omg this is... wow. i loved this chapter. it was long and informative and interesting! loved it!
Author's Response: you already said this, but I appreciate the restatement
omg this is... wow. i loved this chapter. it was long and informative and interesting! loved it!
Author's Response: And the bombshells come falling down... thanks for the review!
Random comments in a good chapter.
minor canon point, would Narcissa have a Patronus and if she did wouldn't the other Death Eaters be suspicious?
There may be more than this that meets the eye, (or I am incredible clueless) but the agent's fate as determined by Bella doesn't make sense.
“We need something to justify our… plans… for this one, Antonin. Would murder suffice?”
I'm assuming the plans refer to her being tortured at Selwins. And they want Death Eaters (or is it just the Muggles who work for them) to know they can't betray the Dark Lord.
At first I thought they were going to frame her for the murder of Ziani but then she already admitted she killed him. But I guess they want to punish her for murdering Ziani. That took at least 3 readings of this chapter to get.
The part I didn't quite get at first was how she betrayed the Dark Lord to begin with because to my way of thinking she hasn't. But I suppose that to Bella just because she is a Muggle she's fair game.
I did notice Severus holding his breath about which murder she would be framed with which leads me to suspect she may have killed another Death Eater, someone involved with the murder of her Muggled parents or guardians.
Not sure if I accept that she could withstand the Cruciatius because she was inclined to hurt herself.
Author's Response: Just because a person is a Death Eater doesn't mean they can't produce a Patronus. Take Severus for example. Hell, I'm of the belief that the Dark Lord could probably produce a Patronus - he'd want to negotiate with Dementors from a position of strength. Bellatrix wants to punish the agent for her utterly insolent attitude. The simple fact that the agent is a fiercely independant Muggle who would not surrender the luhix supply or show Bellatrix the slightest degree of respect would surely incite her greed and hatred. The Death Eaters want to show (at least to some degree) that they are in power and have some degree of lawful authority. By forcing the agent to admit she killed Ziani outside the law makes her out to be a criminal worthy of punishment. That's why they shipped her off to Selwyn's place. It didn't matter if she really had betrayed the Dark Lord or not - he was abroad, and Bellatrix was in charge to some degree. The fact that Bellatrix planned to get rid of the agent her own way and make an example of her would kill two Doxys with one curse. Cruciatus still would inflict pain upon the agent, but she could resist it better due to an exceptionally independant spirit, a very high pain tolerance (due to some degree of exposure), and one more factor that will come up later, but hasn't been mentioned. You'll enjoy that revelation... As for the slight degree of confusion... the story is hard to follow, but that's intentional. One has to think with this one... I hope you still like it, though! Finally, Severus knows nearly the entire truth about the agent, but he's not telling what's really going on. That's in Chapter Eight, and it holds a ton of revelations about the agent and what really happened with her parents... Continue reading, and I hope you enjoy it!
Did Raskoch know the agent was female all along? If he did it seems odd that he didn't tell Bellatrix or Narcissa before this. He certainly didn't know that she was a witch.
I saw in one of the review answers that you are a Ludlam fan. Your writing style seems to imitate him alittle. fast paced and plenty of twists.
Author's Response: I am a Ludlum fan, and his Bourne series is absolutely amazing. As for Raskoch, he did indeed know that the agent was female all along, but he didn't care. To him, she was a worthless Muggle, and he couldn't care if she was a man or woman. If anything, he didn't think to tell Narcissa or Bellatrix because he didn't care.
wow this is sooooo good. I didn't know ben moody had written a song with anastasia but oh well. this is a really good chapter. the memory wipe was a good idea and the german death eater guy! well done
Author's Response: Well, thanks for the comment. I personally love that song...
This story is AMAZING.i love the characters and action.you're truly talented.
i don't think i've red this kinda hp fiction before.So thanks,and update SOON.
Author's Response: Thanks for the comment... of course, I'm always of the opinion that the best is yet to come...
This story is amazing!
Dark and sometimes gruesome in an oddly fascinating way...
Love the idea of Kingsley Shacklebolt having a Squib brother too!
Keep it up :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the comments - if you consider this so far gruesome... well, Chapter 7'll soon be in the cue...
This chapter and the succeeding chapter gets kind of confusing. In part that is good because the reader feels the fear and some of the paranoia that the main characters feel.
But there are a couple of things that I am wondering about.
Damien when he first takes off his Invisibility cloak is described as a thichset blond man. Later he raises his caustic eyebrows and brushes his reddish hair from his eyes. Metamorphagus or editing?
After she leaves Damien hears heavy footsteps. Does he actually see that person he is talking to? Is that person wearing an Invisibility Cloak or is it just standard operating procedure that Damien doesn't look at him. I supposed it's implied by one little sentence might be helpful. Something like Damien didn't bother to turn around; just answered the questions while staring out at the sea.
--"He had better not succeed. We need the agent alive until we can take over the operation for ourselves. We may know where the luhix stash is, but we don’t know who’s running it. Once we have that, we can deal with him directly.”--
This part of the conversation is clearly spoken by Dolohov.
