Ok, ok, this chapter had me on tenterhooks! If it had been a book, I would have called it a page-turner, but it's not so...
Anyway, I particularly liked your action sequences. Normally I loose interest after about 5 minutes of fighting. But yours were exciting, dynamic and read well. They flowed of the page rapidly, without falling into the basic 'He kicked her. She shot and him but missed. He randomly decided to blow everything up.' patten.
The beginning was also really vivid, and well-written. And the end was SO SO SO dramatic. I can't wait to see how it turns out!
I only picked out two mistakes:
‘cellular phone’ ---- most Brits use ‘mobile’ or ‘mobile phone’
‘It ain’t my fault you got your magic and I became… what you call those people?”
“Squibs,”’---- interesting plot development, but I kinda feel that, if Keith/K-Crank were a squib, he’d know what they were called. Being a squib must be a pretty important part of your life, so he’s unlikely to forget the name. Just my thoughts on the matter.
I forgot to mention, the characterization was really consistent. Bella and Snape were just hiIarious, and I like the way you portray the Dealer as an independant, unsentimental gal, while at the same time you're beginning to brink out some of her weaknesses!
Author's Response: Well, thanks for the review... geez, it's been forever since I've gotten a review from this site. I've moved the majority of my stories to fanfiction.net and Fiction Alley (I've had a lot of problems submitting fics to this site, and frankly, having to put tags in all the time just gets on my nerves), so if you ever want an easier read, check out my stuff there (Angel of Dreams on Fiction Alley, angelofdreams13 at fanfiction.net). Thanks for your support, and keep reading!
An absolutely amazing fic. I'm glad Nicci got her life back in the end, I wonder what she'll do with it.
Wonderful, deep, and moving. Definitely a favorite.
Intriging, exciting and unpredictable! And very, very well-written. I am at a loss to try and figure out what's going to happen! This story is certainly getting 'curiouser and curiouser'.
I particularly like your characterization. Snape, in particular, was very IC (I loved his comment: “Now, Narcissa, you should get home before you pass out on my living room floor. I don’t want to haul your unconscious body back to Lucius – it could provoke awkward questions.”
it was so Snape, with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor. But at the same time, he's trying to look after Narcissa. I think. I'm not sure - there are so many mind-boggiling twists and turns!)
Some small things I picked up on:
' ”So, you believe this luhix trade...' ---- the " is the wrong way round.
' dear Narcissa.” ' ----- it sounds a bit too informal for Voldermort to be saying this. I always think of him being very cold with his Death Eaters, especially Narciassa, whose husband is in big trouble.
And I think that the way the Dealer Agent is pretending to be a boy for a very convincing reason. Sometimes I think people just have girls dressing up as boys to add to the confusion.
Author's Response: Thanks for the commentary. If anything, I had the Dark Lord act a little more 'familiar' because he was toying wtih Narcissa - nothing more, nothing less. And you'll see in the next chapter, things will get much more ugly...
I liked this chapter. Kind of surprised it went this way. I thought for sure she would be dead by now. Your explanation as to why things happened is well thought out. especially your explanation as to why the Cruciatius curse didn't hurt her that much.
Author's Response: Nicci's a survivor (you'll see more of that in the sequel to this story "The Broken River") and she's tough. Glad you liked the chapter, though!
Sorry, it's been awhile since I last reviewed. This chapter is good on second reread. The fact that the plant has to grow in blood drenched soil is especially macabre.
Author's Response: That was extrapolated from actual fantasy 'facts' about luhix, to be completely honest. Technically, the plant was supposed to grow in hell - and I couldn't really work that into the Potterverse effectively. Glad you liked it though.
Well, I finally got around to finishing your lovely story, and all I can say is: Eek! It was fantastic! I wish there was more. I love Nicci's character and how you tied everything in with The Deathly Hallows. I hadn't rightly expected it, but it was a nice little twist. This was amazing, and I hope you continue writing, even if it's not with this character/story. Well done!
Author's Response: As you've already found, Nicci's in my current project, the fic "The Broken River" - the sequel to Dealer Agent. I'd advise all who liked this story to take a look at its sequel...
Words cannot express a "review" for this story. Keep writing.
Author's Response: It appears I have another fan *smiles*... well, The Broken River is the sequel to Dealer Agent, and the first chapter has already been validated (second's in the cue right now!)
I'm vaguely confused. I thought you said the Luhix was coming from Auschwitz, but Auschwitz was in Poland, so is it being routed through Germany or is it being grown in one of the German campsites?
Author's Response: Raskoch was routing the luhix through Germany - that's where his primary location is. Thanks for the tip, though.
I just want to say this is an amazing story. Great plot, and outstanding style of writing. The best fan fic I've ever read!!
Author's Response: ...Uh, wow. Thanks a lot for that! I can only hope you'll like the sequel as much - titled "The Broken River", it should be approved soon.
Author's Response: Oh my god. That was not what I was thinking...
OOOOOOOO Scary. Did lupin die or no?
Author's Response: Keep reading and find out!
OOOOO A Turn of events, we have.
Author's Response: And you're only on the second chapter... keep reading - it gets better.
Good so far...
Author's Response: Keep reading - it only gets better.
OMG that was so bad ass! I totally was not expecting that. I absolutely adore this story!
Author's Response: Well, I'm glad your enjoying it!
Wow, your story was amazing and unique! I liked how you were able to connect your story with DH like mentioning Voldemort's trip abroad, etc.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your review - it helps remind me why I even write fanfic.
awwwww i love this story. (L) and i love the name nicci tara snape its so.... different. amazing story.
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. I am planning on using Nicci again for a later work, so keep your eyes open!
I loved it! It's hard to find good darkfics around here, but this (even though I've only read the first chapter) is fantastic! Good work!
Author's Response: Well, keep reading... I hope you continue to like it!
I loved Snape's reaction when he found out that Tonks was pregnant. Excellant lecture from the 'bad guy'.
Author's Response: Yeah... not what you'd really expect from him, eh? Thanks for the note - that was an interesting chapter to write!
omg this is... wow. i loved this chapter. it was long and informative and interesting! loved it!
Author's Response: uh... third restatement? Thanks for the emphasis, though.