Reviewer: whittyleah
Date: 12/10/07 15:37
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow. I love the light you gave to Lucius and Narcissa's marriage. I don't think I have ever read someone talk about Narcissa's feelings about her marriage that way.

You gave Narcissa a great personality and her thoughts were believable. I could totally see her marriage happening that way.

I would have liked more story from in-between the engagement and the wedding though.

Great job!

~Leah

Author's Response: I think when I was writing it, I was writing quickly and somehow incorporated that into the story...to make it fast-paced, so that things seem to be happening suddenly. Eh... Thanks, Leah! ^_^

Reviewer: megan_lupin
Date: 08/15/07 22:59
Chapter: Chapter 1

Firstly, I'll say that I love your portrayal of Narcissa, and though I've always seen the Malfoys' relationship in a bit of a different light than you've portrayed here, I think your characters work very well in their parts.



I really like the final paragraph, and I think it brings the story together in such a great way, especially the last couple of lines. "He had only prolonged her suffering." Excellent line, and a great way to conclude the story.



I also think that having the suicide aspect with the lake -- a place that had always been important to Narcissa and held a deeper level than just any old thing -- was an excellent touch. I've read several stories where characters try suicide, but rarely is there an important thing with the method. Here, you have great symbolism in that the lake was always a sort of freeing place for her in her past, and she chooses to have it "free" her from the world. Again, great job on that.



Now, I have a few nit-picky typos:



He remained quite for quite a long time,



The "quite" here, I'm sure, is meant to be "quiet".



Narcissa stood dully in front of her mirror, as her sister Bellatrix gushed happily,



I don't believe you'd need a comma after "mirror".



Other than that, I didn't see much wrong with the tale. Like I said earlier, your portrayal of the characters -- though different than how I like to portray them -- was quite realistic and believable, especially with Narcissa.



Like I said, great story.



~Megan

Author's Response: Thanks for your detailed review and your nitpicks! I'm also very glad you caught the bit of symbolism with the lake, it's one of my favorite parts of the story.

Reviewer: James Jameson
Date: 08/08/07 10:34
Chapter: Chapter 1

aw... cissy before her marriage. Stupid lucius. gosh i hate him. I was drawn to the story because of the beautiful banner. it was lovely!

Author's Response: The banner or the story was lovely? ;) Hopefully, both. xD Thanks for your review!

Reviewer: _Ivy_
Date: 07/23/07 17:46
Chapter: Chapter 1

Dear, this is just excellent! *huggles* It seems even better than the first time I read it.

-Laila/pureblood.princess

Author's Response: Thanks, Laila!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES