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Reviews For Cold's Embrace

Name: PaleKendrick (Signed) · Date: 03/24/11 6:21 · For: Cold's Embrace
aww it was so cute. I loved it.

Name: Spirited Celebration (Signed) · Date: 08/19/08 21:20 · For: Cold's Embrace
I think that it was very well written! You did very well with the challenge your friend gave you.

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 04/20/08 20:30 · For: Cold's Embrace
Wow, uhtil your end note I never even noticed that Blaise never spoke, shows how dense i am i guess, either that or your writing was so good that Blaise' actions spole louder than words. Excellent and very unique fic.

Name: demoncat17 (Signed) · Date: 04/12/08 18:49 · For: Cold's Embrace
Oh! How beautiful! Normally I ship Harry and Draco, but you really pulled this one off! Congrats! :D

Name: RavenclawDiamond (Signed) · Date: 03/03/08 15:27 · For: Cold's Embrace
Aww that's actually quite cute, I guess it would be very akward for poor Blaise but it ended happily, yay!

Name: RavenclawDiamond (Signed) · Date: 03/03/08 15:24 · For: Cold's Embrace
Aww that's actually quite cute, I guess it would be very akward for poor Blaise but it ended happily, yay!

Name: Celestial Melody (Signed) · Date: 01/26/08 22:40 · For: Cold's Embrace
Bonjour Melissa! =)

Beautiful beginning, I want to say straight away. The physical analogy—Blaise/Draco, night/day—was wonderful, but its meaning was enhanced by the sentence directly following it: “Mentally, they were the same,” which brings the entire relationship directly into bright, shining view. Splendid job. =)

There are relatively few grammatical errors in this lovely short story, but I believe it's always best to have a bit of concrete (or, constructive criticism, con. crit.) along with praise. It helps in improving one's writing, don't you think?

Thus, I'll be going through the story and pointing out a few very minor things that could be improved upon. Let me hasten to assure you, though, that I found very little to nitpick in your writing. Marvelous job, really.

First, in the second paragraph (bit of an oxymoron-ic statement, eh?), you begin with the word “Slytherin's” involving an apostrophe. However, as “Slytherins” in this case are neither possessing anything nor meaning “Slytherin IS,” the apostrophe should be left off: “Slytherins.” As a general rule—I've noticed that you used the apostrophe incorrectly in other places—unless something is possessing something (for instance: the cat's yarn), or is a contraction using 'is' (for instance: the cat's dancing to the fiddle music), you should not use an apostrophe. Just a brief tip, there. =)

Then in the third paragraph, it should be “Draco and HE” because if you were to delete Draco from that phrase, you would want it to read: “He was different.”

I loved the description of Draco from Blaise's point-of-view. That was really well done. Exactly how I should imagine him, too. Be careful, though, when you use semicolons. Anything divided by a semicolon should be two (or more) complete sentences. Thus: “He longed for Draco’s smooth, pallid skin; his perfectly sculpted lips.” does not quite make sense. “His perfectly sculpted lips” is not a complete sentence, and you would do well to simply place a comma between “skin[,] his”.

Oh! Before I forget,—this is a tiny detail and is one most writers do not think about, but I'm a beta and weird about grammar *grins shyly*—when you are describing a boy's hair colour, you will want to use “blond.” When describing a girl's hair colour, it's “blonde.” Just an obscure tip...

“Perhaps his mother had the right of it.” *sniffs* This is such a grim statement: so black and white. In short, marvelous job. It draws the reader right into the story and shows off Blaise's feelings to perfection.

And then that exchange between Blaise and Draco! My goodness. I loved your descriptive style, especially in this sentence: “Blaise lived his life in silence.” Magnifique! Yes, I agree that Draco has never been one to bite his tongue. I think it's very Slytherin of you (and Blaise, of course) to note this. For, even though he loves Draco, that Slytherin calculating and, well, admittedly a little cold nature comes out in his thoughts about Draco.

Ah! Whenever you begin a sentence with an interjection—oh, cor, wow—you usually want to put a comma after it. For the most part. Really, almost always. As a rule of thumb. *grins* For instance: “Oh[,] how he wanted to tell Draco.”

