Oh wow, that’s certainly a pairing I never ever would have thought about on my own. I myself like to believe that Narcissa and Lucius do actually love each other and are happy in their own way, but that’s mostly because I love Narcissa and seeing her beaten and mistreated makes me sad. That being said I can totally see him lose it when he finds out that Narcissa cheats on him. Even if he loves her, and you mention once at least that he does, he would certainly not be ok with sharing her. The ‘if I can’t have her, no one will’-attitude fits him as I see him as a very possessive person.
Peter is very nicely characterised. Among the Death Eaters he isn’t respected, as shown in Spinner’s End, so he would be thankful for Narcissa so much as talking to him and paying attention to him, even if she only talks about herself, he would probably still be honoured that she lets him listen. I liked how he just blurted out that he loves her and she just continued talking while Peter was clearly horrified. But during her conversation with Peter, Narcissa seemed a bit off to me. I would have expected her to be more aloof and not talking about Lucius so freely, but maybe that’s just me.
The things Narcissa said to Lucius when he first found out about her affair puzzled me, why would she tell him she didn’t want him to know? That would be the obvious thing to do when having an affair, right? Anyway, later on when she refused to leave Peter’s side and instead chose to die with him over living without him, I really admired her. She’s strong again in that scene, something she wasn’t before and this inner strength makes her a beautiful person, even if she doesn’t really sacrifice herself for her lover but simply decides that life without him but with Lucius isn’t worth living. In the end she and Peter beat Lucius, in a way, because while he has his revenge, he has lost his wife that he only just realised he loved after all.
But before he let go of her, he threw her into the ground, and she hit her knees and elbows hard on the floor. I think this should be ‘onto’, because she would be lieing on the floor and not in the floor afterwards.
Lucius had become so insanely jealous of Pettigrew’s pass on his wife (someone that he hadn’t cared about until he had unknowingly shared her) that he now was seeking revenge. Since he wasn’t going to bring the other Death Eaters into this act, he felt as if he were doing Peter a favour in being merciful, sparing him the harshest of agonies. The part in brackets makes this sentence slightly awkward, maybe you could make a whole sentence out of it? Something along the lines of: ‘He had never before cared for her until he found out that he had unknowingly shared her with someone else, but now his desired for her to be his alone wouldn’t let him rest until Pettigrew had paid.’ Also I don’t exactly understand the second sentence. What would the Death Eaters have done to Peter that is so much more agonising than what Lucius did?
He whispered into her ear, “I lie.” He obviously made this deal with Narcissa before they left for the hiding place, so shouldn’t it be ‘I lied’?
A truly unique pairing and while I can’t see it working out in canon this way, it certainly works in this story. I like how dark the story is and how you chose very dark imagery to go along with it. My favourite image is the last one: Lucius’s poison running through Peter and Narcissa like blood, that made me shudder.
Author's Response: Oh, wow, thanks so much for this lovely review, Ilka! *hugs and hugs and hugs* And thanks so much for pointing out all of these things--- I'll have to go back and fix those in a bit. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you did and did not like and read this story. I appreciate it! ~Lindsey :)
*whimpers* Lucius! How could you!
This was a very well-written story, very brutal and great. However, I just can't see Lucius ever doing those things to his wife. He and Narcissa may not exactly love each other, but I've always thought they had at least a fairly respecting and caring relationship. But, for purposes of the story it worked, so excellent job. :)
Author's Response: Aw, I'm sorry you didn't like it that much! I've just always seen the Malfoys as kind of a brutal family, so that's kind of what I tried to incorporate. Thanks! ~Lindsey :)
Amazing, just amazing.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! *hugs* ~Lindsey :)
that was interesting. I had to stop and re-read things a couple times just to keep up lol. good job.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Shane. I hadn't had a review yet and I was getting a bit worried. Unusual pairing for Lindsey isn't it? Thanks. *hugs* ~Lindsey :)