it's reallly good you should really ontinue it it's soooooo bloody good :)
i like it! its not cliche like other stories. even thhough its just the first chapter, the plots looks like its going to be really good. can't wai't to see whats in lily's diary.
hope you update soon =]
Otherwise, the swarms of desperate fans will HAVE to come after you, demanding you put an end to the cliffhanger!!!..... haha Just kidding o'course.
But still, PLS think about updating this fic???
ooh this could be good please update soon
please update! this seams like it is going to be a realyy great story!
You should like this. It's really good. Hey, I'm Dracana - a new member at Mugglenet, but I do right at Schnoogle and harrypotterfanfiction.com, so I'm not new to the whole fanfiction writing.
Anway, you're the first one I'm reviewing on this site, so . . .
The description was vivid and beautiful. I absolutely loved the imagery, the way you portray things. I liked the scentence: She was sliding out of real reality into her own. It was really effective, and a good way to describe something.
Good work and well done. Did you say Merry Christmas? Does that mean you haven't posted any more since then? Oh, whoops, maybe this review is completely pointless then . . .
i love it get moving on the chapters......... p.s not to sound rude? lol
I like it.
Any chance of updating soon? I love the start!
i dont get it is it over? or are there more chapters to come? cos under the title on my favorites it doesnt say "not yet completed" or whatever.... good story thuogh i like it and you should continue!
Hmm... this story is pretty good, it's definitely got potential, but it definitely needs a lot of work. First of all, in the summary you refer to Lily as a "he" several times. I think you meant to say "James", and if you put James, the summary would be spotless, but for now it just looks sort of wierd. As for the story, it definitely had potential but I was sort of confused. Sometimes, I couldn't tell whose point of view it was in. For example, in the first paragraph you rocket from describing Lily, to James trying his hardest, then back to Lily. I had to read that a few times before really understanding. I really don't think you should refer to Peter as an a-hole, even though it's probably true. Whose point of view is this in? Remember, Peter was a Marauder. Obviously, he was well-liked enough to hang out with James, Sirius and Remus for seven years. Who was saying that about him? His friends were too loyal to say that, and Lily probably wouldn't use such wording. There were a lot of grammerical mistakes, especially involving the quotes. "Him that close seems too close for comfort," was a very awkward pharase. I understand you were striving to be different, but it didn't work. I didn't like the wording at all. Otherwise, though this story has potential. I really like the idea. I also like how the Marauders talked about McLaggin, that was funny. I think you probably need a good beta to help you sort through this story. Is this your first story? I think you're a great author and have a lot of potential. Read through your story again and see what you can improve. I really hope this review wasn't too harsh, and I hope you do the best. I can't wait to see the next chapter!
hey great story! i like where you are going with this. update soon please.
Okay. It has taken me three days, 14 hours and *consults watch* seven minutes to find this story. I read it before, thought it was awesome, and then couldn't find it. I love this story. Please, write more (and ignore the people who say Lily should be more talkative. Do they get the storyline?) This story rocks!!
give. me. more.
Excellant! Please update soon. Poor Lily. (And by the way I completely agree with you, Peter is a bastard!)
i like it very much!!! i give it 20 oh shoot i can only give u 10.:)) Write ssssssssoooooooonnnnnnnnnn!!!!
this is great!!!!!! please update!!! This is one of the better stories that I have read under this catagory, I give you a ten (times about 1000)
This is really good!!! Please continue!!
i like the descriptions of the characters, although i would like to see lily a little more open and talkative..but still a good story, keep it up, and update soon