MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Suika07 (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 22:50 · For: Dragon Under the Bed
oooo things are definitally getting good now!
your use of description is great, especially in that dream sequence. i love those interpretive dreams in stories, and it seems you do too!
you're also developing Nott very well. its interesting that he did not take the map, yet is involving himself by this threat to draco! you did say earlier that he will be really important, so i'm interested to see where you will take his character. :)
I really like your word choice here:
"Draco tuned out, feeling unsteady from repressed angst"
repressed angst... i love that! :)
i also loved the last sentence of this chapter!
anyway, keep it up! cant wait for that promised interaction, too! ;)

Author's Response: "Definitely getting good now" I hope I can maintain your happiness as a reader! :) Anyways, dreams are so much fun to write because of the subconscious and all that jazz...I'm glad you like them! :) Nott becomes a pivotal character in my FF...I've always thought he should have been more than a bit character in JKR's books. Telling me what sentences you liked is something I like to know with readers, so thanks! The last sentence of this chapter is something I am rather (and probably very immodestly) proud of, so I'm glad someone else bothered to tell me they liked it too. The interaction is in the next chapter, so have fun with that! Thanks for reading! :)

Name: Misdemeanor1331 (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 20:18 · For: Dragon Under the Bed
Flaying...great word. I really want to find a way to use it in my story now! Haha. And I liked how you defined the Cruciatus Curse as heat. It's unique. :)

Oh man, I'm surprised that Theodore left the map. And I'm even more surprised that Hermione forgot it!! Imagine! What Harry would do to her if she lost it...and if it fell into the wrong hands! I know I'm channeling Remus here hardcore, but damn.

Hrm, Nott does have something on Draco, but I'm not sure if it's enough to taunt Draco into surrendering Quidditch. He needs to find out what exactly Nott knows before doing anything rash, I think.
And I liked Draco's little angsty rant in the bathroom. "I'm only living to breathe..." So eloquent and so dark! Love it.

Good job!

Author's Response: Once again, another detailed review! :) I'm gratified that somebody enjoyed my descriptions of the Cruciatus Curse, which is always being described as knives, or something sharp, so I felt I had to do something different. :) Everybody seems shocked that Nott would leave the Marauder's Map, but he's a mysterious guy, you know...hence the loner-ness, haha. Hermione forgetting the Marauder's Map? Well, I can explain that...everybody sees Hermione as being some kind of stable, logical know-it-all (and all's fair in love & war, but...) such emotionally stable people are bound to slip up...slapping Draco in their third year anyone? Or forgetting to go to Charms class with the Time Turner? (Among other things...) I agree that it's pretty extreme to threaten Draco just for a Quidditch position, but as a loner, being a Chaser is like the equivalent of a friend. In a way, Nott is a bit like Voldemort---he prefers materialistic or useful things to people, but if it's people in his way, he'll manipulate them to get what he wants. Draco's "angsty rant" was fun to write, I'll say, and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading! :)

Name: La_Rubinita (Signed) · Date: 11/24/07 23:09 · For: Dragon Under the Bed
Interesting chapter. I almost choked when I realized that Hermione left the Marauder's Map in the library. Silly girl. Nott was an idiot to leave that one there. I absolutely *cannot* wait for some Draco/Hermione interaction! I'm dying, here! Excellent chapter, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing again, La_Rubinita! Was Nott really an idiot for leaving it there? I suppose in a way, he was, but he "likes to keep his tracks covered". He's not a thief with objects---he's a thief with people's emotions, manipulating them so that they react the way he wants them to. Yeah, the Dramione action takes a long time to come, but it makes it that much more realistic. :)

Name: LandL2 (Signed) · Date: 11/22/07 20:14 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
Hey!! I just read your story and I think its really really good! I laughed a lot and was amazed at how well-written it was!

I really want to read more from you. I noticed the next chapter there but it has not been "validated". I cant wait for it to get validated though, Im really looking forward to reading the rest!

Alright then,
take care!

