MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Name: Ennalee (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 13:17 · For: Hogsmeade Weekend
Interesting chapter! A lot of interesting instances of Ted and Andromeda’s interaction – or rather, of Andromeda’s failure to interact. Lots of good description – I usually end up encouraging people to include more action in their stories, but in yours I’d actually like to see more of what’s going on in Andromeda’s head. How does she feel about Ted, and how does she feel rejecting him? Is it like the girls said, and the only reason she’s interested in him because it’s a nice change to get attention from a boy, or is she interested in him for who he is? Does she have any idea why it is that Ted appears so fascinated by her? Is this something she speculates on at all?

She scowled as she imagined Ted cuddling with a faceless girl at Madame Puddifoot’s, but, she thought, at least it would distract him from her. Ha! And then: Well, she thought wryly, at least he wasn’t snogging girls in Hogsmeade. I like that she reverses herself so completely – it’s obvious that she really doesn’t want him to be ‘distracted from her’ at all. Nice bit of characterization there.
Andromeda’s rejection of Ted at the end is harsh and brutal, as I think you meant it to be – nice job with that, and with Ted’s reaction. I can only wonder what it was that made him not expect that – Andromeda being a Slytherin who has apparently put him down many times in the past; I wonder what it was that made him suspect she was different. Interesting food for thought.
All in all, another good chapter – looking forward to seeing what you do with the rest of the story!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for your feedback! I really appreciate it. I hope to get out a couple of longer chapters over my upcoming winter break, so I hope I can answer some of your question then. In the meantime, though: I really glad you like Andromeda as a Slytherin. Here I was working off of how much I dislike characterizations of Sirius as a rebel from the start. I think breaking away from a family like the Blacks, and the twisted ideology that goes along with it, is much more complicated. Andromeda's relationship with Ted isn't just a romance, it's an epiphany. But more on that later. And besides, Slytherins aren't all bad :) As for your comment in your first review about the Black women and power, I certainly agree, but perhaps I should have done a bit more layering here. I just didn't want to be heavy-handed. The Black family as a whole seems very Victorian to me (but slightly more sinister) so I tried to keep that model of a "good" woman in mind. Historically - and in the case of Bellatrix, Narcissa, Walburga, and presumably the girls' mother - women with power conformed to this model to some extent, but manipulated it to meet their own ends. Andromeda, as I noted, is out-shined by her sisters, and she can't shine on her own and still fit that "good" woman mold. She has break out of it. I hope you keep reading because I will definitely address this later. Thank again! ~Aldawen

Name: Ennalee (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 13:06 · For: Mere Infatuation
Andromeda/Ted has always been a pairing that fascinated me – two such different characters, from two such different backgrounds, flouting tradition by loving each other. To start with, I’m really glad to see that you’re not shying away from Andromeda’s background. Far too many stories turn it into just another love story by making Andromeda into something completely different than her family; you capture the individuality of the storyline by making her the same. Andromeda as a Slytherin, as someone who hasn’t violently shied away from the beliefs of her family, but still with a lot of untapped desires – I find her much more interesting than Andromeda the rebel, breaking away from her family in every way. Instead of having her born inherently different from the rest of her family, you’re writing her as one of them, and your story is free to deal with how she comes to break free. Much more interesting.

One thing: “Black women weren’t supposed to be smart.” I can see where you get this – the Blacks are obviously an old-fashioned wizarding type family, and we saw plenty of female quashing with the Gaunts. At the same time, Sirius’ mother is given a much stronger presence than her father, and his great aunt was given a political scheme (attempting to legalize muggle hunting) – whether or not Black women are supposed to be smart or not, there’s a clear precedent for power among their women. Also, I think it would be un-Slytherin to reject power of any sort, even if it’s given to a woman – I would think that her family would be glad to gain the use of a prefect’s badge, with its accompanying position of power and influence. Looking at Bellatrix, I can hardly see her as rejecting the priveleges of a Prefect’s badge, though I liked that you tied in her disgust with the necessary adherence to Dumbledore’s rules.

But one year ago, as she sat, just as she was now, in the year’s first Prefect meeting, all that had been turned on its head when she first saw him. I found this a bit confusing, as you hadn’t located the beginning of the story in a specific time; there is no reference point from which we can look back a year. The first paragraph is very general – if you put something in it that locates a specific ‘now’ time, it would help the reader understand your timeline, rather than jumping a year back from an unspecified event.

I really like how you set up the opposition between Andromeda and Ted – all the ways he is different than her, and that that’s exactly why she’s drawn to him. He stands for everything she is not and cannot be, and it’s an enchanting prospect. I can’t wait to see you explore her attraction further; she obviously doesn’t understand why she loves him, what she sees in this boy who is so different from everything her family has taught her to admire – it will be fun to watch her realization. Great start, looking forward to more.

Name: primagirl89 (Signed) · Date: 11/22/07 22:02 · For: Hogsmeade Weekend
wow really hooked me!

Name: helz_belz (Signed) · Date: 11/21/07 1:49 · For: Mere Infatuation
Wow this is really good. We got a Romeo Juliet thing going on here!! Can't wait for the next installment!!

Name: helz_belz (Signed) · Date: 11/21/07 1:48 · For: Mere Infatuation
Wow this is really good. We got a Romeo Juliet thing going on here!! Can't wait for the next installment!!

Name: lily16 (Signed) · Date: 10/04/07 18:55 · For: Mere Infatuation
that was really good! i love how andromeda's a slytherin, it makes it more intresting for her ro be fighting with her feelings for ted. is this the end, or is there more?
i hope there is *hint hint* *nudge nudge* :)

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