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Reviews For When We Die

Name: cjbaggins (Signed) · Date: 08/10/08 9:44 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
I enjoyed this. I am usually bored-silly with 'internal conversations' and start 'scrolling' quickly through, but this flowed well and I read every word. I thought at first that Lucius was dead, but perhaps he would never reform enough to be a 'blood traitor'. I think it a fitting ending to Draco's life, though. Gotta love redemption! I'm a little surprised at some of the reviews wherein people nit pick little details. I am very nitpicky when it comes to grammar, but I noticed nothing that detracted from flow at all. Interested in the next bits. cj


Name: slytherinprincess15 (Signed) · Date: 07/14/08 11:54 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. please countinue!!


Name: larien-melwasul (Signed) · Date: 07/10/08 13:09 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Oho! Different twist. But I still like it! Please write some more quickly.


Name: Sylladi (Signed) · Date: 07/08/08 15:07 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Congrats X2pttrclue32 on such a good story! I will certainly keep reading, as you continue to post more chapters.
However, I would like to point out that some parts of this chapter contain repetitions of the same word, like year and dead, that can become a little annoying. Also, "Magical Law" appears twice in a row in the letter from the ministry of magic.
Anyway, great job, good story!
Sincerely,
Sylladi


Name: rosemerta (Signed) · Date: 06/13/08 18:25 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
wow.. very fast moving and compelling. ive read some of the othr reviews. im not sure why ppl cant catch on as to who draco's wife is and as to why he is a man? its all canon. you did a great job weaving in canon with a totally original plot, and im glad u hav plans to weave in parallel storylines! waiting anxiously for the next chapter.


Name: how I live now (Signed) · Date: 06/10/08 15:44 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Wow, that was a really gripping beginning chapter! I soooo want to read more!


Name: gggorrt (Signed) · Date: 06/08/08 17:21 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
I luv the start of the story. I


Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 06/02/08 21:08 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
This is a very good start, I can see why it was made a featured story. Are you ever going to finish it?

Author's Response: Yes, I plan on finishing it. I'm just really slow. Haha...


Name: aussie_chick (Signed) · Date: 06/02/08 5:04 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
OMG does she explode out of shock, I bet she does. talk about sitting the edge of your chair, I was falling off it was that good. You are a legend! lov it!


Name: frenchHORN (Signed) · Date: 05/23/08 8:15 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
This story gave me chill bumps at the end! Nicely written, I can't wait to read more.

And congrats on it being featured =)


Name: turtlesoup2112 (Signed) · Date: 05/09/08 22:36 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
or Son rather.


Name: turtlesoup2112 (Signed) · Date: 05/09/08 22:36 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
I don't think, even in the wizarding world where the culure is vastly different from the muggle one, that a woman would receive a letter if her husband died. There would definitely be a personal visit that would take place.


Name: Vbird (Signed) · Date: 05/04/08 14:22 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
that is very intreging! i cant wait for the next chapter. Its so sad how Scorpius is dead! when you say "his wife is dead" who are you talking about?


Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 04/27/08 18:05 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Congratulations on being featured! This story sounded so interesting from the summary and title that I had to read it.

You write action very well, and I admire it, as I can't in the least. There was a great natural flow to the opening scene, and I also really liked the phrase “shriveled sickeningly.” ^_^ I'm quite curious about who killed Draco, and I was slightly confused about why you referred to him as a man when he was still little more than a teenager, really. I wondered for a moment if it was actually Lucius, but that didn't make sense.

While you write action well, I felt that some of Narcissa's internal thoughts were somewhat stilted and sometimes unrealistic. It was most notable in the transition from thinking about Draco's change in attitude towards Harry to her worry for Draco and hope for news. The change wasn't as subtle and flowing as it would actually be in her mind. Also, you have some grammatical mistakes throughout the story that added to the awkwardness of some of the prose.

For instance, you used ellipses twice, and they threw me off. My personal opinion is that both times separate sentences would have been a good idea, but you might not agree with that. The line between right and wrong is a little hazy, I think. Also, the first sentence in the second section of the fic ran on a bit, so I would also recommend reworking it into a couple sentences rather than one. There was a lone comma error as well in the line, “the Wizarding community could not see beyond, they could not forget the past.” That comma should be a semi-colon or even a dash.

Overall, this is a well-written fic with a very original idea; I'm looking forward to seeing how this story develops. It has great potential because of the combined intrigue of the mystery and the themes that you're going to be able to explore. Good luck!


Name: Wicked Wench (Signed) · Date: 04/27/08 0:18 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
I like how you showed the complexities of Narcissa's emotions.


Name: Frances Flick (Signed) · Date: 04/26/08 19:14 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
I really liked this. It's interesting to read something in Narcissa's POV. I wonder how she will react. Great job!


Name: the_weird_one (Signed) · Date: 04/26/08 14:20 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This is definetly a good story. I love the beginning, it kind of jumps out at you. And the fact that it got an award and only one chapter is up! This must be awesome.
Cannot wait to read more!
Cheers,
-The_Weird_One


Name: DMTAT003 (Signed) · Date: 04/16/08 17:35 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Please update soon.


Name: A H (Signed) · Date: 12/18/07 13:25 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
Sincerely touching story. It gives a wonderful insight into Narcissa Malfoy's thoughts, and shows a much better side of her than portrayed in canon.

I have to admit that the begining- in the forest- is a bit confusing. I had to re-read it a few times before I figured out who died. Other than that the duel is very well written, and the last two sentences are wonderful.

I am curious as to who the killer is. I'm thinking it's Lucius... he might go as far as killing his own son, for severing ties with Harry Potter. You give a good mystery with that, and mentioning that Lucius had come in late.

Ending it with the letter was a good end, but I would've liked to read how Narcissa reacted. It's obvious of course, but I was rather enjoying the story :)

I think that for the first story in a while, it's brilliant.


Name: keturah_ketchup (Signed) · Date: 08/25/07 19:26 · For: The Many Reminiscences of Narcissa Malfoy
That's a good beginning to the story. Keep finishing the story because I'm dying to know what happens next!


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