Oh and, you characterization is really good. Like, no one was really ooc or anything, which makes this fic even more amazing =)

good luck with the continuation then!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, and better yet (for me, anyways), actually enjoying. :) I'm glad you think my characterization is good, because that's what I try to do well. :)

Name: LandL2 (Signed) · Date: 11/22/07 20:14 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
Hey!! I just read your story and I think its really really good! I laughed a lot and was amazed at how well-written it was!

I really want to read more from you. I noticed the next chapter there but it has not been "validated". I cant wait for it to get validated though, Im really looking forward to reading the rest!

Alright then,
take care!

Oh and, you characterization is really good. Like, no one was really ooc or anything, which makes this fic even more amazing =)

good luck with the continuation then!

Name: Suika07 (Signed) · Date: 11/15/07 17:42 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
nice, very nice! i love this so far. its really getting interesting, the plot is thickening! dun dun dundun. hah.
well anyway, your story is awesome. and this ring is definitally adding some more intrigue.. cant wait to read more!
i wonder how that promised interaction will pan out now that hermione has overheard some crucial tidbits...hmmm.
good job!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you're enjoying this, and thanks so much for taking the time to review! Yeah, the plot is "thickening" as you say, and the ring will be very important later (I know, what a "duh"). As for the promised interaction, two more chapters! I swear! :) Of course, the moderators take a while to approve, but after the wait, the results will be much sweeter (or so I hope). :)

Name: Misdemeanor1331 (Signed) · Date: 11/15/07 15:10 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
a stain to his ego I like it!
in a low hiss to match Snape's own Well, that must've been quite a hiss because no one does it better than Snape!

Oooo interesting! So Hermione's probably going to be all suspicious of Draco now, making any type of chemistry between them rare and considerably less genuine. But why didn't she tell Ron and Harry about it? Surely something concerning Voldemort and her would be of great interest to them.

And the most intriguing part, I think, is that Draco is now wearing the ring. So, this is what I think will happen (hurrah for theories!): Draco is going to wear the ring, yadda yadda, and once things with Hermione heat up, he's going to give it to her, like a gift or a promise ring or something. From there, I'm not entirely certain. Since he would give the ring to Hermione, he would be the one to die if she happened to get herself into a bad situation (could lead to an nice, morbid, angsty ending, though). And I know that it probably has something to do with Harry as well, but I can't quite make that connection.
Hm, that wasn't so much of a theory, was it? Hahaha.

Good job!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked those phrases, and yeah, that was quite some hiss from Draco, but his frustration was pretty palpable from Snape's attempt to interfere. Hermione's witholding of information is one I can explain---she was still "reeling from the day's revelations" and wasn't sure of what to make of it herself, and she didn't want to divulge to anyone until she had fully absorbed the implications of what she'd eavesdropped on. Also, as I'm sure you remember from what I'll fondly call "the awkward silence" moment from chapter three when she bumps into Draco in the library---notice that she didn't share that information with Harry or Ron either. Also notable is that "creeping feeling" in her stomach (reference to chapter three again)...Hermione doesn't know what that creeping feeling means, but we do. :) As for your theory, well, I'm glad my story was interesting enough for you to start theorizing (so that's a word then??). Whether he'll give the ring to Hermione and how it connects to Harry...time will tell, and you better stick around! ThanxX for your detailed review again! :)

Name: bittersweetsymphony (Signed) · Date: 11/14/07 22:34 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
awesome update, though a bit short! can't wait for the next one :)

Author's Response: Well, you can't say I didn't warn you about how short it was. I'm glad you're still enjoying this story, thanks so much for reading! :)

Name: La_Rubinita (Signed) · Date: 11/14/07 21:31 · For: A Disorienting Discovery
Oo, dark an ominous. I like angsty-Draco. You write it so well. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks. This chapter was indeed very dark and ominous, and I'm glad you liked it because I had very iffy feelings about it. Thanks so much for reading! :)

Name: TheOtherGranger (Signed) · Date: 11/12/07 18:51 · For: Mystery Post

very good story, love it!
love the dramonie as well.

but methinks I have a theory, and lets just say, I really hope he doesn't give that ring to Hermione!

but still, love the story, update soon!

