I have to say I love your poem! Although, without reading the summary (I liked the title!) I thought it was about Snape. The last line is what made me make this face: :O. So I read it again. On the second read I thought more about the poem, and things seemed more girlish and nothing that Snape would write.
There is silence where
We used to talk.
Feet are still
Where we used to walk.
This is my favorite stanza. It is very well written. The last part doesn't make sense at all, but I still get it. I love lines like that. And what I understand from it is amazing. Its a great way to show how they're not together anymore.
Now it's all over,
Our friendship died.
It was nice while it lasted,
The ending aside.
I like that stanza, but I was thinking that the comma between the first and second line could be changed to a semi colon. If you did that I think adding 'has' before died would make it better. But that's just me because I like the fuller stop there. But I think both work. Just a suggestion. :)
I've read all of your poetry, and I have to say that I loved every one! I think you have a great skill with Lily/Severus! Please write more? :)
i really liked the "know its something to miss" and the part about "Ending part aside"
i love the uncertainty you feel while reading it. You feel confused and of balance, sort of in a mist, and the only thing you can make out - the only thing that you are certain of - is that its all over. And i love the fact that she can't figure out even how that happened. *tear* very well done.
Author's Response: I thought we deserved to see a wild guess at what Lily's thoughts might have been like. So I smushed my thoughts of her thoughts into rhyming stanzas, and here we are! Thanks for your review!
i love how you got everything to ryme(srry misspelled ryme..im not sure how to spell it:) ) it was a sad poem but i thought it was very well written..i did leave a review twice for ur new poem..sorry about that..fab job hun:)
Author's Response: thanks, i never really feel that poems that don't rhyme are really poems...at least when i write them! free-verse isn't quite my style, but i like other authors' free-verses!
This is so sweet, it describes everything someone would have used chapters and chapters for. I love the way you did it so Precisely. Loved every single word :)
Author's Response: Thank you so so much! I thought it might be too sad, it even makes me cry if i think about it!
Absolutely excellent. Thank you.
Thats really sweet
Does your poem state Severus lost his kid like innocence from Lily's POV? I really like the fact that you implied Lily once had feelings for Severus. I am supporter of Lliy/Severus and will always be. I really enjoyed your poem. Thank you.
Author's Response: I guess it implied that his child-like characteristics were lost, but I was mainly going for a sort of Lily-misses-Snape-but-doesn't-like-his-crowd-so-will-get-over-it-gradually thing. I enjoy lily/severus fics too, they are probably my favorites!
*sniff* good poem!
Author's Response: I am really gald you liked it, all of you! I am sorry if it made anyone very sad, but I am kind of a fan of sad poems/stories, so it makes sense to me. Thank you all for being my FIRST EVER reviewers! *hugs*