MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: pandafan81 (Signed) · Date: 04/28/08 1:19 · For: Chapter 1
Well Shanae dearest, here I am at (literally) the 11th hour trying to get myself in order and finish up reviews so precious Anna doesn't have to beat me...

I have to say I've enjoyed getting to know you immensely. It hasn't been that long, but it feels like you've always been here. And yet, it feels like ages since I talked to you. So here I am, congratulating you on being the honored author of the month and here to give my humble comments and thoughts on your lovely story.

At first I have to say that I was confused by this story, but quickly I cottoned on. I kind of like the idea that the owners of Honeydukes not only KNOW about the passage from their cellar to Hogwarts exists, but who uses it and when. Quite brilliant on your part!

I especially like this line:
She couldn’t see him as the same person. He couldn’t see him as the same person. Which gave him all the more motivation to do what he needed to do.

I think this is really where the story begins, the motivation to keep going and explore this untold scene into Sirius' life.

Fascinating, that this woman not only expects to find the escaped convict in her home, but practically welcomes him. Doesn't ask questions, gives the starving man food and hopes he returns. What motivates this? There is obviously something to their relationship that she trusts Sirius, when even one of his best friends, Remus, and Dumbledore himself believe him to have committed the crimes he was in prison for.

I like that you have Sirius talking to Crookshanks. Really shows that they are in communication, that Sirius has found an alli in his time of need. However this sentence is a bit jarring:
Crookshanks continued staring unblinkingly as he laid his head on his arms.
I don't really see cats as having "arms" I would say, "resting on his paws" or "front legs". Not a big deal, just a thought. Stuff like this usually isn't that big a deal, it's kind of like when people call the ground outside "floor" it's not technically wrong, but it sometimes makes the reader stop and reread to make sure they have all the details in order. When if the details line up with the circumstances, the story flows more. And now I've talked a lot about nothing, so I move on...

Sleeping in the shack was much more comfortable when you had to turn around three times before you lay down.
Heee! Brilliant!

Awww, I like that something as simple as the trick step was a prank pulled off by Harry's father and godfather. It certainly seems as though they've literally left their mark on the school. And what once was a prank, now is commonplace, even automatic to most of the student body. Poor Neville.

I love how you characterized Sirius here at the end. I think maybe he's been alone too long, because even in canon, we see that he tries to communicate with people, but doesn't give them enough information, enough background so that he'll make sense. Instead, he gets impatient, angry and frustrated. Lashing out. We see this same behavior in the Shrieking shack with Harry. He's impulsive and speaks without explaining himself. Very nicely done.

And I like how you brought the story full circle, starting at the sweet shop, and heading straight back there.

So really, my only criticism is that the Flumes trust Sirius without hesitation. What has he done to make them believe that he is good, and not summon the Dementors at the first sight of him. Just some kind of background would be good. I like the idea, but I want some kind of explanation.

And there we have it, my weak and vague version of concrit. I really did enjoy this story. Missing moments are always so fascinating, especially ones that support canon (not just an excuse to add in an extra snogging scene-- not that those are entirely bad either...). I think this story was well thought out, well rounded and clever. Excellent work my dear and I look forward to perusing your other stories!


Name: lucilla_pauie (Signed) · Date: 04/22/08 6:36 · For: Chapter 1

He had already broken in unnoticed to the cellar. Why not go ahead and use the passage then? Since when was permission needed? I thought 'you three and Dumbledore' were the only ones who knew of Sirius's Animagus state. What's with the 'old habits die hard' part? Maybe Hilda used to give them food in their Marauder days Hogsmeade romps? Still, didn't they all romp on four legs then to keep Remus in check?

I never thought of that, that the proprietors knew of and even checked the cellar passage. I even thought the passage was secret to all except its discoverers and originator which might well be a certain gifted wizard fond of sweets, hehe. ^_^

I also thought... what with the evidence of Peter's finger and the wreckage of that unfortunate Muggle Street, that the Flumes would have sounded the alarm at the mere sight of Sirius-- in his human form, too, not Animagus, because it was a secret, right?

I've always imagined those days as dark and silent for Sirius. It's refreshing, if not altogether convincing (forgive me, dear Shanae) to see he also had some friends, too, who talked. Which brings me to compliment your nice doggie detail, Sleeping in the shack was much more comfortable when you had to turn around three times before you lay down. and the very IC banter with Crookshanks. I love this cat, and you have him spot-on. Mee-ow.

Back to the subject of friends: through the actions of the Flumes and the Fat Lady, even though I think there are plausibility issues, you did succeed in highlighting how the Marauders' tragedy caused a ripple that didn't begin and end in Harry's becoming an orphan, but in loss of fath and betrayal. There are parallels beneath the surface and between the lines.


Name: h_vic (Signed) · Date: 02/20/08 5:50 · For: Chapter 1
This is story does perfectly what missing scenes ought to do - it fits seamlessly with canon and yet adds something new and fresh.

It's so nice to see that there's someone who still trusts Sirius enough not to turn him in, even if she can't help him. It makes him seem just a little less alone.

The trick steps are a lovely touch. I'd always just assumed that they were some part of the fabric of the place and had been there since time immemorial, but it makes sense that someone had to put them there, and who better than the Marauders? So like Dumbledore too to let a few remain because they amused him.

I found myself wanting to shake Sirius at the end and make him stay calm. If only he'd been rational and explained to the Fat Lady rather than letting himself sound like everything she expected, perhaps she might have trusted him and things could have been so different...

All in all, I really enjoyed both the characterisation and the little details in this story.


Name: Trucker (Signed) · Date: 07/09/07 22:14 · For: Chapter 1
Good story, but you need to work on capitalization, such as with the Whomping Willow and the Fat Lady.

Name: ByMerlinsBeard (Signed) · Date: 07/08/07 13:06 · For: Chapter 1
I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when I saw "Roommate of the Quillster" on the left-hand menu, under "Most Recent."

This was a very clever, completely canon-based fic! I loved the Flumes, Crookshanks and, of course, the trick stairs. I don't think there are many wizards who would think of trying to talk pieces of Hogwars into doing things, but I absolutely believe that the Marauders would have been some of the students would would think of it.

The only thing I would have liked to see a little differently is the Fat Lady's response to seeing her favorite student in Hogwarts again. We know she recognized him because she's able to tell everyone who shredded her portrait. I think it would have been interesting to see more of her emotions at seeing her favorite student, who supposedly turned out to be a mass murderer.

I'd love to see more missing scenes with Sirius (or Lupin) in book 3. Maybe a series of one-shots of Sirius's finest moments not covered by canon? :-) Great job, Shanae!

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