Very well done. I quite enjoyed reading it. The thought and effort that you put in it was very clear- as was the simple beauty of it.
It was very good and I loved it. I enjoyed it so much, in fact, that I wrote my own poem, Just wanted you to Know.
Well, amazing peom. Keep it up.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you found it to be such an enjoyable read that you wrote your own. That's excellent. Thanks again!
Nice job! The first stanza does a wonderful job of setting a dark scene. I think the refrain is great and some of the imagery is fantastic, ie: "Blood flowed freely, painted all skin." Creepy!
The only thing that jumped out at me was the word "mirth" in the third stanza: it didn't seem to fit the overall feeling of darkness and sadness of the poem. The next line talks about "joy hidden" so maybe there is a way to tweak the line with "mirth" to continue the sense of loss and sorrow you've set up since the beginning. If you wanted to really knock the reader over the head with sadness, you could try:
"Their sorrow growing deep within,
As memories keep joy hidden."
That's quite sad, though, and perhaps you want that bit of hope with the word "pride," which I could definitely see. In which case, you could just find another word for "mirth" or add a different idea to the line to keep the rhythm. But those are just one reader's suggestions, and it's just one line! :) Overall, I thought you did a great job with your rhyme and rhythm and the general feeling of this poem - good luck in the challenge!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the long and very well-thought-out review! I'm glad you thought it was dark, since it was meant to be so. The last stanza was suppposed to be lighter, which is why I included mirth, because if Voldemort really was gone, the wizarding world would be very happy, as we saw at the beginning of PS/SS. So you were right, I put pride and mirth in there to show that even after the dark times, there would still be hope and hapiness to come. Although I admit that the end is still quite sad, so maybe mirth may look out of place. Thanks again for the constructive criticism! ^_~
Whoa - great job! *gapes* This is an amazing rondeau. I love all the word choice, which is why I find this one part extremely well done:
Our world and nightmares parallel-
A life taken by every spell.
I especially love the first line in that. It's just...I love the imagery. *Great* job!
My only nitpick would be this one line:
'Tis where our greatest heroes fell.
I really don't believe the ''tis' is necessary - I (personally) think it would be better if it was just 'is' - it's easier to read and it still makes sense. Or you could even use 'it's' - it works too, and I still find it easier and better flowing.
But otherwise, stupendous job. This is an awesome rondeau. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: I believe I considered changing that one line, hmmm... Ah well, thanks for the review!
I really liked this one, it was very powerful and deep. Mu favorite part has to be the entire poem!!! It was just amazingly written. Another wonderful jobs, as always!
Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review! ^^