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Reviews For A True Gryffindor

Name: Osced (Signed) · Date: 12/27/07 15:07 · For: I rummage through the trunk that is not my own...
Great Story, but its hard to belive that Padma could use the killling curse!

Author's Response: I think that she was so upset about death of her sister that she let her anger take over. Thank for reviewing!

Author's Response: I think that she was so upset about death of her sister that she let her anger take over. Thank for reviewing!

Name: Phoenix3 (Signed) · Date: 09/03/07 18:03 · For: I rummage through the trunk that is not my own...
Well I don't know what your prompt or intent was, precisely or roughly, but I'll make an attempt at a review hmm? You can tell me how to be more useful, if need be. =]

First, a simple technical correction:
I live with at my Grandmotherís, with my parents.

I'm not sure what you intend here:
I rummage through the trunk that is not my own, the words Parvati engraved on the handle. But I am desperate to see another part of her, although she is lost.
There is some confusion over "the words," and perhaps that missing something explains why it's "But I am desperate" (which seems to suggest Padma feels anxious over her actions, yet continues)

Now to more character-related comments!

I should begin by saying I really did feel Padma's sorrow over the loss of her sister. I think it was the details you created about the Parvati, things a sister notes and remembers, that show rather than tell how Padma is thinking of her sister, holding tightly to those memories and her love. It's very emotional and to me very realistic because particularly when we're dealing with grief we think of small things--from the past and present--to help us reconcile mourning and living.

To be honest, I don't remember much of what happens towards the end of DH, so I'll just trust you on such details. Although canon details in things like the diary entry and Padma's memory of the final battle aren't really relevant to the story in the sense that our focus here is character (it is, right?)

On that note, I feel like there should be a pause or break or something between the memory and Padma's return to the present (when she leaves for a walk). Both tone and content are changing, and the emotional turmoil of that memory is so disparate to the apparently refreshing walk.

A few more technical grumblings:

In the memory, the part with the Death Eaters, the spells and the dying is rather confusing--so many it-he-shes. It's not uber important, obviously, one might argue it mirrors the confusion of battle, but it does detract minorly from the characterisation. And wouldn't Padma have a very clear memory of that scene? I would love to see more of the detail that used with the bedroom. The contrast of full and empty was a beautiful way to manifest Padma's feelings, and a little detail in the memory wouldn't be amiss in the context of this fic.

I could grumble about a few passing annoyances, but they're stylistic, and I feel phrasing is the author's choice, not the readers. Overall, the characterisation is mature and reflects careful consideration; the tone appropriately rises and falls; deftly descriptive and pleasanty detailed throughout. I enjoyed it, good work, happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for revieing this so throughly. i've had looked at all of your suggestions, and they're all valid. I like your ideas about the more detail in the war memory, and I'm gald you liked the way described Pdama's mourning and grief. As for the techinal errors, it will be some time before I manage to get around to this fic, as I have something like 10 WIP stories at the moment, and school has just started again. (If one of my betas is reading this, that's why I haven't got back to you yet.) One another note, I really think you benefit from joining SPEW. As I'm not part of SPEW, I can't give you much information on it. More information, and how to join, can be found on the MNFF forums. If you not part of the forums, I strongly suggest you join, if you have the time, as it has really helped me develop as a writer. It may be some time before you can join SPEW, but you will in the end. For more information on the forums, click Forums on your toolbar thingy - it's under MNFF store, and above MuggleNet. You could really help wirters like you have helped me. Once again, thank you for such a fabulous review.

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