Reviews For The Wand
Reviewer: crazy_purple_hp_freak
Date: 08/20/07 13:38
Chapter: Chapter 1 -- Giant Problem

Something I love about your Neville, Jace, is that he seems really real, really human. He’s not overly brave/Gryffindorish, he’s just himself. I like the way that you show us how Neville fears and when Neville is uneasy, it brings the story right down to earth and the atmosphere is so real too.

After a moment to gather his bearings (and his breath) it was with the air of a cornered rabbit that Neville scrambled to his feet, wand at the ready.
I love this rabbit analogy! It just FITS. :D

One of my favourite things about this chapter is your description of the giants. I really like the way that you have used everyday things as a comparison, e.g. a hand the size of a common room, and using the tree as a tooth pick. It puts things into a perspective that we can understand. Another thing that I really like is the way that we see Neville learning. Often we would see characters such as Neville stumble into a pub and just know that it is a pub. To me, this is unrealistic – I love the way that you have Neville firstly adjust to his surroundings; a place like this must be so different to what he is used to, and I’m glad that you’ve shown this.

The slant to the Death Eaters that you’ve portrayed in this chapter is very interesting to see. As we know, not all Death Eaters are wholly pureblood and hate all things Muggle; they may just pretend to be. This idea of a Death Eater actually in a Muggle pub, drinking pints of beer and enjoying a football match is both clever for the plot and very ironic. It’s an interesting twist, well done!

He also could not see more than 3 meters in front of him, so there was no way to tell where he was.
Here, “3 meters” should be “three metres” as numbers should technically be spelt out, and in British spelling. :)

Overall, a fantastic and compelling chapter Jace!

~Suzie

Author's Response: Yeah, I think it was my grammatical errors that kept me from winning this one. If I had someone beta it I might have. I'll have to remember that for next time.

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: crazy_purple_hp_freak
Date: 08/10/07 10:19
Chapter: Prologue -- Taken

It might be pretty odd for me to be reviewing this after I’ve read the entire fic but oh well .. :p As usual, Jace is awesome. Your characterisation of Neville is astoundingly accurate in everything you write, and I love it. Your storytelling skills are also incredible. I love the way that you’ve begun this; the dark atmosphere of this story is established from the first paragraph and the intensity of this only gets stronger as the story progresses. Mentioning Scrimgeour’s death early on also sets our minds clear in exactly how dark the times have become.

He remembered when he first came into this shop. Mr. Ollivander nearly ripped his hand clean off when he tried to touch that wand in the window.
I really like the way that this short sentence gives us an insight into the Ollivander that we know. The violence behind this makes it really clear exactly how important this wand is!

I think I may have said it in a review for your last gauntlet but I may as well say it again. The flow of your writing is just incredible; reading this story is like watching a movie; we see each event move clearly and understandably into the next, and just as if in a movie, I was pretty shocked and surprised at the presence of somebody else in the shop. I kind of expected it given this sort of story, but it’s one of those heart-stopping moments, you know? Anyway, it’s fantastic.

One of my favourite things about this story is the way that the events unfold. In this chapter alone we see things progress almost backwards, yet this didn’t confuse me at all, it made things much more interesting to read!
…that among the dead is a top ministry official who has been involved with the fight against You-Know-Who.
This is such a good representation of the Prophet! Just as we see in GOF, the Prophet loves to speculate. I didn’t realize until later on in this story who the “top ministry official” was, despite the evidence being presented so early on! This is really clever! However I noticed that you used numbers such as “39” in your article. Grammatically, these numbers should be spelt out; “thirty-nine” etc. You also used some American spellings – e.g. rumor should be “rumour”.

Laughing. Not a care in the world...
This sentence sort of reminded me of Harry whenever he thinks about whatever he has to face and compares it to all those students who have nothing to worry about. It’s great to see the way that Neville really cares about his Gran. Your portrayal of this is both truthful and realistic, Neville’s concern is not overly emphasised and Harry and Hermione’s sympathies are not unrealistic or patronising. Well done! In particular I like the little gestures that Neville is displaying – looking at the window and the fire in hope of news, not caring about his essays etc.

“You know,” he said to the card, “there was a time when I would be leaping for joy in finding you.”
I love this sentence. It shows how much Neville has grown up now, he has much more important things to worry about than collecting chocolate cards. It’s a nice little addition!

