That's really sweet.
Author's Response: Thank you!
First, absolutely perfect intro! I loved that you brought us in during the heat of the argument. It was an excellent attention grabber, and you used it well.
My favorite part, possibly of the whole story, is Rodolphus being amused. I like that Bella/Rodolphus can have a ‘normal’ relationship and not be serious all the time. Your Rodolphus wasn’t angry/bitter/intense through the whole story—or any part of the story. He was laughing at Bella while she was angry with him. It was such a real life situation.
Bella watched as her sister left the room. She hated it when Narcissa was mad at her. Her baby sister really was the closest thing she had ever had to a friend.
I liked that you show the sibling relationships between Narcissa/Bellatrix as well as Rodolphus/Rabastian. That added a nice angle to the story. It helped us understand how you understand the characters better.
Speaking of the characters, I like how you understand Bella. There was nothing more to be gained that day. That is the most perfect one line description of Bella I’ve ever read in a story.
However, shen you brought Narcissa and Rabastian together at the end, I thought it was slightly predictable. You did a good job of changing it — they didn't exactly talk to each other's siblings or tell their siblings something, they just decided to do something.
But maybe the conflict could have been resolved differently? I think the conflict resolution would have been much more effective without this scene. At the end of the scene, you're essentially telling your readers exactly what's coming next. You set up the moment so when we see Bella again we think, “Cue apology moment,” rather than slightly surprising us with Rodolphus' romantic side.
Other than that, I really liked the interpretation. And I particularly enjoyed the humorous Rodolphus!
Author's Response: *smiles* It was fun writing the lighter side of Rodolphus. Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
I first came upon this story because I watched Howard's End today, with the actress who played Bellatrix in HP. Then I remembered you'd written seven Bellatrix fics, so I thought I should investigate and see what you had! I liked your drabbles - the relationship you've developed already between Bellatrix and her husband-to-be seems very in character, but definitely deeper than what we get to see in canon.
Now, to the story. The beginning is very attention-capturing, and in a very unusual way. (I say that a lot, but I'm positive this time. Unique. I promise.) A poem/lyric and a dramatic declaration of hate?! Daring, let me tell you.
The way you helped cool Bellatrix's reactions by Rodolphus's more easygoing temperament is interesting. However, it was much softer than the mirror... Lines like this were evidence, almost, of how good they are for each other, even though Bellatrix seems to be frustrated by their relationship sometimes. I still like that you've made her frustration part of who she is.
She ignored everything her mother said, and it was probably for the best. That's a nice little added fact, too. Bellatrix does seem like the sort who wouldn't want to agree with anyone, especially people trying to tell her how to live.
Gracious, and she's unrelenting during her conversation with her sister. Another good little snippet of Bella.
“You really don’t understand women, do you big brother?” You need a comma after 'do you' and before 'big brother'.
“Well, I have a fiancé...." Fiancée has two 'e's when it's referring to a woman. Kind of like blonde/blond.
I'd like to compliment you on your crafty semicolon at the beginning of the dress-robes part. Yay.
Standing inside the shop, chatting with his brother was Rodolphus Lestrange. You need a comma after 'brother' to separate that middle clause.
you are to present a good image to the world I like this little taste of Black/pureblood belief. It seems odd that she would refer to the whole world, though. Maybe 'to society' or 'to the Wizarding World' even?
Poor Bella and her temper. That little introspective part is very nice - Bellatrix doesn't want people to know what she's feeling, especially since her more intense reactions seem to be obvious anyway.
Narcissa/Rabastan is very precious, even if it was only a moment and only a brief, formally pureblood encounter. It was a brilliant addition on your part.
A loud knock at the door caused Bella to look away from the book she had been pretending to read. This sentence is in passive voice, which is fine sometimes but doesn't accurately capture the mood of this particular thought. Maybe you could say 'Bella looked up from the book she was pretending to read when a loud knock sounded on the door' or 'A loud knock sounded on the door, and Bella glanced up...' or you could even add another crafty semicolon. That's just to avoid awkwardness, really.
It was nine a.m. in the morning You only need one: a.m. or morning. I'd recommend morning. ('It was nine in the morning')
It's precious that she can't help but smile when she sees him. It's evidence of a younger and more innocent Bella, almost.
