good start, please continue
Author's Response: Thank you!
ahh i like this! that cliffhanger killed me though, needs to be updated soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This is my first attempt at fan fiction, so I really appreciate the positive comments. I will try to finish the next chapter as soon as possible.
So sweet! But so cliffhangerish! You have to update it as soon as possible!
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! Yeah, I am a sucker for a cliff hanger. I will try not to write too many of those in the next chapters but I just had to for this one :)
I love how you were able to capture Hermione's thoughts. I couldn't believe that you made it through the whole chapter without a single line of external dialog. Amazing.
This is defiantly going on my favorites.
Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate it.
Well done! Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. I look forward to writing more :)
dum de dum du, DUMMMMMMMMMMM............................
Author's Response: Yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up. Thanks!
i really liked this. i can't wait for the next one. also, i think you ended it at just the right moment. i look forward to the rest of it.
Author's Response: Thank you. I will try to post more as soon as possible :)
I really like this story. It needs some more work and refining, but I think you have a GREAT start here and I can't wait to read more! However, on that note, I have some pieces of advice that I think may make your story even better. Consider them constructive criticism, because I really respect you as a writer and I love the start you have, so I'm simply trying to make the story better. Without further ado, my advice:
1. The ending needs improvement. I really loved your last sentence. However, "to be continued" totally mitigated the effect of that sentence. It's unnecesary, we know from the summary that it's not completed, so that means that it's going to be continued.
2. I've noticed that sometimes you use short and colloquial words such as "ok". While people use these words in daily speech, it doesn't look very professional in this fic, and it would probably be better if you reconsidered your word choice.
3. Comma usage- Some times you have really irregular comma usage, and, for me personally as a writer, this is one of the hardest aspects of writing, and I don't think that I have mastered this personally (read my stories if you don't believe me) but it's something that all of us really have to try at improving and perfecting. This is especially important to you because you use long and elaborate sentences, and while some of them are good, sometimes, irregular comma usage makes it difficult to comprehend. Take this sentence for instance: Little did she know at the time, that the tall red-headed boy who was so mean to her, would become her great love, the one person she could not live without.
I love that scentence, don't get me wrong, but some of the comma usage makes it really confusing. You don't need a comma after her, and that's where it gets confusing.
That's it for now. I would like to say again how much I love this story and I hope that my review wasn't too harsh, I'm just trying to help you. Good luck with this story!
Hope my review helped,
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your constructive criticism. It wasn't harsh at all. I really appreciate it since this is my first attempt at fan fiction. Actually, it is my first attempt at fiction at all since I was in elementary school :) I will definitely take your advice into account as I read back through this chapter and write my subsequent chapters. I definitely agree that my comma usage is one of my weaknesses as a writer. I will work on that. Thanks again!
Ah yes! Finally a story about my favorite pair and what they did after the war! Very good start, and keep it up!
Author's Response: Yes, my favorite pair as well. Thanks for your kind words!
Jennifer, welcome to MNFF and three cheers for your first story!
It's wonderful. You have Hermione's mindset down pat. This is a rather long chapter without a dialogue, but it got to the end without being burdensome like most stories starting with back-story and character thoughts.
This goes to my favourites! Good luck and I hope you update regularly! This has been a wonderful beginning. Light and eloquent, touching and simple. ^_^
PS: Have you joined the forums yet? I'll look out for you there!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it. Hermione has always been my favorite character, so it was fun to delve a little into her brain. Yes, I have joined the forums but haven't had a chance to post anything yet. I will definitely look for you there as well. Thanks again!