Awesome start Jace; again, I love the arrangement of scenes – it’s so unique and well written!

Suzie

Author's Response: Oh.. EM.. ESS!! That huge and very long review was just for the prologue?? ...Suzie, have I ever mentioned that I love you? ^_^

Ok, back to the critique. I know I'm not the best grammatically, and I guess the numbers thing, among others, proved that. The reason why I keep using Americanised spelling is because I don't have a British setting on my word processor. If I did, I would use it, but I was running late as it was, and didn't want to bother anyone looking for a Brit-picky beta.

Another thing was the "leaping for joy" line. I find it rather amusing to see that this is now how I feel about the Gauntlet. I mean, there's so much that's contributed to that. The last Potter book being released, and being disappointed with the end; living in Minnesota and worrying for loved ones in the bridge collapse; my uncle finally coming home after months of physical therapy.... At this point, yes I will be thrilled if I win, but at the same time, I wouldn't be upset about it if I didn't.

And the arrangement of scenes isn't that unique. I just thought of the presentation of the movie "Pulp Fiction", and everything seemed to click in my head.

*loves*
- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: silver_tears
Date: 07/20/07 3:18
Chapter: Epilogue -- Moving On

Kudos for the rather emotional ending. I do believe this is similar to the way DH will end. Hopefully I'll find out in a few hours.

It's a great fic, Jace. I love it. ^.^ I wish you all the luck in the world for the Gauntlet.

*hugs*

-Debbie

Author's Response: This ending took a lot out of me. Mainly because I was drawing memories from both my Grandad's death and the memory of a classmate who died in my last year of high school. For the latter, you can see that Neville is just confused and even though he feels bad, he also feels like he's imposing on them for just being there.

Thank you so much for your reviews, Debbie! Happy reading!

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: silver_tears
Date: 07/20/07 3:02
Chapter: Chapter 2 -- Below Hogwarts

Ooh, I love this chapter. This last scene was terrific. I won't write more here. Gotta read the epilogue.

-Debbie

Author's Response: This one was a lot of fun to write. Mainly because I enjoyed killing Ron a little too much.. >.>

But then I remembered had to keep everyone in character, and that all the characters featured in the epilogue would indeed feel sadness toward his death, even if I wouldn't. Even Neville.

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: silver_tears
Date: 07/20/07 2:51
Chapter: Chapter 1 -- Giant Problem

Again, you gave a brilliant description of the giants: As the hand withdrew, Neville watched as the giant used the jagged end of the tree as a toothpick. Wow... *grins* He saw bits of bones and charred clothes in the fire. Beautifully described imagery there.

-Debbie

Author's Response: See, I always pictured the Giants a LOT bigger than they made Grawp in the movie. And trust me, I was born in California, land of the Redwoods, so I know how big things can get! Haha!

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: silver_tears
Date: 07/20/07 2:41
Chapter: Prologue -- Taken

A very interesting prologue.

The way the setting [Diagon Alley] was described you formed this clear image in my mind which is very different from the way Diagon Alley is described in the earlier books. I especially liked this bit: Past the mammoth building of Gringotts Bank, which now looked not unlike a deserted cathedral. Same goes for Ollivander's - the details are beautiful because they make one feel like they're inside the place you're describing: the dust was thick enough to make a man choke on his breath.

I'm really curious now about Rowena Ravenclaw's wand. What is it? A Horcrux?

You know, I particularly liked Neville, but there's more depth to his character than in the books.

Moving on to chapter 1...

-Debbie

Author's Response: Every time there's a Gauntlet, I pick Neville simply because he's the most under-represented character in the books, and the most underestimated. I know he'll play a crucial role in Deathly Hallows simply because of the fact that he's been in every battle with Harry since OotP, and he's got unfinished business with Bellatrix.

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: The Potter boy
Date: 07/16/07 23:34
Chapter: Prologue -- Taken

awesome....keep going and go quickly...

Author's Response: Er.. thanks?

- Jacie the Cat

Reviewer: Katie616
Date: 07/16/07 21:09
Chapter: Prologue -- Taken

Oh, wow! I really need to find out what happens next! This is a short story so far, but I have a feeling it's going to get very interesting... and I can't wait until it does!

Author's Response: I have this prologue followed by two chapters and an epilogue. Don't worry, things get a bit more interesting.

- Jacie the Cat

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