Icky 1st sentence. If the first sentence isn't good, it puts the reader off.
Author's Response: Icky review. 'Good' is such a subjective term, couldn't you think of anything better than that? You're better off not stating your opinion as definite proof as well. Just a hint for the future. I would have been perfectly content with this review if it said 'I don't like the first sentence because it put me off.' If the first sentence put you off that badly, maybe it's because this story isn't really your cup of tea. :) But thanks for the review anyway.
Nice story! You captured Sybill's personality perfectly!
Very good, I especially loved McGonagall's story (probably because I just can't imagine her messing ANYTHING up...) and the part with the students was very amusing. Great job!
Hehe! This was a very pretty, lighthearted piece of fanfiction! I really think you managed to capture both of the protagonists' charcters, but I especially loved the way McGonagall was written. She seemed her stern, strict self and then unexpectedly, she lets her guard down, much like she's done with Harry sometimes.
I like the idea of Sybill's first day, although, I too, would have wished for this to be longer. Maybe she could have encountered a Hermione-esque kind of student, who could have given her even more trouble or I dunno ... little things, just like the breaking of the crystal balls. Either way, this a very nice read.
There's a little typo in this sentence here: I was going to say is that on my first day is that one of my students accidentally transfigured his entire head to that of a wolf’s. Get rid of one of the two is that.
Oh, and before I go, I just have to highlight this little sentence, because I think it captures Sybill's personality so completely! If she was going to have an awful time on the first day of term, she should let it happen deliberately, then her Inner Eye would be correct after all and there would be no need for concern.
Very funny, Tash! I especially liked your characterisation of McGonagall.
But she can do the Reparo charm, can't she? Doesn't she do it when Neville breaks his cup? Actually, I'm probably wrong thee, but I'm at work so I can't check my books.
I do wish that this could have been longer. Surely you could have incorporated a few more things that could have gone wrong? By the time she had fallen asleep before her first lesson, I was starting to think "oh yes, she's really getting into swing now", because she'd had a few mishaps and whatnot. I liked what there was, but I think you had the potential for a lot more. A detail of the whole day would have been nice.
Hope you've enjoyed your holiday!
However, I think you could have
Author's Response: I actually did have a few more things planned, but after putting it after the place where the fic currently ends, it made the conversation with McGonagall seem a bit displaced, and it didn't work well written any other way. I do think the ending is a bit abrupt and I could've worked more on that. :)Tash
I really liked this story because it captured Trelawney so perfectly, and I must admit I feel sorry that she can't do magic... though now I think about it she never has done any in the books... not sure about McGonagall using the word 'gotten' ...
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked Trelawney's characterisation. :) Thanks for pointing out that bit of McGonagall's dialogue. I've changed it now. Thanks for the review! :)