: DD

Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, and as for whether he gives the ring to Hermione or keeps it for himself or whatever, that will remain a mystery for a while for the readers. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Name: La_Rubinita (Signed) · Date: 11/12/07 10:51 · For: Mystery Post
Interesting...'Ring of Sacrifice'... Good chapter, lots of plot, but I'm dying for some Draco/Hermione banter, awkward silence, anything, really. Can't wait for the next update! Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: I'm glad I'm making you hungry for Dramione action---I'm way ahead of the story than how much is posted in public so far and I practically itch for you all to read it...Unfortunately, moderating and approving stories takes rather a long time. I PROMISE there will indeed be Dramione action, and in the meantime, I suppose you can reread the third chapter for the awkward silence in the library. :) Thanks for leaving a review! :)

Name: Misdemeanor1331 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/07 20:22 · For: Mystery Post
The ring of sacrifice being precious and valuable? I can see valuable, perhaps, but precious? It sounds absolutely terrifying! A ring that someone gives you that would bring death upon themselves if you were about to die...Very interesting and a great plot point, for sure. I'm excited to see where you go with it.

And if you ask me, Harry is far too obsessed with Draco. If he's still spying on Draco with the Marauder's Map when (or if) he and Hermione are a couple...well, that could lead to some very intense scenes indeed!

And I really like the dream - it's really...dreamlike. Haha, sounds obvious, but I think dreams are difficult to write. It's hard to capture that weird kind of disconnected flow, but you do it well. So my favorite lines? The entire dream sequence. Hahaha.

Good job!

Author's Response: Harry IS getting overly obsessed with Draco, but it's not really OOC, considering he set house-elves to "tail" Draco Malfoy in HBP. As for the intense scenes you speculate on, they will be a-coming. :) Dreams are one of my favorite things to write---the workings of the subconscious are some of the fascinating things ever, and in stories and FF's, there's some kind of "underlying message" in them. Thanks so much for R-&-R-ing! :)

Name: live2die (Signed) · Date: 11/09/07 1:49 · For: In Pursuit of the Chase
Hehe. Hermione is like WHOAH for Draco because he's all like hot and shit...to her....I mean, yeah.

Author's Response: Thanks for R & R-ing! And funny thoughts. :)

Name: live2die (Signed) · Date: 11/09/07 0:58 · For: Dreams of Dungeons
He was in a dark and dank dungeon, the only light flickering from the lighthouse far, far away. A crookedly constructed four-legged table was laden with a roster of foods that left his mouth watering. He walked over to the table and pulled out a throne-like chair, a perfect irony to the poor craftsmanship of the table. As he readied his knife and fork to cut into a hearty steak, the steak immediately turned into a human face. To his great shock, it was Hermione Granger, and the rest of her materialized directly from the table. With a clatter, he dropped his knife and fork, stunned beyond disbelief. The scene changed. They were in what looked like a ballroom. She was dressed in periwinkle blue robes, which he dimly recalled as the same ones she’d worn to the Yule Ball in their fourth year. Her hair was not bushy like it usually was, but sleek and cascading freely past her shoulders. She was smiling the way one might afore a particularly inquisitive and bright child. “Draco, Draco,” she said teasingly. “What have you been up to?”

I like how he doesn't know that he likes Hermione but his subconcience is telling him like "Hey, you kinda like her."

Author's Response: That's exactly what his subconscious is telling him, although in less layman terms. :)

Name: Suika07 (Signed) · Date: 11/07/07 16:11 · For: In Pursuit of the Chase
hmm interesting. are we going to see some interaction? :)

oh, and i love this line of ron's:

"Exchanging tips on how to be gits maybe? The most useful tip would to be themselves, I reckon.”


Author's Response: I considered the library scene to be "interaction", but don't worry, there will DEFINITELY be interaction in I think two or three chapters later (I've written the chapters already, but I can't remember the order of them, unfortunately). Thanks so much for reviewing, and I like that line of Ron's as well. :)

Name: ginerva9 (Signed) · Date: 11/03/07 13:51 · For: In Pursuit of the Chase
pls update soon i wanna read it!!! good luck!!!

