Okay, well, I’ll start by saying I immediately jumped to your thread. I love Bill. I love scarred! Bill, I love gettingmarried! Bill and I have to say, I love your Bill. I don’t know what it is, actually. Maybe it’s because I know you’re writing Bill, and therefore my mind is just in Bill mode, or because your writing is so descriptive that it is actually Bill.
See, if we examine that theory, we understand that: You can read a character, knowing full well who it’s supposed to be, but they can be OOC. Thus, Ilka’s! Bill is definitely Bill.
That sorted (: D), onto the review! (The sane part, anyway. But what did you expect from me?)
I loved the scenery, but would have liked to have been in touch with more of the senses. We know that Bill’s worried that it’s not by chance that there’s not enough dark magic, but we don’t’ really get much more than his thoughts. I’d really love perhaps some breathing, some physical senses, or perhaps some scents. I don’t think you have to be a dog to smell things, and I think a death eater hide out would have a certain smell to it.
Even if it’s not of magic mushrooms –cough-. But yes, the sound senses are beautiful –
It creaked unbearably loud in the stillness of the night, making Bill wince.
- But I’d still love to see a variety of them.
“ I’ve come to get you out of here. I’ll open the door now.” Extra space, oopsie!
You know, when you started talking about the rippling fear, I did get some physical response, but I do think a few choice examples would really connect with the reader a little bit more. -_- I just had to re-write part of my review, because I didn’t read it properly. I skipped a line. SO, I think your idea of Greyback being the thing that haunted Bill (as opposed to Lily’s screams) is great. I’ve always thought of Bill as this really cool guy, a treasure hunter who may get nervous sometimes, and loves his Mum, but this is a vulnerable side. I don’t know, I’ve always thought of Bill being like
you’re going DOWN, yo?“I’m going to get Greyback for what he did” but I think it’s actually more human for him to fear Greyback. And because Greyback symbolises fear to Harry in the book, the way he responds to him, it’s almost as if in your story, Greyback IS fear, and Bill fears fear itself.
-Is in awe of Ilka-
“I love you, too. Plus que n'importe quoi. More than anything.” You know, I don’t know French, but was reading a book that had a French translation in it this morning (they’re not all that difficult to figure out; just rearrange a few letters ;)) And either the English translation of French was in italics, or the original French was in italics. So, if you’re a French-English speaker, you’re reading it “I love you, too. More than anything. More than anything.” – So I’d suggest maybe italicising one language. :). Great idea, though. I love the idea of Bill knowing French.
For a fragment, I found this rather ingenious. I haven’t read the rest of them, so I’m guessing (hoping?) they’re related some how. I loved the irony of Bill rescuing Ollivander, now that we know Ollivander had a sleep over at Bill’s :D. And I liked the way you didn’t specify the locations of anything – it left them open to interpretation. If I wasn’t sitting on my feet I’d stand up and clap! And now I need to actually sign into my account so I don’t accidentally leave you a review as my sister. Oops.
Author's Response: Steph, you crack me up every time. *huggles* I <3 your review! well yes, if you speak both French and English you read the same sentence twice, that's because I wanted to have him say something in French, but since I can't speak French myself (at least not well enough o know what that meant) I had to get someone to translate it for me and thoguht that all the poor people out there who don't speak French either would like to know what the hell Bill is saying. But putting the translations in italics sounds like a great idea! You know, you read way more into the Greyback thing than I thought when writing it >.<
While this story was about Bill's rescue of Mr. Ollivander, it was the tiny little memory of Bill's wedding night that really caught my attention. That little detail was what truly made this story special.
Of course, the beginning of of the story hinted that there might be something else included simply through the mention of Bill's 'inherent' magic. What could be more inherent or powerful than using the power of love? It has been made clear in the books that love is a most powerful weapon against the Dark Lord and his forces. In this story, you use that idea to perfection with Bill's conjuring up the love filled image from his wedding night to ward off the dementors.
This story was a pleasure to read, and with only two typos that I noticed, it was an easy read as well. The emotion in Bill's memory was very touching and added a bit of heart to an otherwise action-packed story. Nicely done. :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Karin. The flashback actually didn't come from my desire to include the power of love, it just worked out that way and before you put it so eloquently, I didn't think much about how this ties in with the power of love that we have heard so much of in canon. *hugs Karin*
*grins* As a huge Bill fan, I jumped on this story when I saw it in the SPEW updates thread. The world needs more Bill stories. There have been more since the sixth book, but the majority seem to be Bill/Fleur. Not that there’s anything wrong with Bill/Fleur, but I love seeing him in action. You did a great job of keeping the story action oriented (and seriously, who doesn’t swoon over action!Bill) while still connecting it to the romance.
