Reviewer: Cinderella Angelina
Date: 11/26/07 21:37
Chapter: Chapter 1

Fascinating concept! I would’ve liked to hear a bit more about why wands came into fashion. I thought it was really interesting that they went back exactly 1000 years, and that was when the Founders were working. It would be so cool to meet them!

I thought your characterization was right on. Minerva was snippy, Tom was sneaky, and Dumbledore was calm and helpful. I was confused about whether or not Dumbledore was actually Headmaster because that was how it seemed. Even though Dippet was the Headmaster. So I would suggest a word or two to make it clear who’s really in charge. I still agree with Minerva going to Dumbledore – that is definitely the first thought I would have if Perfect Prefect Tom Riddle had just broken my wand.

I wish Minerva had used more wandless magic. It looks way cool. But also seeing Tom’s reaction to another power would frighten me off using it too. I can understand why she blamed herself for Riddle going wrong, but she really ought to realize that he was wrong way before there was wandless magic.

Just a couple nitpicks:
“Why don’t ye try some simple spells while I fix ye devic?” “device,” you mean, I think. :)
The once dark eyes were cold, and he had a maniacal smile on his face. I don’t see any reason for there to be a “once” in that sentence. Just because his eyes are cold doesn’t preclude them from still being dark.

And! “I wish I could say that was true, Minerva.” What?! I totally understand why Minerva’s confused. How I wish Snape hadn’t walked in at that moment. Because I definitely didn’t expect Dumbledore to say that.

I liked your opening line, too. Sucked me right into the story. Tom Riddle? Dead? Very clever, I say. :)

That’s about all I had to say about this one. Have a nice day! *D*

Author's Response: Thank you! This is my latest fic, so I love hearing what people think. I was really worried about Tom's character; I'm glad he came good(well, really bad) in the end. I loved writing this fic, and I'm glad to have your feedback. ~ Teresa

Reviewer: Cirelondiel
Date: 10/08/07 2:57
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hmm…this is an interesting and well-written story. You’ve got Tom, Minerva and Dumbledore characterised perfectly – Tom speaking ‘coolly’ and ‘smoothly’, Minerva being clever and takes no nonsense, Dumbledore being calm and reasonable. The way they all interacted with each other was just right as well.

Overall I thought it was plausible as well, apart from the fact that the founders and Minerva & Tom wouldn’t have been able to understand each other so easily due to the language of that time being so different from the English of today. Still, there’s not really any way to get around that in fanfiction, so I think the way you did it, giving the Founders a slightly different accent and vocabulary was good :-)

It also struck me as odd that Minerva and Tom could pick up wandless magic so easily. You seemed to be heading towards the idea that modern wizards only need wands because they think they need wands, in which case I think it would have been harder for M and T to get used to not needing one. But, suppose they did become very powerful and no doubt they would have been some of the most talented students in school, so that can be explained away.

A couple of little mistakes I spotted:
She grabbed his wand, and with a wave of it,, Tom Riddle couldn’t move his legs.
You only need one comma after ‘it’ ;-)

“Yes,” replied Godric. “Why don’t ye try some simple spells while I fix ye devic?”
There should be an e on the end of devic(e)

I liked this a lot, overall. Great job!!

Cirelondiel :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of problems with the Founder's language, so I'm glad that turned out all right. I'll fix those mistakes ASAP. Thanks again. ~ Teresa

Reviewer: wewillmissyou
Date: 10/03/07 17:59
Chapter: Chapter 1

I do like this, very very good! And true to the characters! I can tell you worked hard on this good job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Somebody Like You by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
After tea leaves predict romance for Snape, he makes a sardonic wish on...
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Wizard Comics, the Green Knight aids those in need under the cloak...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
Wild Card by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision...
Half-life by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Neville has the rest of his life ahead of him, but all he can do is look back...
Skinny Love by xxbabewithbrainsxx 6th-7th Years
“I’ve always been chubby. Admit it.” “You’ve never been skinny...
Tigerlily by Maple_and_PheonixFeather 3rd-5th Years
You promised yourself you'd never hurt her, but there are times when you wonder...
Astriferous by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Merope Gaunt has never been celestial.Nominated for a 2014 QSQ - Best Dark/Angst.
CATEGORIES