This is an interesting start. It sounds like a promising, fun story, just be sure to stay away from cliches. They sneak up on you!
One thing that is a huge cliche is Head Dorms. They are never mentioned in the books. Try to stay away from them!
I do really like the idea of them getting to know each other through the Portrait. It's clever and works well, because of Ravenclaw's Entrance. Cute idea!
One part that I didn't get is the: "...almost wishing that James wouldn’t wake up alive." Was Sirius thinking that? *gasp* Will this come into play later?
Anyway, I'll definitely be reading ;)
Author's Response: I expalined a little more about the Head Dorms in a previous commenters post- basically, I plan to do a few things with the idea, but thank you so much for the warnings. I will try to stay away from more overused ideas. :) Ah, and about the Sirius line, just to clarify- basically he was just thinking about the idea of Lily actually getting back at James by murdering him in his sleep. I meant it to be that Sirius would think it an interesting idea, especially since they would now share a dormitory and that James accidently pranked her right in the beginning of the year that they would be together the most. (Of course never really hoping that his best mate would be killed! ) Thanks for your helpful comment, and I'm so pleased to here that you thought it was interesting.
Oh this is goooooooood.........! I love it! I can't wait for the next chapter! One little hint though make sure you double check your story because there are missing words and miss spelled words too. Other then that, I think you have a great story here! :)
Author's Response: Thank you. I do think I did rush resubmitting it because I did a full rewrite, so I will definitely spend time double, triple, and quadruple checking! Thanks for the comment!
This is so cool! I love your descriptions, especially the engravings! Where did you get the idea for that?
Author's Response: Thanks! You know what? I've no idea where I got that idea; I suppose it just kind of came to me, and I couldn't resist but use it!
Okay, apart from one thing, this story is the makings of genius. Seriously, it's wonderful in every aspect, apart from one tiny little thing...
HEAD DORMS! GAH! I'm sorry, but I cannot stand them! There's no mention of them in canon, and I doubt that Dumbledore would allow two hormonal teens sleep in such close proximities.
BUT apart from that, I look greatly forward to reading more from this story. It sounds like it has an interesting and orginal plot (that's almost unheard of in Lily/James fics...) and it sounds like it's going to be really funny.
Just watch out for more cliches such as Head dorms.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks a lot! I plan to do a bit more with the head dorms which was the reason that I put them into the story in the first place, but I do respect and appreciate your warnings. It means a lot to me that you think that OAF is interesting and original! Thank you for your nice and helpful comment. :)
ooh good start
can't wait for more
Author's Response: Thanks, I'll try to update soon!