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Name: dani123 (Signed) · Date: 07/09/08 9:12 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
That was so amazing! I really like the style that you used to write it. You should write more poetry! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I have been trying to get back to it and finish up another story at the same time but hopefully I will have something done soon.

Name: wyoming150 (Signed) · Date: 11/10/07 17:15 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
I love snape and was so sad when he died leaving his memories to prove his goodness. The ode was beautiful, good work.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. He was much more complex then many would have thoughT and I hoped this ode portrayed that.

Name: abbs866 (Signed) · Date: 11/08/07 21:45 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
GAGH! I'm late again!

This was so incredible, Rivah. Unlike Nuw, i have no real opinion of Snape, but this really brought his focus out to the light and it shined brightly.

As Kate did below, I have one nitpick. One single word changed it all.
It shattered what was already thin.
That day you started building a wall.
One that wouldn’t allow me in.

I loved this stanza, I truely did, because it really was that one word that broke their friendship. My only confusion is that your symbolism is too perfect.

You painted the image of a wall that Snape shattered by calling Lily a mudblood, at least in my head, but then you said that Lily built a wall to keep him out. While both these work, it's a bit confusing to have them togehter - I think it's just because you're such an amazing poet that your words gave me that picture. Call me crazy!

The long wait was well worth it. (Wait was well worth -- can you say aliteration?) I'm glad it's here, and glad I asked you to help the Toasters earn some points in this challenge, otherwise you'd never have produced such a wonderful work.

Good luck in the challenge! Rah-rah Toasters!


Author's Response: After that day that Lily and Snape have it out after he calls her a mudblood, she emotional builds a wall that won't let him in. The bond waswhat was thin after them being in seperate houses and there divergence in friend choice. Thanks for the compliments. I am always willing to lend a hand to the house.I hope one of us poetic toasters managed to get us some much needed points.

Name: nuw255 (Signed) · Date: 11/07/07 22:54 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
Very touching and insightful poem, Rivah. To be totally honest, after DH was published I became probably the most anti-Snape person I know (not because my feelings for him changed, but because pretty much everyone else's did). I think the reason for that is because, after seeing his history with Lily, I can't bring myself to call what he felt for her "love". It seems more like a stalker-ish obsession, to tell the truth. James loved her enough to want to change for her. Severus just wanted to change her to fit his own ideals.

I wanted to tell you all that because I didn't want you to think you'd made me think less of him. You have done a very good job of capturing the emotions here -- and actually, now that I think about it, the poem is from Snape's perspective, and in his mind, at least, what he felt for Lily was true love. So for the purposes of your poem, forget all about my Snape rant. ;-)

Sorry, Rivah, I've been ranting a lot in reviews lately, and it's going to get me into trouble. Just know that I think you did a lovely job here -- I think most of us have experienced "unrequited love" at some point or another, and both your content and word-choice do an excellent job of conveying the despair with just a tiny glimmer of hope that characterizes such a one-sided relationship. I especially like the phrase "the heart none believed was there." Not only is it a wonderfully poignant phrase, it's also a perfect description of Severus Snape, a character who was able to bury his emotions so thoroughly that he fooled Voldemort for years and became a bitter old man before the age of thirty.

Bottom line: I really enjoyed it. Sorry for the incoherent ramblings; if I happened to type anything offensive, you know it wasn't intended. Talk to you later!


Author's Response: I am not offended in any way and I honestly enjoy your rants. It was all on topic so I think you are safe. Thank you for the compliment. I kind of agree with you about him being a little stalkerish. I think since he had no love to draw from in his life, this was the closest he could get. Speak to you soon. Rivah

Name: Moony 62442 (Signed) · Date: 11/07/07 20:55 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
Perfection as always, Rivah. And it is quite insightful, not that you ever aren't of course. One of my favourites, and believe me it is a difficult choice to decide which of your poems is a favourite of mine. Excellent job. : )
~Miss Moony

Author's Response: Awwww, thanks love. I had a decent amount of feeling to draw from. It is a painful thing, unrequited love but one should always hope. Tomorrow is another day and a change of heart can be around the corner.(sorry eternal optimist)

Name: Euphrates (Signed) · Date: 11/07/07 14:25 · For: A Heart No One Believes Is There
...*tackles* Whew! Update!

And before I begin praising anything else, I will start with the ending.

My initial reaction went something like this: "...wow." My brain exploded. My second thought was, "Oh my Godric, that's pretty incredible."

I'd just like you to know that your ending was amazing. It may sound like I'm exaggerating here, but it really struck something inside of me and I really liked it. *stares and memorizes*

Just a few things that bother me are word choice (like 'cede' didn't feel right, nor did 'allow' feel right in the flow of the second stanza, though that may not be your faul but the challenge's restrictions) and the way you changed from first person (I, me, etc.) to the second person (you, your, etc.) in the third stanza. It seemed as if in the beginning you were referring to Snape as 'I', and then as 'you', and then as 'I' again. It didn't seem to fit - however, I could just be misinterpreting this...*tilts head to the side*

But besides this, I love it all. The rhyming is fantastic, as is, well, the entire poem. Gold star for excellence (XD)! This poem is amazing and another excellent additon to your archive of amazing poems...


Author's Response: thank you so much for your review. It was as usual complimentary and insightful. I used the you and yours as generealized plurals for love in general.( Although Snape may not normally wax philosophical, I am assuming he usually doesn't write poetry either,lol) You were correct about the word choice, it was definitely due to the restrictions. I really appreciate your wonderful reviews. Rivah

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