Aw. I really like the idea of Percy being an informant for the Order - so Dumbledore, using him for that. And it was great how you really showed why Percy did belong in Gryffindor, and "his type of courage". Plus, the coming home was very sweet, I'm glad he got the chance to make things better with most of them at least. Lovely! And good luck on the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it. I don't usually write things that are this sweet, so I'm glad I pulled it off.
The changes you've made from the original really polish it up. First of all, it flows very well; you've done a great job going back and forth between the action and Percy's thoughts and memories in a way that isn't ever abrupt, and still gives us plenty of information, all of which relates to what's going on in the story.
I love what you've done with Percy, making him an informant for Dumbledore. I think I might just be disappointed now if this doesn't turn out to be one of the surprises of Book Seven! You did a great job with his character, allowing us glimpses into both his thoughts and actions that really flesh him out and make him a far more sympathetic character than JKR has done (so far!)
I also still love the bit with the elephant. =)
I think the way you've tweaked the end works really well: Percy doesn't do as much explaining, but it all comes together perfectly for his family to accept him back. Adding the bit about Ron and Ginny at the end keeps it real: not everyone forgives and forgets so easily, but they will come around, like you said.
This was a wonderful story, very well planned and well written. Good luck in the challenge!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you got to see the finished version. I'm glad you liked the changes I made, and also thank you very much for the luck! You were very helpful with this story.
Vorona, your story is marvelous! I have always though that Percy was working for the Order, undercover on Dumbledore's instructions, and your fic nailed what I have been pondering.
The pain Percy experienced because he couldn't tell his family the truth, was incredibly real. I could feel his torn emotions and how he struggled between what he had to do to help the cause, and his family.
Terrific characterization. You captured my interest from the beginning and could not pull myself away until the end.
Kudos, to you Vorona, for an exceptional job.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comments! I'm so glad you found the characterization "terrific", and I'm also happy that you couldn't stop reading! Thanks again, Vorona
I really enjoyed your story Vorona! I am trying to read all the entries for the contest and, so far, I think this is one of the best. I really liked the idea for Percyís Patronus as well the premise for the story (that the whole Percy to the Ministry thing is because he has gone to be a spy). Iím canít really think of any constructive things to say. So, Iíll just close by stating that this is a great story and I think it will be in the hunt to win the contest. Well done!
Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed the story! I haven't read any of the others yet, because I don't want to compare right now. Also, there's still a lot of time before the contest ends (I know it says June, but it goes until the middle of July). I will admit that of all the Weasleys, I like Percy the most, and although Ron was expecting it, I don't think Ron really understands Percy. His change in attitude towards Dumbledore seems suspicious - he really liked and admired him in the first book, and he doesn't seem the sort to change his mind based on popular opinion. Thanks again for the great review!
aw... what a great story. I burst out laughing about the elephant/Fred thing- you wrote it really well. And Percy was well characterized, which is difficult... but you did a good job! One little grammer thing- when Percy shouts "expecto Patronum" and the elephant comes out, you forgot the second quotation mark at the end. Great story, and good luck!
Author's Response: Ah, thanks! I'll fix that. I'm glad you laughed about the elephant and Fred, and I'm also really glad you thought Percy was well characterized. I don't know him nearly as well as Snape.
I enjoyed this story.
Author's Response: Thanks!