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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Luna_Lovegood11 (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 15:23 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
I think I like Jordan least out of all of them, and I absolutely LUV ted!!!!!!!!!! He is awesome, and the outcome of the best ship EVER! I LUV THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MORE QUICKLY!

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I will submit "The Truth" in about a week! I like Ted AND Jordan, but in different ways... I have to admit that Ted is ridiculously adorable, though.

Name: harrypotterfangirl21 (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 15:08 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
I liked the article at the beginning – nice way to summarise what happened in the last chapter.

Jordan… smiled? 0_0 Wow… maybe he’s not so emo after all.

“Right, but Jordan’s an Occlumens,” Harry answered calmly, now stuffing a belt buckle that he never wore (it was shaped like a hippogriff and had been given to him as a gift) into his trunk.

Nice belt buckle. *smirk*

No one who spends that much time on a Muggle invention like a computer would ever be an Overseer.”

Wait… so Jordan goes on the computer? Do we find out how that works? ‘Cause electronics don’t work at Hogwarts, remember. And what’s he doing on there, anyway? (You know, I shouldn’t even bother asking, you’re probably going to make me wait until Book 3 to find out. It can’t hurt, though, right?)

Haley can see Thestrals. That might come in handy later, am I right? ;)

Whoa. Ivy and Jordan are a lot alike when it comes down to it – they both have guilt, they both have secrets… and Jordan almost told us what happened in the Final Battle, but you cut him off!


[/excessive punctuation]

I LURVED the Albus Dumbledore Award – he really deserves an award in his name. And the fact that it was last ‘Potter’s Eight’ and it’s now ‘Potter’s Five’ getting the awards is a great tie-in.

I dunno if this was done on purpose, but in Jordan’s speech he really reminds me of Harry, with the whole “We just did what anyone else would have done” and the “My friends are great” bits. But the part where he apologised and called himself a ‘git’ and put the whole thing into perspective was awesome.

“With its spinny chair?” Haley asked eagerly.

“Yes, with its spinny chair,” Harry clarified. “Especially that.”

Heh. I LURVE spinny chairs! In fact, I'm on one right now! WHEEEEEE!!!!!! xD

My jaw quite literally DROPPED when I read the part about the Triwizard Tournament. I can’t wait to see what you come up with for tasks – and who’s picked! (My money’s on either Jordan or Haley. Probably Jordan.)

Heh: ‘Hoo’s On First.’ Incidentally, have you read a novel called “The Westing Game,” because in it is a Chinese restaurant called ‘Hoo’s On First.’

And as for my favourite OC of yours: Haley. Just because I’m almost exactly like her (hyper, insane when under the influence of sugar, good at thinking up plans, slightly odd fashion sense…)

My least favourite would have to be Tyrone – it kills me to say this, but to be brutally honest, he seems a bit Stu-ish to me. He’s handsome, his mother just died, he’s popular… Even though Emma keeps rejecting him, he just seems too perfect for me. I’m sorry.

Overall, Schmergo, GREAT chapter! I’ll be sure to stick around for the next two books! :)

- Katie

Author's Response: KATIEEE! YAAAY!

Actually Jordan's love of computers is very important in book 2, as you will shortly see. I believe that, like his guitar, he has managed to adapt it to run off of magical energy instead of electricity. This is probably illegal, but he's a man desperate.

I made Jordan a bit like Harry in that speech on purpose... they are very alike and very unalike in different ways. AND I LOVE SPINNY CHAIRS, TOO! AND I'M ON ONE AS WEELLLL!

You shall seeee who's in the Tournament!

And... ZOMG, you've read THE WESTING GAME? That's like one of my favourite books! It has a fabulous, fabulous plot.

I see what you mean about Tyrone... he's quite two-dimensional in this one. Luckily, he's more developed as the trilogy continues, but I did kind of *want* him to be a Stu in this one. I could have done him a lot better, though.

Name: SingingBird (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 15:04 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
Great ending! :D
I liked Ted best. He just seemed so cool. :)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! Ted is cool... I wish I knew him in real life.

Name: Oppungo (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 14:52 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
OMG, HOW COOL IS THAT, JUST AS I WAS FINISHED REVIEWING THE LAST TWO CHAPTERS, THE NEXT ONE GOT ACCEPTED!! That pretty much rocks solid! About as much as the finale itself!

Yet again, great opening! Nice choice to start with the immediate newspaper article instead of insert it half-way through - it was definitely a good way to get all the facts without extensive conversation, so that the rest of the chapter could focus on the aftermath and save the reader from losing interest (not that they would! But just in case! =p ).

