???

Author's Response: Please refrain from double-posting. Thank you.

I know you say "Fin" with this story, but is it complete? What happened to her? I would like to read more.

Author's Response: (Double-post.)

Interesting take on both events at Hogwarts and on the Ginny/Harry relationship. Good job!

Your second paragraph—the sunset—is at once really good and a little bit odd. I like how you name the colours and show how the scene changes; on the other hand, I’ve never seen “outlines” of stars. (Of course, I live in a city where you can only see about ten stars at night.) But it’s a good start.

I’m a little confused as to why there are dementors at Hogwarts. I see, later, that you set this piece right before the invasion—which I like; showing us the battle from another perspective—but I don’t understand why Ginny doesn’t react very strongly to the dementors. When she sees them attacking Maria, she just stops and stares at them for a minute. Then when one of them grabs Maria to Kiss her, Ginny just “sighs in frustration”. I would have expected her to be screaming or something. To me, frustration doesn’t seem quite strong enough.

I like how the memory sort of takes Ginny over. Really strong memories can do that, and this one is extra-special for her. It’s a very sweet memory, too. I enjoy the details, such as the giant squid and the cherry tree.

One mechanical suggestion; the last paragraph of the memory isn’t all memory: …full of happy daydreams, occasionally sneaking glances and kisses. She had loved that peaceful afternoon.
The first part is from the memory; the second part is Ginny’s reaction. I would suggest splitting this paragraph and putting it with the rest, before the part about the lion cub. If you don’t want to group the reaction and the Patronus together, you could make them separate paragraphs.

It’s interesting, the way you use these situations to frame Ginny’s character and her relationship with Harry. It’s a very cool idea—you don’t dwell on the situations, because you’re focussing on Ginny herself. Because of this, I sort of understand why you don’t dig into the situations more (as in my earlier suggestion about the dementors). On the other hand, it’s tantalising to see those situations and not get into them. There’s a balance there, and I honestly don’t know where the line falls.

The ending is excellent. It’s really in keeping with the style of this story—although Death Eaters are attacking, Ginny’s mind is still with Harry, no matter where her body is.

Not at all bad for a first story! There’s a lot of interesting things and quite a bit of potential in your writing. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading my story so thoroughly! I agree with most of these comments, and when I get a chance, I'll have another look at it. Thanks, again!

You should be a H/G shipper because this was a great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm gradually becoming interested in H/G stories (I've read all J/L and H/Hr stories :o!!!). A story you ought to read, that got me interested in writing and reading H/G, was Red, Yellow and Orange by TheMadMuggle. It's a great story!

That was so cute i love the whole cub thing

Author's Response: Yeah. I tried to make it as descriptive as possible, considering I don't really write romance very well. I thought the cub would be perfect for her, personally better than the horse that's diplayed in the new OOTP film. Thanks for reviewing =).