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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: red haired mom (Signed) · Date: 09/16/08 8:55 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
Oh, this was well done! I really liked Hermione’s angst at having to rip the page out of the book. And Penelope’s reaction to her and the ripped page.

It all makes sense and you even used some of the boys’ dialogue for the girls. Of course, with the two girls being a bit smarter, or faster, than the boys, they came to the right conclusions faster.

I really liked your missing moment and how you portrayed it. Excellent!

Name: coolh5000 (Signed) · Date: 08/08/08 13:22 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
This is a great little missing moment. It's one of those moments you don't think about until you read a fic like this and then you realise that actually there should be a reason that the two ended up together.

I loved this part:
‘That’s what I used to think,’ said Hermione. ‘And then a great big owl delivered a letter to my house, saying I was a witch. And since then, things just can’t seem to leave me alone.’

I thought it was quite a funny line - the tone was just right and so appropriate.

I also liked the part:

That way, if the Basilisk is there, we’ll at least only be Petrified, not killed.’

‘That’s a comforting thought,’ Penelope said dryly.

I'm a sucker for a bit of sarcasm!

I agree with some of the reviews which say it was a bit rushed, I would have liked to have seen more of a build up of thoughts, her research and the interaction with Penny. They seemed to understand everything instantly but could have done with taking a bit more time to reach their conclusions.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a cute little fic and i'm off to find some more of your writing.

Name: Trivia Camlee (Signed) · Date: 04/24/08 9:52 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
Wow, great job! I had never really thought about how Hermione and Penelope ended up being petrified, but your version has now filled in that hole. My favorite line was That way, if the Basilisk is there, we’ll at least only be Petrified, not killed.’

‘That’s a comforting thought,’ Penelope said dryly.

Great job; it was a cool story to read.

Name: xohplovr94xo (Signed) · Date: 03/27/08 15:39 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
cool story.

Name: electronicquillster (Signed) · Date: 02/24/08 21:35 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
Well, it has been quite a while since I read this story. At least six months. I'm mentioning this in the review because it will be interesting to read something that I read once long ago as well as something that you wrote quite a while ago and see what the differences in my perception are.

It's hard for me, such a romantic, to read genfic sometimes, but I do like it, and this is a great missing moment, something that certainly hasn't been written a million times over, and so it's a fresh story to read, even when the reader has read it before.

I can't help but think that, when Hermione leaves the boys for the library, that the story would be pretty enthralling if we had gotten to see her thought process as she had this grand pipe epiphany. In the first paragraph, you had the small, almost insignificant phrase of 'small wonder' in reference to Harry and Ron discussion Quidditch, and that was a very subtle, yet grabbing moment for the reader. It gives Hermione a spark of personality, and urges the reader to continue to find out what else Hermione is thinking. So then when the reader gets to the fourth and fifth paragraph, it feels a little bare because there isn't any illumination into Hermione's mind. But you bring it back in the sixth paragraph when she's 'searching for the book she knew was there'. It's just little phrases like that which I feel could draw in the reader more.

But oh snap.

I absolutely adore your introduction of Penelope in this story! I had completely forgotten, but it's so perfect, and so exactly the kind of person Hermione needs to encounter in that moment - someone so very like her. I'm so amused by it. I think that the dynamic and similarities between Penelope and Hermione are what make this story so interesting. Well, you know, aside from the fact that no one else has written this situation.

The only other thing I would say is that this story does feel rather rushed, and you could've articulated more the thoughts Hermione was having and given more of a natural flow to the situation that developed between Hermione and Penelope. There's a lot that they talk about, but it's all very rapid. It can be difficult to handle conversations, but I've seen you do it rather well in other stories sometimes, so I know you can do it. I think sometimes you're just eager to finish the story already. -wink- Not that there's anything REALLY wrong with this story. It is a very solid story, these are just the things I think could've made it better, and things that I think you might keep in mind next time you write Penelope. I mean next time you write, because I'm totally not hinting at the fact that I would be keenly interested in seeing you write some Percy/Penelope as she is here. No, why would I say that? I'm just leaving you a review. -shifty eyes-

Name: peevesismyhero (Signed) · Date: 11/08/07 18:45 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
hmm..good story, though i didn't like it as much as some of your other fics. the only thing is (i may be wrong) but isn't penelope muggleborn? so wouldn't she know about airports? i dont know maybe im wrong and i just sound like a babbling idiot. overall, though, great fic!

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 10/28/07 16:46 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
*shakes head* Silly people leaving such wonderful reviews for ALL of Abi’s stories! But I tried to pick a story that had gotten, by comparison, little attention. So, *rubs hands together*, here we go!

Mm, yes, I love me a missing moment fic. The very fact that an author has chosen to write one proves to me that they have a genuine interest in canon and are willing to spend some time and effort on researching the books and referring to them. (You know, not like me who only does so when it suits me and then bluntly ignore JKR’s work the rest of the time…) So, what I’m trying to say is that you get a shiny, golden star from me simply because you chose to write this type of fic. Yay for you. :)

I also believe that writing a missing moment fic puts the author in a particularly JKR-ish mood and that it’s easier to be true to her style and her characters when you’re consciously trying to fit your story into hers. Perhaps it’s because of this, perhaps not, but in either case I think you’ve done a splendid job of writing something that could well be by Jo herself.

I’m going to discuss Hermione for a bit, because while Penelope is very well written and I have no complaints there, she’s not very prominent in canon and thus I can be more picky about Hermione. ;) In fact, I had never realised what an untypical thing it must have been for Hermione to tear a page out of a book! Well spotted! Overall, you have written her perfectly – exactly how I want to read her. You’ve got the essential details plus a few you’ve added yourself; I loved the note on her facial expression when knowing she was right.