I really liked all the little details in this chapter, such as Tyrone putting the photo on a T-shirt and the spinny-chairs. I'm glad that Haley went to see her dad, as it would have been a little unbelievable if they were all completely blaze and unaffected by the happenings of the night before - especially Haley with the Killing Curse. I think one of my favourite things of this chapter was Harry's answer to her, about how big a deal the Unforgivable Curses are, and what a terrible effect it has on people, thus why they're unforgivable. I actually think that this is a point that wasn't stressed enough in the actual books, so I was thrilled to see how you handled it here, very big well done!

I also liked how everyone kept getting cut off as they were about to give details of various battles/big information - we've got the rest of the trilogy to hear about that!

I thought Ivy was very wise in this chapter as well, the advice she gave to Jordan was very sound. I also liked how we got to see yet still so much more of Jordan's character in this chapter, with the little details like how he used to mutter and how he hates people shutting books on him!

My nitpicks for the chapter: "Hippogriff" again should be capitalised, and where Harry said he has a "great family" you didn't leave a space in between. Also, you said in chapter 8 that Jordan was 10 years old when he looked in Harry's Pensieve, and in this chapter you say that he was 8 years old.

As I'm sure you'll have guessed, I adored all the Emma/Tyroneness in this chapter! *squees* I can't wait to see what happens between them in the next book! Also, I really loved how Emma said "Not yet" - it was so perfect! And it made me laugh so much how like Ron Emma was, with "Emma stared at her friend, totally at a loss for words. Instead, she muttered nonsense under her breath, words like ‘totally wrong’ and ‘doesn’t know what she’s talking about’." That reminded me of Ron in fourth year SO much! Especially as Ivy was right!

That whole little segment there really made me grin - especially the last line! A nice little fun piece that kept so nicely in time with their age, and was just very cute - and left us hanging on for the next book!

The ceremony was very nice too, and it was great that Jordan got a chance to clear things up and make a speech - all of his own, as himself, not as Harry's son.

I thought you did a good job at the end, tidying things up for the next book - such as what Harry would be doing, Remus coming back to teach, etc. And the Triwizard Tournament - but only one representative from each school - who's it going to be?! I can't possibly wait to find out - just whisper it to me now!

And I can totally see why Emma was embarrassed - now that Ron's going to have to take her baby pictures down from the office, he'll have to find somewhere else to put them - let's just hope it isn't anywhere near Tyrone!

Aw, what a lovely ending to a wonderful story - you should be very proud, Schmergo! Now: my favourite character, as you know very well, is Emma - closely followed by Tyrone. My least favourite character I have to say is Ivy. I'm sorry! But she is. She just hasn't jumped out at me like some of the other characters have. Anyway, looking forward to the next book, FANTASTIC job on this one! *huggles* Well done!

Author's Response: Hehehe, review magic!

The only thing I did not like in DH was Harry's use of unforgiveable curses, because as you can see, the idea of unforgiveable curses made a big impact on me! There's a lot more on that theme in the third installment of the trilogy.

It says eight years old? OH DEAR. It's very important that he's ten... maybe Jordan just forgot how old he was... I have to change that NOW.

Emma is a lot like Ron, I think-- I see so many future-generation stories (including DH's epilogue) where Ron and Hermione's daughter is a mini-Hermione, but I like Ron more, so I put a lot of him into my character!

Hahaha, can't tell you who's in the tournament... you'll have to seee...the idea of Tyrone getting the pictures made me laugh, though. He'd be like, "You were so cute! AND NOW YOU'RE EVEN BETTER LOOKING!" Or something. The baby pictures do crop up later, though. (Ron doesn't put pictures of Emma after age five on the walls because he doesn't want any Auror trainees to make suggestive comments about his daughter.)

I'm so glad you liked this story, especially since I love your writing! I'd have to say that of the main characters, the one I like the least is probably Ivy as well, though I do like her. And I'm glad you like Tyrone, because he has an increasingly larger role in each installment of the trilogy!

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 14:34 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
I loved it! Very good ending! I love that song, by the way. Can't wait for the sequel!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I had to incorporate that song somehow, didn't I? ^_^

Name: viva_lee (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 14:34 · For: Chapter 10: In Which Our Heroes Are Called Just That
My favorite character ws Ivy. She was so, like, mysterious. I love the relatiionship she had with Ted. My other favorite character was Haley because she reminds me of me a bit, with all the random singing and stuff.

I liked Jordan, but i thought he was too moody. I think Ron's kids will more likely be all moody cuz that is how he was at school

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! ^_^ Emma is, in her way, moody, though in a more temperamental way while Jordan is more sulky. And I think I'm kinda like Haley, too-- while typing this review, my brother's playing "Into the Fire" from the Scarlet Pimpernel on piano and I'm singing along!

