Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 10/25/07 14:09
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

:) That was sweet! I liked seeing the kids as babies! Very cute! And I liked the entrance of the adults at the end, and seeing the family all together. That was great! This story is really very cute, but not disgustingly so! Lots of luck on the challenge!

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review. The fact that it previously was rejected becuase Lily wasn't talking in an age appropriate way and I had t change her words to 'ssosy' and 'prettiful' made it cuter i think :) ~Nicole

Reviewer: Skipper424
Date: 10/24/07 11:15
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

Hello, FotP! It is nice to see another member of Hufflepuff House entering the contest. I just finished reading your entry and I thought it was quite nice. As long as you don’t mind, I’d like to take a few moments to share a couple thoughts.

First of all, I just love the way you characterize all of the main players in your-story. In particular, I thought your dialogue was nicely done. The intentional misspellings worked very well, “Twuble” and “Nufing” were my favourites, I think. I also really liked how you wrote Teddy, a bit older and smarter, observing this whole devious plan to get the cookies from inside a cupboard.

Now, I hope you don’t mind constructive feedback, because I have some of that too. It doesn’t mean I like your story any less, just observed some things you might be able to alter slightly to make you story even better.

First, the following sentence seemed to be missing a word. I took a guess at what you meant, and underlined the word I added (which is how I read it): His black, messy hair fell down into his six-year-old face, but Teddy watched as he shook it out of the way.

You had another sentence where you used the same word twice. It makes your sentence sound weaker than it could, or repetitious. When Ginny gave the kitchen a look over and left the room to retire to the lounge room, … I would suggest just deleting the first instance of the word room to fix this problem. So, the sentence would read: When Ginny gave the kitchen a look over and left to retire to the lounge room, … It doesn’t feel like you lose anything by dropping it. The sentence retains all of its original meeting … the only thing that is gone is the redundant word choice.

This was a really fun story! I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!

Author's Response: Thank you very much Skipper424 for the excellent review. And as for constructive feedback, I love it. Thanks for picking up on a few things. I'll fix them when I can. Great review! ~Nicole

Reviewer: GryffindorGal87
Date: 10/23/07 12:09
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

Perfect! A wonderful window into the Potter household! Keep up the great writing.

Author's Response: Well, when the window is left open, take a peek inside I guess. Thanks for the review. ~Nicole

Reviewer: daffy
Date: 10/23/07 3:44
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

aawww! dat was so cute... i loved alll the kids... truly adorable!! espesially lilly!! n james... definitely a marauder in makin!!... n teddy... well i like dat kid in a biased kinda way... don kno y!!
gr8 fic!!

Author's Response: I can definitely see little Jamsie being the next Marauder in the family. And Teddy might help out on some pranks as well. His powers might come in handy sometimes. Thanks for the review. ~Nicole

Reviewer: James Jameson
Date: 10/22/07 18:33
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

great job! quite funny! i like the sossy part

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. "Sossy!" I love that! I actually had to change the way the little ones were speaking into words like 'Prettiful' and 'Sossy' becuase it got rejected for that. Thanks again, Nicole :)

Reviewer: JustLikeHermione77
Date: 10/22/07 16:59
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

LOL! good story!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I actually got the idea for this from real life. Well, parts of it. James wanting to get the jar and using the chair to climb up onto the bench was inspired by a little story my Mum told me about my brother who when he was little, he used a chair to climb onto the washing machine to get the 'pretty pink bottle' from a shelf in the laundry. Aka, washing liquid. Lol. ~Nicole

Reviewer: Wicked_Quill
Date: 10/22/07 12:21
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

Aww. This is such a cute little story! The babies are adorable!

Author's Response: That you very much. I loved writing this, little kiddies being adorable and naughty at the same time. Love it. ~Nicole

Reviewer: Merlin the Weirdster
Date: 10/22/07 11:01
Chapter: James Potter = Mischievous

i like it, except that teddy isnt a goody-goody for telling on them, but i suppose he is older and enjoys watching the younger kids get into trouble....

funny how the little kids talk, especially lily..

“I sossy, Jamsie!’ she said, stumbling over words. “Real sossy!”

that was hilarious... keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you. I think i rather like writing Humor fics now! With the way the little kiddies talk, I had to write that way because it got rejected forthem speaking like an older child. Thanks again for the wonderful review! ~Nicole

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