MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 10/28/07 21:19 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
It's so difficult to find Severus-fic that satisfies me, because although I love him endlessly, there are so many different possible interpretations of his character. In the case of your fic, it doesn't perhaps fit with my personal image of him, but as far as canon goes, it's simply superb.

You're a fabulous writer - there's really almost nothing that I can criticize. It's solid, sophisticated, intelligent, and exceptionally readable. You write actions very well in particular - they're very smooth and fluid, and create vivid imagery, but not in a way that's distracting. The entire first section is a testament to this; I adored it.

I really enjoyed the way you interpreted the Oscar Wilde quotation, and how you used it to structure the story. However, the second section wasn't nearly as good as the first, it seemed to me. It was disjointed and irrelevant in parts - perhaps if you reworked it a bit and made the purpose more pronounced, that would help. My favorite line from the entire fic was in the second section, though: "Itís greenly dim, he suddenly realises, and he bites back an utterly inappropriate, ironic laugh, because sometimes he thinks that some higher being must have decided that green ought to be the theme colour of his life." Very, very clever and emotionally intense, but unexpected. It's a perfect comment for Severus's sardonic and intelligent nature.

Your characterizations are wonderful. In the limited space that you have, you made Lily and Severus become living, breathing, bright, and flawed people without using very much explicit characterization at all. The adjectives/adverbs and the interaction worked beautifully, mostly notable in the first half.

Aside from the constructive criticism about the second section, I'd like to point out two minor things. One is the use of "'round." It distracted me while reading, and I don't see the purpose of it. It's not a glaring flaw of any sort, but I thought I'd mention it. Also, "But he supposes that isnít really what counts anyway." I believe there should be a comma before "anyway."

Otherwise, congratulations on a very well done one-shot. I greatly admire your strength as a writer, and it was a treat to find such a wonderful fic about Severus. Keep on writing - you could go places.

Name: Padfoot519 (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 11:31 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
i little confused about the second part but the first is good

Name: TheBlackSister (Signed) · Date: 09/04/07 6:36 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
As a die-hard Sev fan, I say thank you! This is very good!

Name: FullofLife (Signed) · Date: 09/03/07 6:14 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
"Youíre such a coward."

I think that was the most moving line in an amazingly, refreshingly, beautiful but terribly sad story. I'm glad Lily kissed him - but maybe it only increased his pain? If Snape had just allowed the good in him to shine, he wouldn't have been left like he was - and I don't think he would have lived like he did, or died like he did.

The other touching part of this story (something I've been looking for for a while) is the fact that you included Snape's love for Dumbledore in here. From DH it is obvious that Snape really, truly loved Dumbledore like a father, or a brother.

Thank you for a great story!

Name: sam_1034_lily (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 16:57 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
i liked it very much
i always luved snapes stories n he was very much in character

Name: KneazleWeazl (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 9:39 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
Very good. I liked this very much.

Name: jrengelbrecht (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 9:29 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
Breathtaking. Is that a little much? I thought it was perfect. I for one love present tense stories-they're so hard to write but read very well! I secretely hate Lily for not saving Snape all those years ago...do you think he wants to be my boyfriend instead? :) All foolishness aside, you are a very talented writed and a very...intuitive? Is that the word I want? A very intuitive person. Thankyou for this gift.

Name: beautyfades (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 8:57 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
Hmmm.... The one thing that really bugged me throughout the entire thing is how your story wasn't written from the past tense form. I've never been a big fan of Present-tense writing and so that fact distracted me slightly and made it harder for me to enjoy the story.

It seemed slightly rushed, but very original nontheless. I think I understand why Lily called him a coward but it wasn't extremely clear so I'm still not sure. A little clarification about that would be lovely as well.

All in all I think that it was lovely to read but not one I would want to be continued.

*Beauty Fades

Name: Fabula_propono (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 6:43 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
I love this story! The quote by Oscar Wilde really ties it all in, it centralizes the theme and lends this fic a sense of purpose. I also adore your characterization of Snape --as one of the more difficult characters to keep canon your efforts are spot-on.

In short, this story is beautiful, well-written, and a positive joy to read.

Name: shaggy_muggle (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 0:57 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
this was brilliant! i was pleasantly surprised that lily and severus shared a kiss like that, because most other fics involving their parting is much colder, with lily basically telling snape where to shove his apologies and then turning her back on him. and the way you tied the two scenes together was very good. i feel too that snape must have been thinking of lily, and trying to trust dumbledore, when he spoke the curse on the tower. once again, this was great. keep up the good work!

Name: Phoenix13 (Signed) · Date: 09/01/07 23:20 · For: Killed the Things He Loved
Wow. Just wow. This is beautiful! I've always found Severus intriguing, and this story brought him to life in a way that was wonderful. Keep writing!

Author's Response: -smiles- Thank you! There's something about him, isn't there? So little of what goes through my head about him comes out in written-down words, but I'm glad that you enjoyed this bit.

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