Hiya Dancing With Neville, Yes I'm the same Danielle_Malfoy on MNFF beta boards too. This was good, I really liked it.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad yo enjoyed this story.
this story has amazing potential! i am left wanting to read more!! keep up your great work- the only problem i found was occasional italics that were in the wrong place, making it slightly difficult to read/ understand, but i understand that computers have lots of problems
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you want to read more...I'm waiting for Sirius to tell me what he wants written next. So that's why I haven't updated this story in a while. I'll check the italics and see what needs to eb fixed. Thanks for letting me know.
Youíve really managed to get a fantastic handle on Siriusís sarcastic remarks, especially towards his family. It really adds some much needed humour to the fanfic. After all, whatís a Sirius Black fanfic without some well targeted sarcastic remarks towards Severus, the Slytherins in general and the pureblood population? In fact, there were so many comments of Siriusís that I immediately fell in love with, that I had an incredibly hard time picking a favourite. So, I just decided to highlight one or two through-out this review, because I simply couldnít resist.
ďAnd they did it on purpose, Professor,Ē
Really, Lily? You mean they tied Severus up and covered him in green goop ON PURPOSE? I could have sworn it was an accidentÖ (Sorry, I simply couldnít resist. =]) I have two very different opinions on Lily from the way you are representing her. Half of me loves her eleven-year-old tattle-tale best mates with Severus self, and the other half of me is confused about what opinions to formulate about her. I suppose Iíll just have to keep reading to actually get my thoughts in order.
Lily took another glance at her friend, hoping Severus would be alright; he did look sort of ill, after all.
Awww. Thatís simply adorable. I love the Lily and Severus as best mates bit; it seems to be a rather new idea to fanfiction. Or maybe I just havenít been reading the right stories. Nonetheless, it should be all right, rather than alright, since alright isnít a real word.
Also, the last section of this chapter is in italics, when it should be in regular font. Sorry that it seems like Iím stressing the coding, but in case you havenít noticed, Iím a rather odd reader and certain things just throw me off, and I would like to believe that Iím not such an oddity that Iím alone in being thrown off.
At first, I had no plans to write back, but it is my hope that by doing so, the wizarding world will finally know the entire truth about Sirius Black.
Why? This part confused me. I would have like to known a reason why Harry wouldnít have written Mattering back. Maybe Mattering offended him in his letter or somethingÖ I should probably start reigning in my curiosity after a certain point.
He didnít actually die until earlier this year, and it was by his own hand, too.
I know Iím not supposed to, but I couldnít help but giggle at this. After all, Peter did quite literally die at his own hand, by strangling himself. Iím not sure if thatís what you were going for, but either way, this line was delivered with a wonderful eloquence.
Now, Iím not sure what to think of the whole Animagus thing. It seems ratherÖodd to me, although, I canít find anything directly wrong with it when canon is taken into consideration. I suppose the problem with me is there are not many details supporting the idea that they were Animagus. When did they find out? When were these articles published?
I was slightly confused by the dialogue in the middle; it seemed slightly out of place. It just didnít seem to fit with the general flow of the story since Mattering is only reading the journal, so now, as readers, we know something that he doesnít, and it just doesnít seem to fit.
P.S. Please send all my presents care of owl post.
Sirius, I love you. I really like how Sirius has no problem practically disowning his family and being completely fearful of them, yet still request that they send their gifts for him to Hogwarts. You have to love how spoiled he is. Wonderful characterization, by the way.
Overall, wonderful chapter. And, although youíll probably strangle me for saying it; update soon.
Author's Response: Hello! Well, I want to thank you for your review and Iíll try to answer the questions you presented. rn1. Lily was interesting to write as an eleven year old. I hope to add more bits with her in it.rnrn2. Lily/Severus? Yes! I havenít read a lot of fanfic with them as a couple but it would be interesting to see how that would work out.rnrn3. I will fix alright to all rightrnrn4. Italics are going to be dealt with and fixed. rnrn5. At first, I had no plans to write back, but it is my hope that by doing so, the wizarding world will finally know the entire truth about Sirius Black.Ē The reason why Harry didnít write back was because talking about Sirius still hurts him and he didnít appreciate Mattering prying, even though that's part of his job.rnrn6. ďHe didnít actually die until earlier this year, and it was by his own hand, too.Ē I didnít mean for it to be a joke and then I read your review and had to laugh because you do have a point.rnrn7. There were no articles printed it ďhad been rumored that Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black had become un-registered Animagi while still in school, but this had been dismissed by the department.Ē So no articles were printed and know one else outside the department knew.rnrn8. No. I will not strangle you for asking me to update. I intend on doing that sometime soon, just donít ask for a date. I have some other things I have been working on and Sirius hasnít told me what he wants in the next diary(Sirius: WHAT?)excuse me journal entry.
