Wow Phia! You’ve shown Remus’ intelligence and love of books in a great way. The excitement he has at being in the bookstore and buying all the books from first year too shows how, not only grateful, but happy he is that Dumbledore is allowing him into school. I really like that he would want to be as prepared as possible.
His interest on the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was a fun example of his ability to enjoy textbooks as a source of knowledge. Plus the response to the werewolf excerpt was heart wrenching.
His wanting to help another boy is completely in character with what we know of Remus and his yearning to fit in. Remus is a very kind and giving person, so before being friends with the other Marauders would’ve done this type of thing for Severus without hesitation, then again, he might have done it anyway after the friendships were made. Great characterizations of both of them.
The guilt he feels for the attack and seemingly everything bad that has happened fits him so well. A child that young, ad having never gone into ‘polite society’ would feel massive amounts of guilt at anything bad happening while he was around.
I enjoyed this chapter immensely and will return to read the third shortly. Sorry, it took me so long to get back here, but, you know how busy RL and the Tower are, so see you at chapter three soon. ~Wendy
Author's Response: Hey Wendy! Yeah, well you know how I am with my Remus... ;-) But it's funny, I usually have a lot of trouble with characterisation, but with Remus I can slip into his mind and figure out how he'd talk and act with no difficulty at all. I guess it's because, in a lot of ways, we're very similar. Strange as that may sound. I'm glad you liked it; thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! If only everyone was so dedicated as you, Wendy... But I suppose if they were then you wouldn't be so special, and we wouldn't want that!
gee i hate u ur the best damn riter any way that is reallly good!!! and yes i made an account just to read ur story thingy coz u never did send it to me!
Author's Response: Hey thanks Shae! You're my first real life friend to leave me a review! I'm sorry that you hate me and I'm not the best writer. You're not too bad yourself! Remember the Great Fire story? I was just reading that again, it was awesome! Cya at school!
*squee* Okay, so I'm a little late getting here, but, I did make it eventually!
Anyway, you already know how much I love you and your story, so I won't repeat myself there. I just wanted to say good luck again in the contest, and I'm so happy that you got the three chapters in on time. :D
Author's Response: Thanks Anna! Thankyou for everything you did, I wouldn't have had a chance of even getting the chapters accepted if it wasn't for you. As it is, I can say without having an inflated head that I think I just about hold my own in this category! Wouldn't a third place be nice...
This is a wonderful story. I'm so fond of Remus, and it's interesting to hear everything from his point of view!
Author's Response: Thankyou! It was really interesting writing it! I love Remus too ;-)
Ooooh, Phia, this is nice! I like it! Have you ever read Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka? Because the first part, with the thoughts of the wolf, is very similar to some parts of that, written from the dog's perspective.
It was a really great start! I always have an overwhelming desire to adopt child!Remus, but if I adopted every fictional kid that I wanted to, I'd be overun with small children! Better to just keep them in the land of fiction, I think ... anyway, I'm going to read the next chapter. Nice fic so far!
Author's Response: No, I haven't read that, is it good? I guess it's just a standard thing, making animals' thoughts all disjointed and simple. Probably not giving them as much credit as they deserve, but it works well with stories! And, I KNOW! It was so funny, after writing this, I started feeling really really sorry for Remus, and wishing that I could write myself into the story in order to comfort him! I had imaginary conversations with him and anything! Anyway, thanks Amy for your review!
Author's Response: No, I haven't read that, is it good? I guess it's just a standard thing, making animals' thoughts all disjointed and simple. Probably not giving them as much credit as they deserve, but it works well with stories! And, I KNOW! It was so funny, after writing this, I started feeling really really sorry for Remus, and wishing that I could write myself into the story in order to comfort him! I had imaginary conversations with him and anything! Anyway, thanks, Amy for your review!
Hi Phia! I finally got around to reviewing your story. :D
I have to say, I really like the first few paragraphs that are from the werewolf’s POV. It’s very effective and engages my attention right away. The short sentences emphasizes the attention span of the wolf. I’d just thought I’d point out that you’re missing a full stop after ‘I howl’. :)
I think the shift between the wolf’s POV and Remus is a bit jarring though. It almost sounds like it is happening in the book Remus is reading at the start of the fourth paragraph.
I enjoyed Remus’s self doubt after the elation of receiving the invitation to Hogwarts wore off. I think you’ve done his characterisation very well. I’m glad he decided to seize the opportunity of going to Hogwarts.
I also liked what you did with his mother in this fic, and the line about how Remus always hears a tone of uncertainty in his mother’s voice. Very powerful. Poor Remus!
Good luck with the challenge and I hope you get the next chapter up soon! :D
Author's Response: Thanks! I'll fix those couple of things up. I really enjoyed writing Remus as a child, because he was virtually a blank canvas! It was also really good being able to get inside his head and kind of, explore his feelings. Very interesting. Thanks for your lovely reviews, Tash! , <3
Hi Phia! You have captured the feelings I would normally associate with Remus wanting to go to school. He wants it so badly that he can’t allow himself to hope. I think we have all known something similar, although not as frightening as being a werewolf and still hoping to go to school.
The elation Remus feels is so appropriate to the situation, and again you captured it perfectly. I think the grin would feel like it would split his face. He hasn’t had much to feel happy about in his life.
The self-doubt sneaking back in would be only normal in this situation. Knowing how much it has changed and affected his life, there would be that niggling doubt in the back of his head for quite a while, that he would bite someone, or they would discover his secret and hate him for it.
Other than a few small typos, I found no fault with this story, and even the contradictory timeline worked here. If Dumbledore was headmaster before this, or didn’t start until this, it still makes for a wonderful story. I loved it, and I just wish it were longer. Maybe you could continue it with a Marauder era fic from Remus’ POV. Good luck on the Challenge, the ‘Claws are going strong in this one!
Author's Response: Thanks Wendy! I really love getting such positive reviews! Rah rah Ravenclaw!
What a beautiful story! One question - why would a kid who was underage and not expected to go to Hogwarts have a wand? Other than that, the story was perfect. You captured Lupin's character, his worry about being a burden on and danger to others, really well.
Author's Response: Thanks! As for the wand thing, in my twisted mind he was homeschooled. I don't know, I never actually considered the fact that his werewolvity would make him unable to ever learn magic. I just thought, well, in real life if a kid can't attend school for whatever reason, they're homeschooled, so there you are. So's Remus. I might clarify that in the next chapter, thanks for the question! And thanks for a lovely review! Phia