This was wonderful, StellaSirius. I walked into this story thinking it would be horrible, but it wasn't at all! You are really good, and I see that you put a lot of time into your ideas. You also use good vocabulary, that you think that a real person would use, not something that is too forced. It was easy to understand, too.
One thing, look at your rhyme schemes. Make them consistent throughout the piece. In the first stanza, your scheme was AABB. In the second, it was CCDD. In the third, it was EFGG. The last, and fourth stanza was right, with HHII. Make sure you pay attention to tiny details. It looked like you were searching for a word to put there, but didn't really care when you couldn't find one. Quality!
I love your first two lines, when you refer to Narcissa as a puppet on a string. But, under who? Obviously the Voldemort and the Death Eater, but I wuld mention Bellatrix, her sister, too. She actually cared about her.
Thanks for a good read!
This is a really good. It reallr portrays Cissy Malfoy to perfection. I kinda feel sad for her and the life she's forced to live.
Really good job and I'm really looking orwards to reading more from you.=Sammy
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I feel bad for Narcissa, too. Her rotten SON, on the other hand... xD Thanks for reviewing.
AMAZING! You are brilliant!
Author's Response: I know, I know. xD
Author's Response: OH in my egotistical little world I forgot to thank you for reviewing. xD Thank you so much!
Powerful. Very, very powerful. It gives a rather great insight to Narcissa. I really think you have a great talent for writing! And I hope you continue to write in the near future. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! That really means a lot to me. I enjoy writing a lot, and I'm glad I can share it with others. Thanks for reviewing! :)
Great poem. I loved the ending: And no one ever notices: her smile's painted on her face.
Author's Response: That's my favorite too. :) I think it ties in with the beginning- puppet? paint? Yeah. Thanks for reviewing!
Excellent. I really loved you. You portrayed Narcissa very well and I loved the flow of your poem.
Author's Response: Eeek! Thanks! I really really like your stuff- I'm glad you read this! It was actually based off a slightly emo poem I did when I was angry and stuff. xD So... ahem. Anyways, thanks for reviewing. I love to get them!
Great poem, that last line was brilliant. One of my other favorite lines was
Once upon a time there was a puppet on a string. I think that it was an excellent start to the poem and clearly showed the angle at which you were going to describe Narcissa's character for the rest of the poem. My one bit of critique are that last two lines of the first stanza. They seem a bit short compared to the rest of the poem. Anyways, excellent job. =) Keep writing!
Author's Response: Yeah- this poem was more about the lines and meaning and stuff, and it was one of those that just kinda flowewd onto the computer? I didn't really check it for meter and accents and length and stuff. Thanks for reviewing- I love your stuff!