Aw, how sad! I really enjoyed this, though, very nice of point of view. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Lindsey!
Your story would probably be better read if I had taken the time to read “A Potter and a Malfoy”. I did not but it was an entertaining read anyways. I only had one complaint through out the whole thing and that was the melodrama that seemed a good friend through out the whole. Read aloud some of the statements made by Ginny and Harry. I always find that it helps. Would you say some of those things in real life? I liked the progression of the fic: it was deliberate and precise and I loved the follow through. Great job and good luck on your entry.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Actually, it is not necessary to read A Potter and a Malfoy, but I have gotten some reviews talking about how they wish that there could have been more about what happened afterwards, and there are some definite hints in that.
It was an interesting idea for an epilogue, but I really think you need to expand on it. Ginny's whole 'I'm leaving you Harry' was very sudden and un-Ginny-ish. She sounded a bit...gushing and melodramatic. Ginny's a very practical, down-to-eath character, and this seemed a bit simpering for her. And I think you could have introduced the fact she wasn't happy with the marriage a bit more gradually.
Harry pushing his family away to protect them is very IC and just what he would do. The murder of Lucius was also a bit sudden - it just popped up like a jack-in-the-box.
And how come Rita has suddenly started journalism? Because Hermione would never let her off so she could start writing big, fat lies about people!
I think it was very interesting, but there are some huge gaps still left in the story!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. However, I think it is important for you to remember that this is set 19 years after the final battle. Rita hasn't suddenly started journalism; it's been more than 20 years since Hermione and her original agreement. (Also, she wasn't writing lies, so it's allowed). Also, while it may anything else may have seemed sudden, remember: it's set 19 years later, and the main point of the story is not what happened, but the consequences of it all.
Overall, this was a very interesting one-shot. The plotline was well done and intriguing: the idea of Harry pushing his family away so they wouldn't be hurt by his actions is a very Harry-ish thing to do, and I think you captured that aspect of his character very well. I also enjoyed the incorporation of the interview and letter into the fic--it made for a nice variety of voice and tone, which is always good to see, especially in such a short piece.
Now, a few criticisms. There were certain events that seemed rather abrupt, like Ginny telling Harry she was leaving him and Harry confessing he killed Malfoy. Since we didn't really get a glimpse of what Harry and Ginny's marriage was like beforehand, Ginny leaving with the children seemed like a rather out-of-the-blue event to me. Harry saying he killed Malfoy had the same sort of effect on me--it was surprisingly sudden.
I know the challenge called for a one-shot, so you obviously couldn't say *everything* here. I do think that the parts I mentioned above could use a little more development, however.
Overall, though, good job! I wish you the best of luck in the challenge =]
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I didn't want to go into a lot of detail, because I was trying to mimic Jo's style, and she leaves a lot of holes open for interpretation. The actual epilogue just goes straight from the final battle and such to 19 years later. If you want some hints of what happened afterwards, the other fic in the Ellie Vicky and Ellie Cathy series is "A Potter and a Malfoy." Kate
Good job! I just wish you'd introduced the killing of Lucius Malfoy somehow, we all know what awful, heinous, monstrous bastard he was, but it just seems so sudden..
Although I can see how witnessing someone who is obviously very guilty go free can be more than just a little disheartening.
Author's Response: Thank you! While it was tempting to focus on the actual murder itself, the point of the fic was more the consequences of the action, not the action itself. Although I was pretty tempted to go into detail :D
I hope you don't mind a slightly disappointed review...
I thought you made some interesting points, but the fic didn't seem to meet the challenge prompt. An epilogue usually tends to resolve a story rather then blow it wide open. (Please keep in mind this is just my opinion. To each their own.) I felt like this version of events left dozens of questions hanging. Most importantly, what happened to Harry? I was also left wondering what on earth caused his actions. You didn't say when he killed Lucius, so I wasn't sure if it was five years ago (when the change came over him) or whether it was long before that.
I thought that the story was a bit choppy. There was a lot of room, given your ideas, to expand on Harry and Ginny's thoughts and emotions. I don't insist that the epilogue be all happy and flowery (in fact I admire the fact that you choose the opposite route) but if you are going to make it angsty/dark it needs more development and exploration. 'Fluff' doesn't require as much attention to detail/careful character developement/reflection; hence the term 'fluff.' You struck out in a completely new direction-- bravo-- but now the fic needs to be fleshed out and polished.
And I think it is a contradiction for Harry to say that he 'killed Lucius Malfoy in cold blood' when later he says he 'killed him when he was extremely upset.' Harry might be emotionally confused, but as a character he should remain consistent. Once again, I admire that you chose to portray Harry in a completely new light, but I encourage you to make the 'new Harry' a believable one.
I think you have a great idea going here, you just needed to take more time explaining it/laying it out for the reader. 1,900 words just aren't enough for something this huge!
I hope my criticism helps... and I truly hope I don't sound mean. *offers bar of Honeyduke's Chocolate*
Author's Response: Fauna, don't worry about sounding mean. You are completely entitled to your own opinion, and I am sorry that I you were not completely satisfied with this fic. Now, you say that there was plenty of room for Harry and Ginny's emotions and feelings. While you are right, I would like to draw your attention to the real epilogue. How much do we know from that? In reality, because I was writing an epilogue, I tried to make it similar to Jo's work. Meaning, we only know some of Harry's thoughts and some emotions. Also, this happens to be part of the Ellie Vicky and Ellie Cathy series, and if you read "A Malfoy and a Potter," you'll find hints that Harry is back with his family. Thank you very much for your review, and don't worry, I'm not upset with you :) Kate
Is there going to be a second chapter??? You can't just leave it there!!!
This was so original. I'm not sure whether it's terribly epilogue-like, but I loved it.I had never even thought of the possibility that Harry might do a thing like that- and I don't know if I'm talking about murdering Lucius or pushig his family away! Both, I suppose.
And I liked the Lizzie and Ellie thing. I mean, it'd get a bit confusing, but it was a cute pun.
The interview and the letter from Ginny were woven in very nicely! It's always nice to have that change in tone.
Congrats on a great fic! I cross my fingers for you! Rah rah Ravenclaw!
If there's no more I may be forced to hex you. You have been warned.
Author's Response: Ha ha! Sorry, Phia, but this challenge was only allowed to be a one shot. I'll put a possible sequel on my To Write list, though! As for the Lizzie and Ellie thing, that's from another one of my stories and I just had to work it in there!
This was a definite twist on the epilogue, and I have to say very strange. I do like that Harry would want his family to not like or miss him very much when he turned himself in. But that was really harsh.
You did a great job portraying the loneliness and heartbreak in the marriage. I love Luna and her little bit of wisdom for Ginny. The letter was a nice touch, and to leave it to the reader’s imagination as to whether they got back together was genius. Great job and I hope he got his family back.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you very much!
Interesting, confusing and abrupt. Interesting 'cuz I don't see Harry acting this way. Confusing 'cuz not much explanation was given for his actions. And abrupt 'cuz it just stopped, I would have thought there would be more to it.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I tried to explain that after Lucius Malfoy got off, Harry killed him, and then over the years pushed them away so that they would not be hurt when he turned himself in. He thought that he would have been given more of a punishment, and when he didn't, he allowed an interview with Rita Skeeter so that he could reach Ginny and try to explain what happened.
i hope you write more about this! it's really good and I want to know if Harry changes or not!
Author's Response: Thank you! As of right now, I have no plans to write more but I might put it on my list of plot bunnies to tackle some day.
I hope there's more. I really like this. You captured Harry's self-sacrificing well.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!