Name: Oppungo (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 14:03 · For: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss
Again another lovely opening paragraph! I have to say, it's a great strength to have, strong starts, as it really entices the reader to carry on for the rest of the chapter if the beginning especially is good.

I liked how Jordan felt about him and Haley growing apart - it must be hard being a twin when they're so different - I really liked how Jordan incorporated his feelings towards his father in his negative feelings to Haley by thinking of her as "Daughter of Potter" - and not himself as Son.

I liked Malfoy's sneering attitude and I thought how he spoke was well in character. However, I can't see Malfoy offering Jordan a head start, "If you like things fair," - to be honest, I don't think Malfoy would care. He's a Slytherin - he doesn't care about fairness, he cares about winning. He hasn't been known to fight fair before, quite the contrary, and I can't see it as a quality he'd pick up over his bitter years. Especially not with Harry's son. However, I really liked this line, "“Why should I listen to you?” Malfoy asked, sounding rather amused at the absurdity of such an idea." in which it was the description that followed the speech that I think made it so well done and in character.

Nitpick here: I'm not entirely sure on the capitalisation of 'dark' in "At last, the Dark wizard looked away." You didn't capitalise dark when Malfoy spoke, saying he was surprised Harry's son would turn to the dark side, so I don't think you should capitalise it anywhere else, unless in a title. As although Malfoy is a dark wizard, as dark isn't the name of his group, it isn't a title, so it shouldn't be capitalised. Like, if Malfoy's followers were called the Dark Ones instead of the Overseers then dark could be capitalised - but they're not, so it shouldn't be. Do you get that? Sorry, it wasn't explained too articulately. Basically, you only capitalise names, such as Harry or New York, you don't capitalise descriptions like dark, light and shallow, so that should follow even if used in a different context.

Also, whilst on the point of 'dark', I'm not sure Malfoy would describe himself as the dark side, as he believes what he's doing is right. Dark is a negative term, and not the best way to gather support and followers, so Malfoy would probably use terms such as the right side, or the winning side, or even the righteous side or something of the sort instead of dark.

All of the description in this chapter was brilliant, really helping the reader get into the scene and giving an incredible atmosphere. Well done! I also really liked the dialogue between Malfoy and Emma - it made me smile, how proud the girls are of their parents, and Malfoy's line of "badly" made me giggle in spite of myself!

And - gosh. I was left pretty dumb-struck after the interaction of Haley and Jordan. I thought that was excellently done, especially Haley turning around the "loyalty before family" line. Although I can't believe Haley did it, could actually have cast the spell against her own brother. The rest of the dialogue between them was good, and needed to be said - although perhaps not over a fight to the death!

I also liked the parallel again of the weakness being not understanding people - far more meaningful than just not being as skilled. I also liked Jordan's explanation - I find that totally believable, as Jordan's always been keen to prove himself as a Gryffindor (and I totally do the same thing, imagine what I'd do in unlikely situations!).

I also did like how the kids all fought for their friends, and didn't run for help - true Gryffindors, to the end (although let's be glad it didn't get to that!). I liked the calm ending of this chapter, such a total contrast to the rest of it, but it really let us know that the tough times are over now. Until next year!

A great close - looking forward to the next chapter, as always, and soon the next part of the trilogy! Great job =)

Author's Response: I have a brother and sister who are twins, and while they're quite different, they're nothing like Haley and Jordan... still, they give me a lot of ideas!

I saw Malfoy talking about liking things fair in a mocking way-- saying that 'playing things fair' gets Jordan a more painful death. He was saying he can have a quick death right then or try to escape and have a long painful death after he's (invariably) caught. I thought that was showcasing his scorn for Gryffindor values.

I had Draco describing himself as Dark (with horrible punctuation!) because he's a wannabe! He really wants to be a Voldemort, but he's really, really not, even though a lot of people think he is. That's why I made Blaise Zabini say that bit about how he thinks the Overseers are stupid for calling themselves the Dark Side instead of trying to convince people that what they're saying is sound.

Thanks very much for another beautiful review!

Name: Oppungo (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 13:18 · For: Chapter 8: In Which Havoc Is Wreaked
*stabs* I'm going to kill the stupid review box - it stole half of my review! *stabitty stabs some more* *lesigh* Sorry, this won't be as good as my original review that the bloody box stole was, but I'll try to remember as much as possible.

