MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
07/28/07 20:40 · For:
awww.... i'd almost forgotten about this one! I beleive this is one of your most beautifully written pieces. The detailed description was incredible and i could picture everything very clearly in my mind. Good work Lindsey!!
Name: beauty and brains
Author's Response: *giggles* Aw, thanks, Kate. I'm really glad you like this, because it probably is my favourite one shot--- I'm really proud of it. *hugs* ~Lindsey :)
(Signed) · Date:
07/18/07 15:27 · For:
Lindsey, you did a fabulous job on your entry! This is quite dark, I loved it. The way you handled this particular Gauntlet was wonderful, it was a very enjoyable read. I like the way you made your reader about how their life is currently being handled, and if there is anything that should change. That is the message I recieved, anyway.
I really love the way I was able to paint a picture in my mind's eye with your description. This paragraph was spectacular: There were no birds, no flowers, no children frolicking with their puppies or playing hide and seek on their front lawns outside. If anything, the residents of nearly any Wizarding town in these dark times were afraid to go outside. Everything outside the window was lifeless, the trees gnarling up at the glass as if trying to choke him, dead, sunburnt grass growing in his own yard.
I do have a few tiny nitpicks, and hopefully you can correct them before the judging.
He ran as fast his shaking legs would carry him, the effects of the curse making his legs slow to carry him.
This sounds a bit awkward, considering you used 'carry him' twice in it. I would consider changing it to something along the lines of 'He ran as fast his shaking legs would carry him, the effects of the curse making his legs unsteady beneath him.' It just flows better.
Well, great job on your entry, it is very well written. I hope you do great! =]
Author's Response: Coming from a Placer in the last Gauntlet, wow! *hugs* I'm so glad you liked my story, Ashley! And I will fix that nitpick, thanks for telling me. ~Lindsey :)