Ooh... Disease!Draco is REALLY smexy. Great metaphor, that... I really liked it. Beautiful. I want Draco to win, too. *winks*

Just a brief note: You might want to work a little on pronoun confusion. Coming from one slash writer to another, it's difficult to distinguish between who's doing WHAT in a romantic moment ... especially when the persons involved are Male/Male or Female/Female. But in a sentence like this one: “His hot breaths caressed his face.”, the reader might have a little difficulty figuring out whose breath is caressing whose face, you know? It might work better as (because this is from Blaise's point-of-view): “[Draco's] hot breaths caressed his face.”

I love the ... internal confusion in Blaise. You really hit it on the nose; you've a knack for writing Blaise and I think you should continue. Yes! By all means, continue. Marvelous job. As anyone would feel—taking the initiative, loving the moment, fearing the reaction—, Blaise does, too. (Confusing sentence, that. *pulls face*) I could feel it all. I try to make others “see” what I see, but you have made me “feel” what your character is feeling ... and that's exquisite.

“A soft hand on his shoulder gave him pause. Arms encircling his waist from behind him caused him to startle slightly. A light kiss on the base of his neck let him believe. The three whispered words in his ear allowed him the grace to smile.” Eep! I think I just died of love. I'm listening to Bill Joel's “Opus 10. Air (Dublinesque)” and reading this Beautiful paragraph ... and I've died from the loveliness of it all. This ... is spectacular. Really marvelous.

Very successful venture, I think. I would love to read more of your work and, as you are a slash authoress, I believe I will be reviewing (hopefully) more often. Wonderful job once again.


Name: 4evayours (Signed) · Date: 10/09/07 6:43 · For: Cold's Embrace
yeah it came out BEAUTIFULLY!!! that is the most beautiful thing ive read in months!!! tears in the eyes man, tears in the eyes.
cheers to your work =)

Author's Response: Aww thank you! I'm so glad it was able to inspire such emotion! Eek! Now I'm so happy! Haha... thank you so much!

Name: Lee_chic (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 15:38 · For: Cold's Embrace
Love this fic. It's really good, and I love how it's written. It's really really good. XD Def. a favourite! The whole never saying anything just added strength to the overall story.

Author's Response: Thank you! I thought it would be harder than it really was, but I guess I just see Blaise as the silent type? Who knows. Haha... thanks so much for reading and reviewing! It really helps me to keep the motivation to write more stories.

Name: hocuspocus88 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/07 22:46 · For: Cold's Embrace
How was it? Excellent! The ending was really heart-warming. To think a person like Zabini could have such fears is truly amazing.

Author's Response: Aww thank you! I've always felt like there's more to Blaise emotionally and I just like slash. :-D Soo... story... haha. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it so much!

Name: SkivingSnackbox13 (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 23:39 · For: Cold's Embrace
The last paragraph and the last line, I can't even describe them. They made me want to cry [in a good way]. It was amazing!

Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much! I'm so glad that it was able to touch you emotionally.

Name: xdeathxeaterx (Signed) · Date: 08/28/07 10:33 · For: Cold's Embrace
that was really awesome. XD

Author's Response: Aww thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed reading it. Thanks so much for reviewing! It always makes my day.

Name: lgtfaw (Signed) · Date: 08/10/07 7:19 · For: Cold's Embrace
Well, I guess you have won your challenge.

Author's Response: Eek! Double post!

Name: lgtfaw (Signed) · Date: 08/10/07 7:19 · For: Cold's Embrace
Well, I guess you have won your challenge.

Author's Response: Haha thanks!

Name: morsmordre13 (Signed) · Date: 07/26/07 18:17 · For: Cold's Embrace
I loveloveloved this story! It was beautifully written and. The way you depicted Blaise was wonderful, and the last line was soo beautiful. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you thought it was good! I always worry over the quality of my stories. Hopefully they aren't too dissappointing.

Name: vyvrik (Signed) · Date: 07/24/07 10:33 · For: Cold's Embrace
yeah it certainly did come out ok, very touching too. nice one.

Author's Response: Thank you! It makes me so happy when people enjoy my work!

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