I really like this story so far. I keep hoping you'll update it. Please do. :)
Hello, dear SPEW buddy! Here is my review at the last minute …
Wow. I hope I can find more words in a minute, but right now, all I can say is wow. This is so good! I'm not letting myself read the second chapter until I've reviewed, but I really, really want to. I love your characterisations of everyone, but Richard, Cecil, and Eliza are so great. The three of them remind me a little of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, just the way there are two guys and a girl, but their personalities are certainly different. Hee. I love the way Eliza totally doesn't care about being proper, that she's eager to compete in the Tournament, and that she wants to spend the winnings on opening her own robes shop, lol. She's awesome! And the way she and Cecil bicker – is that an indication of romance in the future? *grins* Cecil isn't like Ron, either – always making a fuss about propriety? Nope, that's not Ron.
But Richard is my favourite at this point, which I suppose is a good thing, considering he's the main character. And aw, he's a Hufflepuff, like Cedric. Hopefully he doesn't meet the same end. Well, he won't, since Voldemort isn't in existence yet, but yeah. Dying is bad. I haven't quite gotten a good feel for his personality in this first chapter. He's eager to be in the Tournament, and nervous about not being chosen. He's helpful and polite, and he cares about his large family. Hmm. If anything, Richard is more like Ron. He doesn't like to hear his friends bickering, which is a common trait of a Hufflepuff, I guess – wanting to keep the peace.
I like that he pays attention to what Headmistress Derwent has to say, even if he really only cares about the Tournament. On a side note, I was surprised to see that the Headmaster was a woman, especially after hearing that no girl has been Triwizard Champion or opened a shop in Diagon Alley, and then seeing that Eliza is the only girl chosen to go to Durmstrang. It's canon, I suppose, but it still seems a little off. I really like your description of the Headmistress, PS. Reminds me of McGonagall a little.
And oh, I didn't even think about how they were going to get to Hogwarts without a train! I love the idea of the carriages flying. That makes a lot of sense. Very creative.
And I love that they're going to Durmstrang! I can't wait to see how you describe that school. Yay.
Beth, you're so talented. You've created your own world here, and your attention to detail is wonderful. I don't really have any critique for you since this whole chapter is fabulous. *gigglesnort* I just saw this line – "Cecil also had a look of disbelief, his mouth open to reveal half-masticated turkey." I love it! *grins madly* I can't wait to read more, dear. Very, very good job.
I have a feeling that the Beaxbaton girl had a few tricks up her sleeve. I can't wait for another chapter!
I think this story will be very interesting!
I think this story will be very interesting!
I love this story! I don't usually like stories that don't have any characters from the books in them, but this is an exception. Richard, Cecil, and Eliza remind me of Harry, Ron and Hermione. I found it interesting that a fourth year Gryffindor was one of the Hogwarts selections, and Harry was a Hogwarts selection in his fourth year. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Did...did Richard faint? Can't say I blame him, really, if he did. And at least his family's financial security is that much closer to being assured.
Eliza’s Muggle father was a considerably wealthy wizard Um, I don't mean to nitpick, but that's somewhat impossible - you can't be a Muggle and a wizard at the same time.
Also, (more nitpicking - sorry!!) there were only four students chosen from each House - that equals 16, not 20.
Other than that, I love this!! I don't read many fics based before McGonagall was at school!
Author's Response: Actually, I had intended five students from each House and only now realized I named only four. So I've made the necessary corrections. Thank you =)
A few nitpicky points
1 Richard, I assume is 7th year. He should know the invisible horses are Thestrals doesn't he? Then again Ron didn't.
2 Eliza's Muggle father was a wealthy wizard. (?) I think you mean to say wealthy businessman.
3 The prize should be less. Galleons were worth more back then. (I know way too nitpicky)
4 What about Gryffindor's team?
I liked how they got to Hogwarts-the flying carriages. Good start to an interesting story.
Author's Response: Thank you for your corrections. Richard is a sixth year. For the purpose of the story, the prize stays the same, though you're right; it is worth more, which is why the prize money would sustain Richard's family for a long time. Gryffindor's team is not introduced as they were the last to be announced, and Richard understandably did not pay attention to the last table.