Author's Response: Don't worry, I'm about three chapters ahead of this story and I'll add a new chapter ASAP. I hope you keep reading, and thanks for reviewing! :)

Name: La_Rubinita (Signed) · Date: 11/03/07 0:00 · For: Dreams of Dungeons
Draco offered his mother a smile so forced it hurt,

I love this sentence. Good work.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading! Personally, that's not one of my favorite sentences, but I'm glad you recognized it and liked it all the same! :)

Name: Misdemeanor1331 (Signed) · Date: 10/31/07 19:55 · For: In Pursuit of the Chase
whose verbal prose was limited to monosyllables Love it! Brilliant line!
ready-to-wear sullen expression Liked this one too.
Zabini's description, although short, was effective. And I loved Ron's line: Exchanging tips on how to be gits maybe?

So, Draco's a Chaser now? Interesting twist. I will admit, I'm happy Quidditch isn't gone from his life. The poor boy needs a hobby. Although I can definitely see how Nott could pose a bit of a problem - his jealousy of Draco getting the position could very easily turn to rage with just a bit of brooding. I have a feeling that Nott will do just that.

And you are quite the sly one, I think. The name of Hermione's book - Encounters with Evil - that she just so happens to be reading when Draco enters the library...Coincidence? I think not! Although I could be incredibly wrong, but it was a nice touch anyways.

And now for the critique: work on your actual story formatting. It's annoying to do, but having a little less space between paragraphs is nice for the reader.
Other than that, good job so far! I'm excited to see where this all is going.

Author's Response: I just love reading your reviews, which are so nicely detailed and seriously help my case in narcissism--haha. All the lines you mentioned liking I also happen to favor myself. :) I loved the idea of bringing Nott in the story, and your predictions about him are spot on. About the story formatting---frankly, it bugs me too...I need to lessen the "br's", I think. About the title of Hermione's book, I considered using "Confronting the Faceless" (the DADA textbook mentioned in HBP), but decided since the story wasn't exactly canon to the sixth book to make up a book title myself. :) Thanks a lot for reading the third chapter!

Name: Misdemeanor1331 (Signed) · Date: 10/24/07 20:39 · For: Resignation and Refusal
Nice chapter. Kinda surprising that Draco quit Quidditch - I would've thought that all the extra stress of his 'mission' would necessitate an outlet. Although maybe you've found a more...*interesting* outlet for tension. ;)

Draco lifted his head in cold surprise as he packed away his things. 'Cold surprise'...great adjective use! And I loved how you slipped how Bellatrix was in love with Voldemort in there! Good touch. Nice DH Snape reference too. You wrote his character pretty well.

Critiques: Ah, this is one that I hate, but length! I want moooore! Hahaha. Don't worry too much about it, though; there's only so much you can do, and what's written is written.
It was a little redundant at parts: like when Snape was talking about Aunt Bellatrix (so weird to type that...) and you said that she was his aunt several more times after that.

Good chapter - keep it up!

Author's Response: I actually debated on having Draco quit Quidditch, but I needed a catalyst for Harry to develop an intense and suspicious curiosity about him, as he does in the HBP. And Draco won't be gone from Quidditch as much as you think! I felt very sly putting in Bellatrix in the chapter, hehe. I felt still slier for insinuating Snape's love for Lily. Hmm, is it okay to admit how sly I feel when I write? Snape is a character I find challenging to write, so I'm glad you think I did okay on that. I agree, "Aunt Bellatrix" looks totally weird, but Snape calls Bellatrix to Draco in their conversation in HBP, so I thought I'd make him call her that. Oh, and if I leave you wanting more, I'm doing my job well! Thanks for your detailed review! :)

Name: Suika07 (Signed) · Date: 10/24/07 19:26 · For: Resignation and Refusal
this part...

“Anyways,” he ploughed on valiantly with fleeting bravado, “how could you possibly help me? Have you ever even been with a woman?”

HAHAHA. i burst out laughing! love the irony. :)
lol, ironically snape would be able to be of help to him, showing him how NOT to woo a gryffindor...lol
aw man, poor snapey :)

i really cant wait to see where you take this story. its really captured my interest! anyway, great chapter.

Author's Response: Why thank you. :) Yeah, I was smirking when I wrote that line you mentioned, and it was nice to be able to voice an opinion about Snape through Draco...seeing as his one true love was never with him, well...do I need say more?

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