MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
04/07/08 18:26 · For:
Amelia Bones...that was unexpected! This was a good read. Poor Snape, though.
Name: miss padfoot
Good job on this one!
Author's Response: Thank you!
(Signed) · Date:
08/26/07 2:32 · For:
Hey there, Elle! I stumbled upon this story in the SPEW Category Patrolling thread and couldn’t resist passing over it. XD
Name: Cinderella Angelina
I believe this is the first story by you that I’ve read, and I’m impressed. The rarepair that you used here was interesting; I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Severus/Amelia story before. Reading the summary, I thought it was actually Severus/Lily, but it was a pleasant surprise when the pairing turned out to be Severus/Amelia.We don’t know Amelia’s age for sure, but I kind of thought of her as older than Severus, judging by her grey hair. But, seeing as she’s described as a “middle-aged” women by Muggles, I guess she’s in the same age group as Severus is. And I’m curious to know: how old did you imagine her to be when you wrote the fic?
That apart, I liked the characterisation of Severus here. You’ve shown us a side of him that is caring – one that we don’t see quite often in canon. It’s clear that he loves Amelia, but I’m itching to know what exactly happened to their relationship.
Amelia, too, was very well portrayed. You showed her bravery in refusing to flee for her life, and her concern for Severus’ well-being, which made for a nicely balanced, three-dimensional portrayal of Amelia Bones. =] I especially liked her concern for her niece – definitely an Amelia thing to do. Hee.
Oh, and the ending was perfect – poor Severus, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him. *sighs*
Overall, thanks for the nice read! This will make for a great chaptered fic; but a one-shot is just as good. ;)
Author's Response: *hugs* Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. It was written for a class I took last term. I love to play around with rare-pairs.
As for Amelia's age, I agree that she is older than Severus, probably a fair amount older. But when they were thrown together in the Order, age would make little difference. Think about Remus and Tonks.
Anyway, thanks so much for the lovely review.
(Signed) · Date:
08/14/07 11:45 · For:
I have never seen an Amelia/Severus pairing before! I really like the idea of Severus coming to Amelia, worried about her because he knows Lord Voldemort is after her, and I thought her reaction – that it would be suicide for him to even try something like that – was very good and rational, as we’ve always had Amelia’s character suggested to us.
It would have been really nice to see more of the story. We get just a few hints of the relationship between the two of them, but the story is mostly focused on Severus’ worry that she won’t ake it through the war and everything will be left hanging. I’d have liked to see more explained about why they got together in the first place, why Severus and Amelia seem to even like each other at all, that sort of thing.
My favorite part of the story was at the beginning when Amelia was sipping her drink and pondering on the sad state of things at the Ministry – you did a great job on the insider’s view at the beginnning of book 6 (or end of book 5, depending). They didn’t have a clue how to go about stopping Voldemort, and sadly, neither did she. I liked the whole bit about Susan, too, because she’s one of my favorite characters and it was vindicating to me to have her described as a warrior. (And Susan liking Harry has always had a soft spot in me too.)
I found it interesting that they haven’t seen each other for years and they start right in on conversation. If it were me, I would’ve felt a little more awkwardness at seeing an old lover that was coming to protect me. I think this is, again, not knowing enough of the story for me to really understand why they’re reacting the way they do toward each other.
The last scene was done quite well. You got the interaction between Wormtail and Snape just how it would probably go – especially when Wormtail is too afraid to tell Severus about Amelia being dead. The old coward.
Just a couple nitpicks then I’m done. When Severus comes in behind her, we see Amelia “sitting” her drink down; it should be “setting.” And at the end, Severus growls and pulls the rat-like man toward him; you used the pronoun “it” instead of “him” here. That might have been on purpose because it made it clear how little Severus thought of him, but it is a little confusing – I might suggest changing it even if it was intended.
Congratulations on making me feel a little sorry for Severus in this story – you made it clear how much he cared for Amelia, and then ... she died. It was very poignant and just a little more description, detail, and backstory would have made this story great. Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: :D I doubt there are too many Severus/Amelia stories kicking around. I tend to be a bit original with my pairings.
And I have also become rather fond of Susan. I do see her as someone who would be willing to fight, although she was no mentioned in Book Seven that I can recall.
