This is good start for a more interesting story. I like how you introduced us Sheena and Simon, and that they both are not magic is an interesting factor. I’d really like to see how you go on with this story. The prologue is fantastic.
I noticed one minor dialogue mistake:
“Children do nothing but get in the way,” Simon would tell those brave enough to question him about it.
There needs to be a comma. I’ve added it in, written bold.
Other than that: please do continue writing this story. It looks promising.
~Bine
Intriguing :-)
This is a nice start, you've done well in creating two unique characters and providing a basic description of them. This was a bit short though, which is not a bad thing in itself but in this case I did feel you could have provided a bit more detail: maybe you could have told us some more about their personalities, and their relationship as well. It would have been nice to see some interaction between them. Some detail about the setting would be good too. Still, I'm sure all that will come in the following chapters :-)
There are no spelling mistakes! (At least, none that I can see glancing over this again quickly.) Which is great!! Your spelling and grammar seem good :-)
Overall this is a good introduction to the story, you've set the scene and ended on a note which makes us wonder what will happen. The last sentence is good - simple and direct, rather mysterious.
I'll continue reading this story when the next chappies are up! I wish you luck with your writing, this is not bad for a first fanfic, keep it up!!
~ Cirelondiel :-D
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I was very worried about how this would turn out, especially being my first one. Thank you for the support and advise which i welcome. Hope to have the first full length chapter up before too long.
It was neat how you introduced us to these (assumedly) major original characters before diving into the story. I am waiting for the next update with anticipation!
