I'm not sure I approve of the second person POV in general principle, but you definitely used the form as well as it can go. The surprise confession of what his mission was about was very good- i never guessed, i assumed it was killing dumbledore or something, like draco. I don't know why exactly. But it certainly explained the seemingly very OOC revelation of his deep feelings to her at the beginning, which i was wondering at. Excellent job!
aww, Iove it!
I think this is a very powerful fic. To begin, it captivated me.
You listen to her sing, and you want to sing with her, even though you don't know the words. Somehow, though, she doesn't either. It's clear that she's making it up on the spot. She looks up from her friend's hair and her eyes meet yours; or, at least, you think they do.
That was mesmerising. The image just materialised in my mind, and I could imagine perfectly the singing along to words she doesn’t know, and a sort of slow motion glance upwards to wear I see her eyes looking up at me. I could just see right into Blaise’s vision. It was incredible.
I think the darkness was handled very well, too. The story of Mrs Zabini preparing Blaise for murder was jolting, but believable and frighteningly realistic for the world of the Death Eaters. Continuing on further, the child that he had to torture was also drastically awful. I had a small case of scepticism when it came to him murdering the child. Questions rose to my mind: ‘Would he really be able to kill a small child?’ ‘Would Ginny really listen to that and do nothing more than ‘blanch’’? I try to persuade my own believability – what would I do in the situation? A clearly troubled young man tells me he’s been prepared for murder his entire life, and on his 17th birthday he tortured and killed a child? Would I run; or I would I go pale with fright but try to carry on and not look panicked or frightened?
I think with something like that, you need to recognise that while it makes sense in theory, you have to consider your readers’ response, and try to account for believability issues. You don’t want to go too far out of your way to buy their acceptance, but you do want to guide them into a place where they’ll be more likely to accept it.
I see a lot of elements that go well together and make sense: Blaise’s rather horrific upbringing and assignment, for instance, go hand in hand. But, they aren’t supported by the narration. You want these intense ideas to come off dark and horrible to the reader, but you don’t want them to seem like stunts for shock value. I think the problem with the narration is that the second person point of view doesn’t support the weight of the premise. For the first few paragraphs, it was done marvellously. It was poetic and done just right that I didn't even notice the PoV. But, while you do the PoV well, I don't think second person carries so well over a long word count. Or, perhaps, it’s just more difficult to pull off.
Throughout the fic, especially highlighted by the ending, we see that he’s not become a monster like Voldemort or Fenrir. But, he can’t be totally stable. He’s clearly gone through trauma. Been forced to do awful things. Has come terribly close to making a conscious decision to commit premeditated murder. I think the structure of his characterisation is fabulous, but I don’t think you delved enough into it. To believe all this, and to believe Ginny’s acceptance, I need a more intimate look; I need to see that pain, trauma and confusion. The second person PoV limits this, because you’re putting the reader, most likely a fairly normal individual, into his perspective. I think it either needs to be from Blaise’s PoV, either first person or third person limited, so we can experience more of his mental and emotional state, or we need to get an omniscient third-person PoV, so we can get an outside look at his state, as well as a more clear insight to Ginny’s responses to him.
All that aside, I do enjoy this story immensely. I rather guessed at his assignment, because of the tracks you laid; Ginny listening to his story about his ‘training’, is simply chilling foreshadowing. I also like the intensity of Blaise’s ‘willing to die for her’. Because, that makes so much sense. That his mind can go to that extreme. And we know he understands what this mean. He’s seen and done enough that they aren’t just words.
I also really love the forest setting. I love forests in general, and I like the contemplative nature of walking in the woods. And how the solitude is both good for their bonding but also frightening because of Blaise’s intentions. I also think that, though we don’t know too much about what’s going on with Ginny, she’s still very IC. She has that ability to give people a chance, make her own judgments. And she doesn’t just turn away and never look back. She doesn’t just give strangers a chance, she gives people who’ve made mistakes second chances. But ‘she asks you to repeat that truthfully’. She doesn’t do it easily. She gives you that chance, but then you’ve got to prove you deserve it, you’ve got to earn whatever she’s willing to give you. I would like to see more of this Ginny in fic; people are always just putting her down to being a talented witch with a habit of doing and saying what she thinks. Which is great, but I don’t think they’re her heart; this fic is her heart.
All in all, I think this is a fabulous fic, and I think that the insight to both Blaise and Ginny is wonderful, and the relationship is well established. I only wish that the narration had offered a little more to pull me in instead of always keeping me flitting across at the surface.
Your writing style is flowing and poetic; that's what stood out to me most in this fan fic. I also like the Blaise/Ginny ship, so it was interesting to read, as there isn't much of that out there. I found it rather abrupt how Ginny accepted Blaise after he told her he was meant to kill her, but it was a cool twist.
Wow. I've just recently become a Blaise/Ginny shipper. I love the pair, I think they'd be good together. I really liked this story. I was horrified he spoke of what his mother made him do.
I think you've approached this in an interesting way. It was very simple, yet you seemed to have managed to make their feelings run deep. I also thought you did a good job with second person, it can be difficult to master at times. All in all, I liked this very much. Do you write a lot of Blaise/Ginny? What do you like about the pair? Sorry, I've just become interested in the ship and haven't had to chance to talk to anyone about it. :D