And I totally agree that this story could use some fleshing out. It was actually written for a class and then got rushed. I suppose I really should try to add something to it. Maybe a second chapter where Severus' relives their relationship. I will think about doing that, someday.
Anyway, thanks so much for the review. And thank you for pointing out the errors. The it was intentional, but if it is confusing, I will consider changing it.
(Signed) · Date:
07/05/07 20:24 · For:
Aww, that was so sweet. Poor Snape, wait what the devil am I saying? Poor Snape? Oh you've done it again, making me feel sorry for people I never thought I could possibly feel sorry for. Another great job. You're probably tired of hearing that, but I have touble thinking of new ways to review, and still get the point acrossThis line was my favorite line:“And what, may I ask, are we to be celebrating?” he asked, still staring at the fire.
Author's Response: *huggles Sevy* You've never felt sorry for him before? Wow! Anyway, glad I could commute you.
Thanks for another wonderful review. :D
(Signed) · Date:
07/04/07 19:47 · For:
wow. first review? why? this story deserves some reviews! anyway, i liked this one-shot pretty well. i like the idea of it, i guess i should say--it was a bit to short and abrupt for my liking. it seems like you introduced amelia, gave us the setting, and then enter snape, they argue a bit, and she dies. i think you could flesh it out just a bit.
as to characterization, i think you did well on some parts and not-so-well on other parts. for example, with snape, i really like what you did at the very end. "snape," squeaked the annoying voice of wormtail. one of the inescapable marauders." i like it because it shows snape's annoyance and the inescapable marauders part is great--that's a great way to describe the marauders for snape. also, when snape realizes that peter doesn't want to tell him something, and he jumps up and snarls "what happened?" that shows a key part in snape's character; his temper. this part, however, i;m not so sure about: “I don’t care what happens to me,” he snapped. “I care what happens to you. That night may have been meaningless to you, but it wasn’t to me. I have watched you for years. I have always wanted that night to be a reality and then you finally gave me what I wanted. You know me, Amelia. You know how hard it is for me to admit to something like that.” i agree that it is necessary for him to admit this, or there would be no story, but don't just tell us that it's hard for him to admit it; show us. how does he act, how does he say this, etc. the same goes for amelia. when she says She did know how hard it was for him. Therefore, she decided that she owed him the truth. “That night wasn’t meaningless to me,” she told him, taking his hand. “You’re not meaningless to me. I care what happens to you. i think that's a little too...two dimensional. you don't make her uncomfortable as sshe says it, though it would seem that if she really had used the excuse of alcohol for the only reason she liked snape, then it's a little hard to believe that she would just admit her love to him then and there, without any discomfort. similarily, i would think that snape would be happy that she really did like him for who he was, yet any joyful feelings we don't see him express. so a little more detail and characterization there would be wonderful.
something i really like about this story is some of the little details you put in that make it so much better. for example, i really like how you refer to harry's trial; it gives us an idea of amelia's character. also how you acknowledge amelia's closeness to susan in mentioning that they talk, and that amelia is nervous about her. here are some other good things that caught my eye:
Sipping her drink, she tried to think of a rational way to approach the situation. She knew the Ministry was working everyone to exhaustion; but in the end, they weren’t really doing anything. They were only trying to appease the public. They didn’t have a clue how to go about stopping Voldemort, and sadly, neither did she. i like this because it really does capture the spirit of the ministry!
He was in no mood to celebrate some pointless feat. He wanted to be left alone with his misery. Working on both sides of the war was becoming tiring and in that moment, he simply wanted to be left alone. this is so very snape-ish that it's simply delectable! great job there.
He saw her at Order meetings, but she acted as though their conversation had never taken place. Stubbornly, she continued to behave as though nothing was amiss and he could not stop her. that is good because it really shows very well amelia's stubborn nature.
my last comment is this: i love the ending. it is so abrupt, i really like how you don't explain snape's feelings or anything--you leave us room to wonder, and it's really just a good ending place. almost as if with the end of amelia's life, the end of the story, comes the end of snape's even minute happiness.
good job on this! it could use some work, but overall, very enjoyable. 8/10 ^__^
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. You made some good points and gave me something to think about. So thank you. I'm also glad that you enjoyed the fic overall. :D