Yey! Sirius getís his own story, dedicated completely to him. Sounds like my kind of fanfic. Me? Like Sirius? NeverÖ
Overall, I really liked the first two journal entries; they really captured the essence of an eleven-year-old quite nicely. In a very subtle way, I can sense the insecurities Sirius has, just from him talking about his family life. I really like how you started with giving the reader some background information on Sirius.
An investigation into the case of Sirius Black had gone on for years, ever since late 1981, when he had been convicted of murder and had immediately received a life sentence.
This confused me. Why was there an ongoing investigation? What was there to investigate? It was Siriusís word against, quite literally, everyone else. He had no one to stand up for him; two of the four people that knew about the switch were dead, and the other two were in hiding and were fighting on the opposite side of the war. Although, at that point, I suppose the First War could technically be deemed over. Personally, I think this section could have used to more detail so it would be perfectly clear for those poor clueless readers who have to have a lot of things spelt out for them. Like me. =]
A really small thing that I noticed was that in between the first and second journal entry Mattering (I simply adore his name by the way; I can just imagine him being ridiculed at Hogwarts for it.) has a few thoughts and actions. But here, you forgot to end on italics, so it seems at first like Sirius is still writing. Which obviously doesnít make much sense.
What other connection did Sirius have with the Potter family?
Small plot hole here. Someone should really give Mattering all the articles written on The Boy Who Lived and Lily and Jamesís death. There was, after all, a very big court case concerning Sirius as the Secret Keeper for James and Lily. Even Dumbledore attested to the fact that Sirius was responsible for knowing their location.
No tears could be seen in my eyes or my parentsí but they put on a damn good show of acting like they were going to miss me.
Aw! Poor Sirius. I really like his parents here, though. Instead of just being some over-bearing pureblood maniacs, theyíre over-bearing pureblood maniacs who are good actors. It really adds another dimension to their characters, since from this the reader can assume that theyíre good actors because they care about how other people see them. Wonderful job.
So far, I think this story has a lot of potential, and Iím really curious to see where you take it. Keep up the fantastic writing!
Author's Response: ďAn investigation into the case of Sirius Black had gone on for years, ever since late 1981, when he had been convicted of murder and had immediately received a life sentence.ĒrnThis is a bit hard to explain but basically there was a investigation into Sirius ever since he became a convicted murder. Mattering is an investigator for the mysterious cases where things hadnít been completely explained. Iíll try and explain that more in another chapter.rnrnThanks! I love Matteringís name too!rnrnItalics will be fixed.rnrnďWhat other connection did Sirius have with the Potter family?Ē rnMattering knows about the secret keeper stuff but Sirius was like a brother to James and thatís what Iím trying to get at. That there was more to his relationship with the Potterís than what the court case had covered.rnrnďNo tears could be seen in my eyes or my parentsí but they put on a damn good show of acting like they were going to miss me.Ē Thanks. I really wanted his parents to be real and this was such a fun picture to imagine.rnrnThanks for your review. Iím glad you like what I have so far! Sorry that it ahs taken ages to respond.rn
not the best, but all it needs a little bit more to it
but i know you won't do that, but oh well
Author's Response: I really am trying to make it better considering this is my first fic. Please don't be shy about criticizing my work. I do appreciate it when people let me know what I can fix. You don't know me well enough to say what I will and won't do. I'm hoping in the future you will be more helpful with your reviews.
This is really interesting so far! I love the switches between Head Mattering and the journal entries. Can't wait to see where this goes from here. =)
Author's Response: Thank you! I just sent off the second chapter to my wonderful Beta reader so I'm hoping to have the next chapter before December 1st...no promises but I will try!
Hey! I knew I'd find it! Even if I was a little tardy in doing so! Ok to the review part--- Not bad It was a little confusing with the time line. Is Head Mattering reading this after Sirius escaped from Azkaban? Although I do think the way you described Sirius' home life, to be quite good. All in all a good read. :)
Author's Response: This is set after book 7 everything so yes Sirius is gone. Mattering has been working on this case for quiet some time so they just found his journal. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review!
A good story so far! I look forward to your update.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it so far! I hope to have the next chapter fully written and betad asap!