Wow, this is a really good story! I really like all the imaginitive similies and metaphors and all the other stuff they teach in english classes. They were very poetic and added loads to the story. The plot too, is great. I can't believe you only had 2 (now 3) reviews for this story! It deserves many more. Nice one :-)
I think your metaphors and figurative language really added color to your story. However there was some instances when you could have shown a little more and not told. You described the character's actions well, but perhaps you should elaborate on elements like the scenery and the pysical sensations the characters were feeling. I hope I don't sound like one of those snobby litterary critics. My appologies if I am.
I liked it. it was very good. you really captured the grief someone goes through when they lose someone they really love.