way too enigmatic for that. I also think that it is his style to call the shots when it comes to their physicality too. Perhaps when he lets her kiss him it isn’t necessarily trust, but more of the same sort of security that Hermione is describing for him as well? Leave it to Harry to get in the zinger comment though. Somehow I have always seen him as the closet vindictive sort. All in all, I am loving this story so much. Just to let you know, I have added it to my favorites.

Author's Response: Arwwww, thank you very much Rhae. I've really enjoyed reading this review. I am glad you connected with Ron's psychological state... I did minimum research into the type of behaviour and was worried that it wouldn't pull off. I need Snape to say that line because of something later on... it's one of these "it all becomes clear later" things. I think from now on I'm going to pull a few answers out of Snape, rather than leaving you too confused.

I really recommend you applying to SPEW! You do enjoy reviewing and your reviews have been of significant benefit to my story, as I'm sure your reviews are for most the authors you reply to. I really respect your dedication and its helping me push on with the story. Next chapter should be up soon, I've nearlly finished it - it's a bit more light-hearted!

Name: orange_balloon (Signed) · Date: 11/20/05 16:33 · For: Chapter 19
I've been reading along for quite some time but this specific chapter has moved me to comment. Hermione's slipping sanity, Ron's madness and anger, and Snape's appearance at the graveyard all play nicely into one another. Finally in this chapter, I can really see why Hermione has given herself over to Snape - not because she was playing a role or because she needed protection, there is simply nobody else she can turn to. She had isolated herself so much from the magical world that the only other person she can cling to is another outsider. Nice work throughout of keeping Snape mysterious and difficult to read.

I do have one question for you - why are Harry and co. angry that Hermione was kissing Snape? I could completely understand Ron's anger, but Harry's and the rest of the Order's I don't get. They agreed to let her go into the Death Eater camp as Snape's "wife" but now she's suddenly betraying them by having feelings for him? Perhaps there are more answers in the next chapter, but I had a bit of trouble with this one point.

Regardless, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for this review, I am really pleased that you have connected with the story. This chapter was probably one of the most difficult to write, so I am glad you managed to pick up on many things.

As for the Ordrs reaction, especially Harry's, I wanted to show how they did trust Hermione but also how they fail to understand her or the seriousness of her situation. Harry reacted that way because he still despises Snape, nevermind trusts him, and he only condoned her pretend marriage with him because he felt there was no alternative, but is extremely let down when he realises that Hermione actually ses Snape in this light.
Feel free to drop in another review, I'm updating soon because c20 is nearlly finished! Thank you again!

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 11/17/05 13:14 · For: Chapter 1
Dark and angsty. You definitely categorized this fic correctly. You sort of open with the unhappy ending, the hull of Hogwarts, the wreck of Harry, the penitent Hermione. All the images build to an emotionally desolate place. It is not a hopeful beginning, but it isn't completely devoid of optimism. Hermione is asking Harry to fight on. Will the next chapter move into the past, or move forward, I wonder? The past is going to be ugly, but maybe the future isn't? Constructive comment: A comma splice bit me on the nose. The lake still remains, it floods onto the banks like it used to.

Name: Prefect1991 (Signed) · Date: 11/14/05 21:41 · For: Chapter 18
I just read this story tonight.. I love what you have happening here!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am going to be putting chapter 19 in queue very soon, so watch out for it!

Name: Sneaky_Rhae (Signed) · Date: 11/08/05 22:53 · For: Chapter 18
So much happens in this chapter! Don't worry, it wasn't tedious to read, very enjoyable actually. At the beginning, I liked how Snape was showing pretty heavily that he might indeed care. However, he understands that she does have to go it alone so he lets her. I think he realizes that she is strong in her own right and allows her to be. As for Harry and Fred being so understanding, I think that it gave Hermione a little of herself back. I think she was so entrenched in darkness and despair that she forgot for a while that her old friends were there. And Ron, a moment of saneness! I think it is interesting how Hermione is starting to wonder about him and his feelings toward her. I wonder what more he would have said to her if he had been in a capacity to do so earlier in the story. As for your note, things are heating up a bit? I say bring it on, it can only get better!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for yet another lovely and detailled review! I realised that I'd left Ron hanging around Grimmauld Place, completely mad yet floating around with no function. That is why I included him! I'm very anti-R/Hg but I think there may be truth in Ron's feelings for Hermione and realised this would be a wonderful root cause of his "hatred" of her (for want of a better word.)

Things are heating up, yes. My next chapter is going to round off this section of the story and then I'm going to push it to its conclusion. I would say its going to be "darker" but I don't think I can physically make it darker (without putting Hermione in a big abyss somewhere) and I am going to put in one possitive element. Hehe. Stay Tuned! Now that my essays are completed for Uni applications I'm going to spend time on fan fiction.

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 11/08/05 9:22 · For: Chapter 18
I like this chapter. Hermione's strength to face her friends alone was great. Snape being there would have caused them to not listen to her. I'm glad that Fred and Harry gave her the chance to explain all that happened. I also liked Ron's reactions. It seems that Hermione's madness might be touching on his, to pull them both back to sanity.

Author's Response: Thank you, once again! Yes, in many ways I wanted to remedy Ron's madness a little and by doing this appease Hermione's own fraught spirit. I realised that not everything can go bad for her. I first was going to make Harry very angry but then I realised that Harry is an understanding person, he has faced death as a teenager and so can cope with it as an adult. By having them forgive her, she may finally allow herself some peace.

Name: PotterBoy94 (Signed) · Date: 11/01/05 14:57 · For: Chapter 1
Loved it!!!!!!!

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