To start with the nitpicks, a few grammar/diction things:
A strong breeze ruffled the trees flanking the path as clouds drifted lazily in front of the moon… I originally read this as: “the path as clouds” – as in, ‘the cloudlike path.’ You might add a comma after path, for clarity’s sake. The two dementors that had steadily drawn closer, stopped in their tracks, floating some inches above the street. There shouldn’t be a comma after closer. He reached deep within himself and unleashed his inherent, wild magic. I think ‘innate’ would be a better word than ‘inherent’, both here and the other time you use it. I’m pretty sure ‘inherent’ isn’t grammatically correct in this context – I won’t swear to it, because I can’t tell you why, but it rings funny to me. A beautiful white horse, its mane the colour of Fleur’s hair, burst force from his wand, stronger than he had ever seen it. Simple typo here: ‘force’ should be ‘forth’.
As I already said, I love the way you portray Bill here. He’s so confident in action; he knows what he is doing and how to do it. It’s not a story about doubts, or about fear – it’s a story of someone who puts his life on the line for the Order, does his job, and returns whole. Amid so many depressing post-HBP stories, this is a refreshing read. A lot of authors writing Bill focus on the trauma of his injury, which neither he nor Fleur seem too upset by in canon. Instead, you focus on his abilities, and your one-line reference to his injury is merely that – a reference; it reminds us of what happened to him, but he nevertheless remains the cool, confident Bill of earlier canon.
To quibble a bit, I have to admit that I’m a bit skeptical of Bill’s wild powers, especially as skills picked up as a curse breaker. I think if such skills were so easily come by, there’d be a lot more Egyptian cursebreakers, hoping for extra abilities. While I wouldn’t rule these skills entirely out – I think there could be a very cool story as to their acquisition, with lots of tomb-entering and riddle-deciphering and interesting curses – I think in order to make them plausible there needs to be a bit more explanation (or back-story) than you gave. A different alternative, requiring less explanation, would be to make them an effect of his wolfishness. As far as I can remember, it’s pretty clear canon that no one really knows what the effects of being mauled by an untransformed but wild werewolf are, and it wouldn’t be a far stretch at all to have him endowed with certain wild powers – after all, the ability you describe seems to be the ability of sensing magic in an almost animalistic way.
Now, of course, I’ve set myself on a track thinking of Bill in Egypt, and how much we need more cursebreaking!Bill stories. Which, of course, this is (speaking of which, I like that you included a line about how breaking modern curses is different from breaking ancient curses – interesting food for thought, that is!), so thanks for the great glimpse of Bill, and the fun read!
Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review, Nan. I fixed those typos and hope I caught all the times I put the word inherent, but I'm not sure. The curse-breaker abilities are something that I used in a previous Bill one-shot, one about him breaking into a tomb in Egypt, so I just kept them as part of his character that I had developed back then. If it was still an option, I would link both stories together in a series, as this one takes things for granted that are shown and explained more in the other. Maybe I should add a note about this in my profile. I totally agree, there need to be more Bill stories, especially Bill in Egypt. *hugs*
what a sweet story! It's so easy to mess Fleur up as a character, but you did her very nicely. Bill's emotions were also excellent, and I liked the Patronus. It was quite a short story, though- I would have liked if you had gone more into it in places, such as why Ollivander was captured or a little description of the Dementors. I loved the ending, though- very powerful. Good luck!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I basically just took one of the theories put forth in HBP about why Ollivander is gone, that he was captured by Voldemort and the Death Eaters and used it because it was convenient. I didn't really think about why he was captured, I'm afraid.
You had some wonderful description in the opening paragraphs of your story, LadyAlesha. That’s probably what good me hooked in. I could see myself standing right on the same path as Bill, observing as he worked. I also found the idea of Bill’s wild magic fascinating. It just thought it was cool (I’m simple … sorry). You did a nice job explaining how he learned to use this power as a curse breaker. I also thought the memory you selected would work very well for the Patronus charm. I’ll bet a lot of married wizards and witches would use their wedding night as a potent, happy memory when casting that spell. I enjoyed it. Good work, and good luck in the challenge.
Author's Response: Thank you. I especially wanted to show that he doesn't choose a memory like his wedding or sleeping with his wife for the charm, but simply being together and enyjoying each others company. I hoped to show that there is a lot of love in their relationship, because that's something that isn't shown in canon, because in HBP no one seems to really like the idea of Bill and Fleur together until the end and the dynamic of their relationship is never really shown.
i love it. very nice. interesting to see things from bill's point of view!!! cant wait for the next chapter!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked it, but I have to disappoint you, this is a one-shot, there won't be a next chapter.