I did really like this story. It was sweet and light while still giving us a taste of Bellatrix's dark, temperamental side. You're so talented! Wonderful job on this.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the story and thank you for pointing out some errors. *hugs*
awww i love it! *snaps*
Author's Response: Thank you!
“I hate you,” she screamed, throwing her jewel encrusted mirror at his head.
Ohh, this is promising, lol.
“Now, look what you’ve done, Bella. You’ve broken a mirror. You’re going to have seven years of bad luck.”
“I’m going to have a lifetime of bad luck, if I’m foolish enough to marry you,” she shot back.
*grins*I love this fic already. Two smartasses: one of them enraged, the other amused.
“If he saw you that way, he wouldn’t have asked you to take Rabastan to the party, he would have ordered you.
Because Rodolphus would be stupid enough to try and order sweet Bella around?
“You tried to hand your girlfriend over to your brother and you didn’t think she would get mad?”
So Rabastan is the smartest of the Lestrange brothers, interesting... I like it.
“You really don’t understand women, do you big brother?”
“Well, I have a fiancé and you can’t even get a date to your graduation party,” Rodolphus muttered. “Are you sure that you should be making that comment?”
Heheh, nice. Fiance is supposed to have an extra "e" at the end though when you're talking about a girl, by the way.
“Bellatrix Black, a Black woman does not hold a grudge against her fiancé,” her mother snarled.
I really like how you slip in the old fashioned, Victorian views into the Black family values. It ties in perfectly with how traditional and arrogant they are.
She would keep her forgiveness to herself–at least, until he apologized.
*nods approvingly*Definitely very Bella. Her arrogance probably isn't all that pleasant to Rodolphus, but it's definitely fun to read.
“I already told Rodolphus to apologize to Bella,” Rabastan told her, as he motioned for her to take a seat in living room.
I really like how Rabastan and Narcissa are kind of working behind-the-scenes to get Bella and Rodolphus back together. Very creative. I wonder how many Rabastan/Narcissa fics there are out there...
Forcing herself to her feet, she went to answer the door herself, like a common peasant.
Gosh, you have to love Bella sometimes... this little thought is perfectly in character.
“I’ll always forgive you,” she promised. “Even if it does take a week.”
Awww... so romantic:). I love this fic! I needed to remind myself just a bit of how Bella was before ADSoW, and this definitely did the trick.
Author's Response: Haha! Glad you enjoyed this little gem. It's about as close as I get to humor and I had a lot of fun with it. Thanks for the review.
I like this. It is very different from a lot of your earlier stuff. It's nice to see a sweet Rodolphus for a change.
I love the opening scene. Bella was perfect. She does have a temper, and it makes sense that she would throw stuff at him. I probably would too if I were her. Rodolphus is so tactless and clueless. He only want Bella to happy. You can tell he doesn't understand women; who asks their finace to go to a party with their brother? He is very sweet, though - typical confused teenage boy.
I like how Cissy and Rabastan work together to get their brother and sister to stop fighting. I love how in the end, they go to Rabastan's graduation party together. It was a nice little subplot, and it added a nice touch to the story.
I like the ending scene for the most part. I thought that Rodolphus's apology was a bit too forced; it didn't seem natural. Apart from that, it was pretty good.
I really liked this. I can't wait to read more of your Bella/Rodolphus.
Author's Response: *smiles* Yes, this is something different for me. I don't usually write light stuff, but this came to me when I was given the prompt "Seven" for SPEW 007.
I tried to make Bella and Rodolphus seem like a typical couple, with typical, stupid problems. They're always shown as being so dark, but they really are just human.
I'm glad you liked my Cissy/Rabastan pairing. I kinda like the idea of the two of them. I have no idea why.
As for Rodolphus, I didn't mean for his apology to sound forced, but now that I think about it. How much would a pureblood snob really want to apologize? However, I will try to give that part another read through.
Anyway, thank you so much for the lovely review. :D
i love it....:).....i love bella and Rodolphus 2 gether and u made it fab...itz great ..keep up the good work hun.......(first reviewer!!)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.