MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
08/26/07 10:08 · For:
SPEW buddy! *tackles* I have chosen this rather intriguing story to review. The first thing that caught my eye was the summary – I was very interested to find out more about what would happen during the first full moon after Lily and James’ death. It’s something that we know enough about from canon to imagine a situation, but not enough about the character himself,so I really wanted to find out more.
Name: Hermione Clone
Your characterisation and descriptions in this story make it exceptional. The perfect timing – the before and after of Remus’ transformation make his thoughts even more evocative and powerful. I love the structure of this story, beginning with Remus approaching his cabin and then with his thoughts slowly and gradually intensifying. One of my favourite parts of this story is the rapid sharp transgressions from man to wolf and back. I like the way that Remus becomes so lost in his thoughts about the war and his friends on seeing the Daily Prophet article, that the pain of his transformation hits very suddenly. It is both a sharp change for Remus and for me when I was reading, and this made the change much more realistic.
I love the pace of this story, with some parts such as the beginning and end being slower and in a way, more peaceful than other parts such as when Remus is very emotional, and when he is a wolf. There is a lovely balance in the story of pace, which is great to read.
Only a few hours of daylight remained before the full moon would rise on the darkened night sky, illuminating the path to control for the beast within him.
I love the imagery in the starting line of this story. The first part of the description is almost picturesque, though we know that the pale and beautiful moon will only bring pain. It’s also easy to imagine the moon lighting up a sort of path, which in essence, there is no choice for the wolf but to take it.
The blood spattered on the buildings lining the streets looked like a big, obscene graffiti.
Wow. This description is chilling. By this, the “death” of Peter is not only tragic and gruesome, the reference to graffiti almost gives the idea of a taunt, which then intensifies the pain which Remus must be feeling.
The wolf howled with relish. The gnawing hunger in his belly would be sated tonight. He would hunt again and he would kill!
I love your persona of Remus as a wolf. The third person view is effective; though we know that this is Remus, it feels as if this wolf is not the Remus that we know – this is perhaps the unrestrained Remus, with his feelings being unleashed in a form that he cannot control, if that makes sense. The first part of this quote is natural but chilling, the description of the inner feelings of the wolf in a way echo how the man Remus has been feeling. With all that has happened in his life since the last full moon, things that he cannot do anything to escape, and cannot stop thinking about, this seems like a final way to relieve himself of the pain and stress. This desire to kill reminds us of how werewolves, and all wolves, really are innately, and hoe Remus is before the Wolfsbane. This part of the story relates so well with everything else, it was really interesting to see.
Why, Sirius? Why?
I really like the way that this question alerts us to the disbelief and confusion that Remus still feels. He doesn’t understand why Sirius has done what he has done, and I think that he feels betrayed as well. The way that you have used repetition is very effective, although near to the end I felt that there was a bit too much repetition and perhaps (e.g. for the second to last repetition) the quote doesn’t really relate to the paragraphs before and after it, so loses its effect a tiny bit.
h a swish and flick of his wand and a muttered, “Incendio!” he watched Sirius’s face burn merrily until nothing was left of it but ashes.
One of my favourite things about this story is the way that Remus, unintentionally perhaps, keeps on reminiscing – about how the Marauders used to keep him company at his transformations, outings and meals they had, the places that they had lived in etc. In all of these recollections there seems to be a sense of idyllic friendship which makes the current situation even harder to bear. It also fits nicely in with Remus’ lack of understanding for Sirius’ motives; he remembers the Sirius that he thought he knew and cannot bring himself to believe that this is the same Sirius who betrayed the Potters and killed Peter. This final action to me, seemed to allow Remus to move on a tiny bit and let go of his own memory of the happy, friendly Sirius.
This is a fantastic story, Ilka. I loved the characterisation of Remus and the way that different devices and sequences in this story fit together. Well done!
Author's Response: Wow, Suzie! I do believe this is the longest review I've ever gotten and it's soo lovely as well. I'm glad you liked the story so much and you seem to be the only one who picked up on the end being symbolic and allowing Remus to start moving on. *giggles* As long as one person picks up on it, I did my job of showing it. *huggles* Thanks for the review, Suzie dear.
(Signed) · Date:
07/26/07 15:48 · For:
Wow. I loved how you had Remus and the wolf as two separate characters.
I had forgotten that for years Sirius had been thought to have betrayed the Potters, killed Peter etc. When Remus was first recalling the events, I was wondering why he was mad at Sirius and not Peter.
Great job, and keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked what I did with Remus and the wolf. The wolf actually came first, I just had his voice in my head one day and it wouldn't go away gain. *giggles*
(Signed) · Date:
07/26/07 15:17 · For:
Interesting shalt I say. It must have been tough huh? Good Story!
Author's Response: Thanks. I think it must have been very tough for Remus, yes. He hasn't been alone with his 'furry little problem' for years, but now he is again all of a sudden.