Wow, that's really, really well written! It captures the angsty mood perfectly!
Only two nitpicks:
[I]And he is gone, and the street is exploded.[/I]
Street is exploded sounds a little strange to me here. Perhaps, "he is gone, and the street exploded" or "he is gone, and teh street has exploded"
The second one:
[I]My heart is screaming–people screaming[/I]
What exactly do you mean here? Do you mean Sirius' heart is screaming, and people are screaming, or his heart's screaming seems to be people screaming or something else? I think the "people are screaming" would be a better choice here.
Still, a very well written story, and I love it.
Author's Response: I'll go with "has" in your first suggestion, but the double ands were merely to help along a stream-of-consciousness mode. Your second suggestion--yeah, it could use another verb. I'll go put those in. Sirius is a little off his rocker at that point, and I tried to get into the character when I was writing it...so I suppose I meant all of those things. I'm impressed you saw so many possibilities in the juxtaposition of those two phrases. Thank you for the review--your comments were helpful, and it was really lovely to get a surprise review during midterm week--definitely made my day!
*shiver* lovely written about a not-so-lovely topic.
Author's Response: 'Lo, Melis. I'd agree it's a not-so-lovely topic--I doubt anything with dementors could fall into the category of "pleasant topic." Glad you approve!
This was a very powerful fic. I think how you had the flashbacks made us see how terrible most of Sirius' life (especially his childhood) really was, something that not many people understand when they characterise him as the fun-loving prankster.
It was really moving, and I liked how you added the darkness bit every now and then. It made the fic a lot more mysterious, and it lets you feel just how cruel and cold Azkaban really is. It was a wonderful portayal of Sirius and his time there.
Author's Response: This review made my day--thank you so much for your comments!
Oh that was so good and kind of creepy! I liked the way you wrote that, it was very different from your other one, but very awesome!
Author's Response: Yeah, it was different. I wrote that one after a particularly boring Microeconomics class...did I come across at all as desperate?
Wow! That was good, I could clearly see Sirius going through this! Good job!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it!
Hey this is a great story. I like how it shows Sirius' felling and thoughts. Great job.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Good one. Just enough despair and just enough hope to portray the moment. I liked it.
Author's Response: Good--hope/despair mix was what I was trying for. Thanks!
i think its an excellent job, considering that its your first fic at MNFF or is it the first one u ever wrote?
really well written, i must say. sirius is one of those charcters not everyone can characterise vert well but u did a good job.
the memories were well thought and reflect your obvious talent in writing.
keep it up. i'll be looking out for you.
Author's Response: Thanks--I think Sirius is hard to characterize too...esp. because sometimes he's so intense, but other times so laid back...
This is so good! The part where he sees Lily and James dead actually made me cry!
Author's Response: Thanks!...and...sorry?
Pendraegona! It's your beta, dear. Great job on getting it validated! *huggles* xxvictoria
Author's Response: Thanks! I really owe you for this one, it needed so much help!
I like this story, it shows quite well how Sirius is feeling in Azkaban, his thoughts jumping from one part of his life to another quickly. Good story and writing. Thanks.
Author's Response: These reviews make my day. Thank you for the feedback!