MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Fallen Star

Name: joybelle423 (Signed) · Date: 01/25/08 2:22 · For: The beginning of the end
*flail* A Regulus story from Steph! And a beautiful one, at that, even if it's a little short. You certainly don't waste words – each one does its job. I especially like the first paragraph – it paints a picture in my head, so vividly. I adore all the adjectives, and you use them perfectly. It's not overdone at all. And mm, your Regulus is powerful and frightening, and he's smirking, and wow. I really like him, and I do not blame Borgin in the least for telling him what he wants to hear.

There are a few lines I found … funny, and I wasn't sure if you did that on purpose, but if you did, hee. I like that it's such a serious situation but there's still room for the characters to be not perfect. If that makes any sense. I guess I'm trying to say that in reality, people don't have their conversations scripted, so I like how believable you've made this.

This line made me giggle, at the repeated "name" … but there's also a typo. It should be "the pinned man" … 'Sir, with all respect,' he pinned man gasped, ‘who are you to speak He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s name on your lips?’ And this, too …'Don’t fool me, fool.' I love that. *snickers* I wonder if Borgin was trying not to laugh at the repetition – surely he wouldn't have dared to do so in that situation, but haha. It's fabulous.

I'm puzzled by this line, though …Did he know that his soul that he hoped for her to wear next to her heart would never fit between the gold? I see that Regulus explains, but the line is still really confusing. What does he mean by "soul"? Just his picture? I wonder if it's a reference to the piece of Voldemort's soul that's inside, but I also wonder if Regulus would slip something like that casually into his speech.

Another thing that puzzles me: At the beginning, Borgin doesn't know who Regulus is, but later, he calls him "Master Black". When he asks Regulus who he is to be using Voldemort's name, is that just like … "who do you think you are" instead of "what is your name"? *shrug* It's not a huge deal whichever way; it's just something that caught my attention. And oh, here's another typo … Towards Knockturn Ally … it should be "alley".

Wow, sorry this is so disjointed! I really adore your characterisation of Regulus – it's different, but wonderfully so. And omg, I just noticed that this isn't complete! Ack! I can't wait to read more! *squishes*

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 19:11 · For: The beginning of the end
SPEW buddy! -squishes- Sorry I’m doing this so late. -hides-

This was so interesting! Almost like a missing moment sort of deal. I really liked how you started it out; it contained an element of mystery to it that I found intriguing. The word choice is wonderful – ‘rushing silence,’ ‘void of noise,’ ‘gasps for breath.’ Very strong, very lovely. I thought the first sentence got a little heavy at the end, a tad difficult to read, but the idea was great.

I have to admit I didn’t at first think Regulus was the one questioning Borgin. Or maybe it’s more accurate for me to say that I wouldn’t have thought it was Regulus if I hadn’t known this was for Marie. -shifty eyes- I can’t decide if this is a good or a bad thing. I think my problem is that I have Regulus characterized very specifically in my head, and the Regulus you’ve written here is slightly different from mine. But that doesn’t make it bad, just different. So now I’m just rambling. I think you wrote Regulus effectively. I can feel his tension, and the importance of what he’s asking about.

I would have liked to see more description towards the beginning, with the initial dialogue. It seems like the end is much more fleshed out than the beginning. Additionally, I thought the dialogue was a bit confusing in parts. For example, when Borgin is explaining to Regulus about where the locket is, I found the entire exchange hard to follow. I had to read it a few times to fully grasp what exactly had happened, and why it was important.

I think the ending line is my favorite. Not even He himself realises the true value of his object. Oh snap. That’s awesome, a very powerful way to end the chapter. And yet, it still leaves us with a sense of mystery. Lovely job, my dear. I’m eager to read more of this.

Author's Response: I tend to get a little heavy when I';m trying to create a feeling, but it ends up like... a sack on anvils, I think. And they're not ACME ones, either ;).

Agreeance on the characterisation. I haven't got hiom figured out so much in my head, either, so that'll be a learning experience. Thanks for the feedback, hun!

Name: nausicaa17 (Signed) · Date: 09/07/07 19:46 · For: The beginning of the end
I loved this. Everything about it was perfect - setting, descriptions, context, everything. I especially appreciated the little foreshadowing you had Regulus say, that bit about how Borgin doesn't know whose soul the customer was giving to his wife? Not to mention, your characterisation of Borgin and Regulus was spot-on, and the quip about reproduction made grin. XD

Great work as always! -hugs-

Author's Response: Haha. Damaged apendages seem to make us giggle XD This isn't a one-shot btw :D I just need to work on writing the rest of the chapters, lol. There's the ideas there!

You must login (register) to review.