--“Has our agent friend leaked anything yet about that?” Ziani silently shook his head, and there was a muffled curse behind him. “Well, he’s a crafty one all right. --
The next paragragh is also spoken by Dolohov but it's a little confusing because it is a separate paragraph one thinks it is Damien saying it. I think the the question about our agent friend should be put in the preceding paragraph. The shaking of the head should stand alone and Dolohov's final comment should be a separate paragraph and something like the heavy voice added so the reader knows it's Dolohov speaking this.
Author's Response: Thanks for bring all that to my attention - the chapter was rather fragmented to write, and I knew there were going to be grammatical mistakes somewhere... Still, I hope you've enjoyed it. Also realize that the confusion induced is intentional - it is tough to follow, but certain information needs to be concealed until the right time.... Still, I hope you continue to read - it only gets better...
oooo this story is getting GOOOOOD!!!
Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you think so. I'd like to think that it only gets better... keep reading to find out!
I'm confused. Is the agent a man or woman? You start off saying the agents a woman and later you refer to the agent as a man. It's wierd!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Ah... i see your confusion. You see, the majority of people in story (up until a certain point) believe the agent is male, but certain people realize the agent is female. It does indeed get weird with the alternating pronouns, but you can be assured the agent is a girl.
omg this is amazing! how did you find out about luhix? not many people know about that one! briliant story by the way. love it!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Hehehe... im not telling where I found the information about luhix. If anything, you already know...
Humming theme from Mission Impossible da da da da da da da da, do do doooo, do do doooo, do do do dodo
Cool fic. It really does remind me of Mission Impossible, in a dark, wizarding, kind of way. Very action packed with lots of gun battles and explosions.
Snape kinda Cruise like only cooler (and better looking?) he, he, he.
I like all the dark imagery. The muggle/wizard mix is good and very well done. I was a bit surprised that the agent was a woman, but I like that twist. I also like the addition of Tonks as the ally and former friend. The portrayal of the Order, particularly Kingsley, was very good. I like the introduction of Keith, too. The self mutilation portion was original and chilling.
I have favorited the story and look forward to updates.
Author's Response: Mission Impossible, eh? I was actually thinking of the Bourne series... ;) In any case, I'm glad you've liked the stuff so far, but Chapter 7 is the real bombshell - prepare for a climax...
I should have added this to my favourites list ages ago as it took me ages to find the latest chapter in the list of recents. I love this fic, it has my favourite character Snape but it also has the intensity to keep me interested. Can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Well, as soon as Ch. 6 gets approved, then you'll see more. :) Glad you've enjoyed it so far!
i noticed that you didn't have many reviews, which is a crime, because this story's fantastic!
Author's Response: Thanks for that - ironically, this story now has the most reviews of any I've written!
wow dude! this is an exellecent story! i have only read da first chapter, but itz REALLYYYYY Good!!!! u should think about pubishing it but changing the names and everything.
Author's Response: Kinda funny you say that, considering that I am seeking publishment of one of my own original works in a universe I created. I hope you continue to enjoy this story, though!
It was amazing! It was dark, powerful, scary and fantasticly written. I don't often read stories about the 'dark' characters of the series (i.e. Voldie, Bella, Cissa, Snape etc) because I tend to find them too depressing, but I'm very glad I read this one!
The sense of mystery about who the agent was, at first, really got me into the story. (And it was a fantastic plot twist she ended up being a girl.)
It was interesting showing how Rufus S. died, because it's never really gone into depth in the DH.
The plant idea was original and lodgical. It seemed much more effective than the Imperius Curse, because, like Barty Crouch Jr., they may be able to fight it after a while.
The desciption was fantastic as well - very vivid!
I just have a few minor corrections:
'This is but a side business for me, my work makes me plenty.' ----- I don't really think you need the 'but' it sounds a bit unecessary.
You also alternate 'luhix' with 'Luhix', and I prefer it with a capital 'L'.
But, apart from that, I thought it was a great job!
Author's Response: Well, thanks for all of that! I appreciate the criticism, and I'll keep your comments about the Luhix in mind (and if you liked the plot twists early, you'll love the ones coming up...)
yup, gonna stick this on my favorite list. good mystery.
Author's Response: You'll like the next chapter, then... the mystery gets even better
Author's Response: Thanks. I hope you continue to enjoy it.
This is a really great story. I like the tone you've set and I especially enjoy the similarities between 'the agent' and Snape...I'm really interested to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Those simliarities will become even more apparent as the story goes on... you'll be shocked...
Wow, that was very good, but who was the agent? I have to admit; having this mystery to solve will definitely bring me back to read the rest when you continue it. Using a drug to control people actually sounds like a better way to make sure they stay under your power than the Imperius Curse. A lot of witches and wizards can fight the Imperius if given enough time. I say again, good job, and I will be back for more when you update.
Author's Response: Well, thank you for that, and the next chapter is on its way!