This is a very different fic from anything I’ve read before. You’ve dealt with a topic that is very interesting and you’ve handled it in a very well done way.
I really like the little snippets of detail you’ve given the reader throughout. For example “She fights back weakly against his strong hands. Even if she had her wand or her wits about her she could not stop him now.” It really gives a strong visual image for you to see when you’re reading.
I actually found the emotional connection you’ve created between Christian and the woman he is with at the beginning very interesting. It is like there is some kind of history and even mystery between them which is very intriguing and really makes you want to keep reading just to get more clues! Great way of keeping a sort of suspense on that!
There were a couple of the tiniest things that I’m just picky about. I hope you don’t mind me pointing them out! :)
“… dragging another old student of hers form the darkness behind him.” I think that the ‘form’ should probably be ‘from’. Also, a few lines down there was a closing speech mark missing I believe.
Wow, the ending is very powerful. Your detailed descriptions and just this style of writing seems very fitting for the ending you have. The sort of added on epilogue part is also very effective as a sort of explanation of everything. Overall I thought this a very good fic with some lovely examples of description and eye for detail!
Well done!
Phily :)
Very interesting story.
I was intrigued by the end; how Ravenclaw was writing to Slytherin about the failed attempt at making a Horcrux (I wonder what he did with this info?) and the creation of a Dementor.
Although, what went wrong when he was creating the Horcrux? He kills the girl, he takes out the part of his soul, he puts it in the metal charm. Did he accidently take out is whole soul or something?
I had a hard time figuring out what was happening in the beginning, but I quickly discovered what was going on and fell into the groove of the story.
This is probably one of the most interesting fics I've read in a while.
Christian's character was perfect. He was a clever, a bit psychotic. He gives you the creeps just reading about him. He seems like just the person who would want to make a Horcrux, a lot like Voldy. It looks like he was unloved. He didn't believe he would a Christmas present after all.
I loved the theory that a Dementor is made from a failed Horcrux attempt. The two ideas - Dementors and Horcrux - are so much alike. Both deal with the soul, and both do inhumane things to it.
I loved how you described Christian after he became a Dementor. The description was perfect. It was creepy and chilling.
But the warmth turns and runs from him and his decayed, disfigured face, although it froze for a moment in fear of him. He drifts away to search elsewhere for another being that will make him warm for a few more minutes. That will let him feel again if only for those few fleeting seconds.
I loved this section. It really describes a Dementor well. I've tried writing from the POV of a Dementor, and it's hard. You can feel his emptiness here, the need for warmth.
Rowena was amazing. She is exactly how I would imagine her; calm, collected, extremely intelligent. I love her note to Salazar at the end. It really shows her intelligence. I loved how she came up with the name Dementor; it’s very clever.
This is probably one of the most interesting fics I've read in a while. Your imagery is great, and I was sucked into the fic. Great job!
~ Teresa
WOO! It was validated! ^_^ (I told you I'd copy-paste it didn't I?)
So...ahem...
Oh wow! That was... simply amazing! Wow! I just finished reading it and I don't know what to say!
Okay, first -- I absolutely love your writing style. It's just so flowing and...natural.
The characters... We were able to see Christian's madness clearly. He was fantastically written. The origin of a Dementor... It's a really nice theory. And Rowena... I liked that part where Christian is angered because even though Rowena is bound and unable to do anything, she still thinks she's better than him, even though he's about to, supposedly, achieve immortality.
From what I read, Christian wasn't very loved, was he? "He had told Rowena no one would send him anything for Christmas and she had proved him wrong. Like she always proves him wrong." Oh and there it is! Rowena proving him wrong! And Christian takes insanity to a whole new level. He wanted immortality to finally prove Rowena wrong.
However, I can't help but wonder -- did Rowena know this would happen? That this would happen to him instead of giving him immortality?
As I said, the theory was just great, really. It was very believable. (And no, I won't say 'who knows? Maybe that's what really happened'.) You know, JKR never explained Dementors to anyone >.> I think.
Oh and the ending! But it made me wonder something -- what happened next? Yes, I know, Christian's wandering aimlessly stealing souls from everyone. But how did the next Dementors appear? I mean, with this 'theory' you've written, Dementors are created through an attempt to gain immortality. They keep a deformed body and lose their soul. But how did the next ones show up? More demented people going after immortality?
And you know... When this is validated in MNFF, I'm going to copy-paste this and review >.> Just so you know.
All in all, I thought it was great. (No I wasn't trying to locate any errors because I'm a nuisance with errors.) Loved it!
*giggle* And the opinion remains the same! (If I hadn't Google Desktop, and it wasn't recording MNFF's feeds, I wouldn't have known about this -.-)
Oh and...first review! XD