You’ve got Hermione’s brains right, and her faith in people like prefects and professors. She’s still very young in CoS, and I although Hermione was always very clever and advanced for her age, I think you’ve captured her youth very well. At the moment I can’t recall whether the book said that it wasn’t Hermione’s mirror, but if it didn’t then I’m glad that you let it be Penelope’s – I don’t think that 13-year-old Hermione would be carrying a mirror in her pocket/bag.

This is probably my favourite line from the entire fic:

‘That’s what I used to think,’ said Hermione. ‘And then a great big owl delivered a letter to my house, saying I was a witch. And since then, things just can’t seem to leave me alone.’

The tone is very Hermione, but also with a wonderfully familiar dash of Harry-ness (“You know me – I like a quiet life.” and “Trouble usually finds me.”). However, I might suggest a change to the last sentence. “Things” sound a bit too general, there. I realise that you’re referring to Penelope’s “those kinds of things” in the previous line of dialogue, but maybe it would be clearer if you wrote, “And since then, those kinds of things just won’t stop happening.”

The only other issues I had with the story also concerned dialogue. If you look at the following bit:

‘You’re probably right,’ Hermione agreed. ‘But oh no …’

See the last part? “But oh no …”? I just can’t picture someone saying that in my head. It’s not impossible, but I think it would be more like, “But… Oh no!” Or maybe, “But… Oh no…” Does that make sense?

And this was something I thought was a bit out of character for Hermione:

‘We’ll use it to look around corners and things,’ explained Hermione. ‘That way, if the Basilisk is there, we’ll at least only be Petrified, not killed.’

It’s evil old “things” again. ;) When you place it in her dialogue like that, it sounds like she’s blabbering, and while we have seen a blabbering!Hermione in canon (in Borgin and Burke’s, for one), I don’t think it’s very typical for her. If you meant it as a specific “things”, it might sound better with, “We’ll use it to look around corners and statues and other things.”

After analysing it a bit more, I get a feeling that this isn’t one of your fics that you’ve spent the most time on. Your style is as lovely as ever and your language is tidy yet expressive, but I wouldn’t have minded seeing some more description concerning emotions and setting. That said, I can’t find a particular place in the story to just squeeze something in – it’s a well-rounded and lovely little piece with a dramatic ending. Good job, dear!

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 08/21/07 22:26 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
Wow, it never really occurred to me that there was a story behind how Hermione and Penelope were found Petrified.

You really fit this story snugly into canon. Every minute detail was covered, including the scribble of "pipes" and the mirrors.

The way you characterised Penelope was fantasic. She's very prefect-y but at the same time, she has to believe the logic Hermione offers. That might be the one big difference between Penelope and Percy: Penelope is willing to take advice from those younger and "less experienced."

The one thing about this story that I could think of improving on would be its pace. I think it might have gone too fast because there was more focus on dialogue more than anything else. For example, it would've been good to give us some insight as to what Hermione thought about having a monstrous snake (hee almost typed "Snape") roaming about the corridors. Was she afraid for herself? For other students? Being Muggle-born, how did she come to accept this? I can't check my books to be sure, but I'm sure Hermione hasn't realised that Harry is a Parseltongue before this part of the book. Does she realise it now? If not, how would Hermione explain Harry hearing the snake in the walls but no one else?

Otherwise, I loved it. I can see Hermione and Penelope in the library afraid to really go anywhere. Just from your descriptions, I can envision their reaction as they realise what's going on. Alas, book two might have been quicker if Hermione wasn't caught by the basilisk.

*hugs SPEW buddy*

Name: HermioneDancr (Signed) · Date: 07/25/07 0:51 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
Hi Abi! Sorry for being such a dilatory spew buddy, but I suppose DH rather distracted me from reviewing. I love missing moments, and I love Hermione, so it’s rather awesome that you wrote this story. I’m glad you took the dialogue from the books but then wrote the scene from another character’s perspective. I always think it’s really cool when people manage to do that without it sounding odd. And it sounds perfectly natural, so you should be proud.

There was one sentence in particular that could have been better written. In the first paragraph, you have: But as riveting as Quidditch was, Hermione wasn’t paying any attention. I think that this meant to be sarcastic, given that it’s Hermione and Quidditch that you’re talking about. However, using the word ‘But’ makes the intended sarcasm less clear. I think ‘Yet’ might be more effective, and you might think about putting ‘riveting’ into italics. You might consider rewording the entire sentence to get rid of the ‘was’ at the end of the clause.

I like the way you characterize Penelope. She doesn’t sound quite like Percy, but she’s both concerned with the rules and slightly pompous, so we can really see how they might go together. I sort of question a sixth year using the term ‘fraidy-cat,’ especially one whose British, a Ravenclaw prefect, and was raised in the wizarding world, but otherwise I thought her dialogue was quite believable.

My favorite part was the bit of humor at the end, when Hermione responds to Penelope’s assertion that “Those kinds of things never happen to me.” It’s a brilliant retort (very Hermione), and it made me chortle out loud. I really enjoyed reading this; I can’t say how happy I am that you wrote it. *hugs*

Name: Everlasting (Signed) · Date: 07/13/07 21:43 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses
ooh, this was reaaaally really good! You're such an awesome writer, and this made perfect sense. I love the style of your writing; great job and very original and creative =]

Name: mock_turtle (Signed) · Date: 07/08/07 15:38 · For: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses

Author's Response: Thanks!

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