Reviewer: Luna_and_Harry
Date: 10/04/07 17:39
Chapter: Friends, Food, and Magic

wheee...i love it!

Reviewer: bluemoon13
Date: 10/04/07 16:12
Chapter: Friends, Food, and Magic

I like how you used Remus for this, even though he's not techincally a muggleborn. Great Idea.

Reviewer: Phia Phoenix
Date: 09/30/07 6:30
Chapter: Down the Alley

Ah, sweet Salazar. I just submitted a story to this same prompt. And it was about Remus. And guess what the first chapter was called? "A Letter". *headdesk*

Sorry. Just had to get that out. My story was quite different. I just didn't think that anyone else would think of Remus... should've known.

Anyway.

I liked this fic so far, Remus is very innocent and childlike. Unlike in mine, where he's an old man in a child's body. The bit about him wanting to pay for his wand was especially touching.

I liked your characterisation of his father, too. My first impression of him (when he sent Remus to his room as Dubledore arrived) was of an Uncle Vernon-type character- but I think he's more stern and ashamed of Remus than just cruel.

His mum seems quite personality-less, but that's OK. Mothers are harder to give personality to. Who knows why.

And your characterisation of Albus was, well, not perfect- but (apart from JKR) I haven't actually ever seen anyone characterise him perfectly. He's just so unique. But his actions and the basic things that he did (I especially loved his kindness with calling Remus "Mr Lupin")and said were good, however your word usage wasn't always quite right. For example

"It is a fair ways from the school grounds"

The "fair ways" bit is decidedly a modern colloquialism. And it doesn't actually make sense. With any other character it'd be fine, but Dumbledore always uses such perfect English grammar.

But that was just a small thing I picked up on.

The way you had Ollivander remember Remus's mum's wand was a nice touch. However, when he used words like "anyhow" it was slightly OOC. He's another one that is old, English, and perfectly grammarised. Also, "I get that a lot" seemed a little... Yeah. Like "a fair ways", it just didn't seem to fit with the way that character usually speaks.

But I really liked this fic, and I will be watching for the next chapter! It's a shame that we both wrote for the same prompt about the same character, but great minds think alike, eh?

Phia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your detailed feedback! I'll definitely pay more attention to characterization, especially in dialogue, in future stories! I've already written the third chapter, which is on queue...so we'll see how that goes. And I'm sure our stories will be very different, so all is well. ;) Thanks again for your compliments and critiques!

Reviewer: KaileeA42
Date: 09/29/07 8:35
Chapter: Down the Alley

Like it so far. Remus is the best. Update soon!

Reviewer: chasing_willow
Date: 09/21/07 7:11
Chapter: Two Letters

Awww that's so sweet!
Great story, very well-written, good vocabulary and choice of character (come on - it's lupin - our furry friend and mentor).
Everybody roots for the underdog, err.. wolf.
*adds to favorites*
Sequel, maybe?

Author's Response: Thanks! Well, there's still two more chapters coming up! ;)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Purity of the Turf by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Only know you love her when you let her go...And you let her go." -Let Her...
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
Awry by Liet Dumbledore 3rd-5th Years
At the end of sixth year, Lily hates Severus. She can never forgive him for...
FEATURED
Etched in Gold by Cirelondiel 1st-2nd Years
"It’s like a safe place, somewhere to watch the world, somewhere...
The Elder Tree by the opaleye 1st-2nd Years
It would have been no surprise to see Vernon Dursley sitting on the frosty concrete...
Perfect First by Hermiones Kneazle 1st-2nd Years
Hermione is at her first dance and on her first date, but the night for firsts...
blackbird over the dark field by psijupiter 3rd-5th Years
AU. Severus and Remus forge a damaged and damaging relationship in the aftermath...
Turn to Stone by iLuna17 1st-2nd Years
One summer's night in Hogwarts, two statues are given one night to be human.
Ashes of the Past by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Viktor carries the memory of Grindelwald's path of destruction, passed down...
What War Takes by WeasleyMom 6th-7th Years
War takes things and keeps on taking them, and the things it takes don't come...
The Observer Effect by Squibstress 6th-7th Years
Minerva is a watcher. Mostly, she watches Severus. She sees through a glass...
CATEGORIES