I loved the "your mum" joke! I really did think that was hilarious! Also I really, really liked Jordan's impression of Voldemort: "after all, nobody really took Voldemort seriously anymore. He was in the past, a defeated Dark Lord, just a name touched upon in History of Magic. Like Grindelwald or one of the many leaders of goblin rebellions." I liked this excerpt because it was true to the era, and a point many people tend to forget - that if you hadn't been through it, it wouldn't make as much of an impact as it did for the trio and co - so of course the next generation would think like that - but it isn't a point that's much brought up, and that's a shame. I also really liked how you compared it to Grindelwald, as it really helps the reader to grasp the point.

I adored the prank the girls' plated on Zambini, especially your wording of it I thought was terrific, especially the end "...and a potato?" You gave us enough information, but also gave the reader's imagination room too, a nice combination. And when you thought the joke was over, it wasn't! It was excellent!

I thought the Hogwarts Camera prank on Jordan was really mean though. He's shy and obviously didn't want his secrets shown to the entire school - especially not when he was in his underwear! I hope he gets his own back on the girls next April Fools. And to top it all off, his best friend's fallen head of heels in love with his sister, and so isn't living up to his title, leaving poor Jordan all alone to his emo thoughts! Bless him.

I really liked your description of eyes in this chapter! Emma's were my favourite: "ablaze with vindictive pleasure." - and of course I hearted Tyrone's little quip there too! I also liked how it ended with description of Jordan's eyes, and on a rather ominous tone - spooky!

Again, sorry about this review being split in two (and mucking up the italics on the rest of your reviews *offers stabbing equipment* ) and this re-done part not being as up to par - but now it's on to the next chapter!

Author's Response: These are mean review boxes! They discourage pretty SPEW reviews!

The potato joke thing appears in all three books of the trilogy, and we STILL never find out what it is! Heck, I don't even know what it is! My mind just isn't dirty enough!

I think the Jordan prank was mean, too. But still oh-so amusing! Though in its way, I think the prank was a good idea, because it gives the school a different image of who up until then they thought was a boring, straight-laced nerd.

Author's Response: These are mean review boxes! They discourage pretty SPEW reviews! The potato joke thing appears in all three books of the trilogy, and we STILL never find out what it is! Heck, I don\'t even know what it is! My mind just isn\'t dirty enough! I think the Jordan prank was mean, too. But still oh-so amusing! Though in its way, I think the prank was a good idea, because it gives the school a different image of who up until then they thought was a boring, straight-laced nerd.

Name: Oppungo (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 12:27 · For: Chapter 8: In Which Havoc Is Wreaked
First of all, I'm so sorry about how long it's taken me to review - I actually thought I'd already reviewed this chapter, but when I checked, I found that I hadn't! So I'm doing it now, along with my (again, late!) review for the next chapter.

I absolutely love the opening of this chapter - how it just leaps straight into it, literally with a bang! I also like the fact that it was a short paragraph as well - just two sentences, as that really brought attention to it nicely. *giggles* I also liked the little line about the Aurors hadn't even needed to go to the scene of the crime!

It's interesting how everyone has reverted to their fear, and aren't able to call Draco by his name, which is a nice way of showing how bad it's got. However, I can't make up my mind on whether I think this would happen or not. But I did adore the dialogue that followed, so it's all good!

I really liked this little insight into Jordan, it was really interesting. I can absolutely see one of Harry's children being like this - especially as Jordan's seen all of the truth. What I thought was excellent here was your vocabulary as Jordan - it really helped us get a good sense of the character, such as "ubiquitous" and "malevolent".

I also liked the little memory to the Sorting, as it is an important event, so it follows that Jordan would remember it. I found it pretty ironic how the Sorting Hat said "but I suppose it's not my place to put you in a house..." as that is the Sorting Hat's job! I personally would have put "it's not even my place" or something of the sort in, I think.

I thought the little paragraph where Haley put on her "newscaster voice" was very cute - I especially loved how she ate the sugar quill at the end. It's those little details which I really love. Apart from, of course, any Emma/Tyroneness - that just pwns all! As does the phrase "high Hippogriff" (although note that 'Hippogriff' should be capitalised - at least according to the Brit version of the books, not too sure of the American - but a little heads up there)!

I found it incredibly sad when Jordan felt that he "didn't really need people anymore". I think that's one of the saddest things in the world. I did like how Jordan has little obsessions though - how he focuses all his interest and efforts into one random thing now and then - that seems very like him.

"'Emma' now, was it?" Hell yeah baby!
What's Occam's Razor? Is that an American thing? I don't think I've ever heard of it!
*dies laughing* I loved

Author's Response: Oh, I always love your reviews! You know, when I'm beta-ing, I ALWAYS nitpick about capitalization, but when it's me, I don't even notice! I think everyone knows someone like Jordan.. I like to try to work in little details and habits of people I know, and the best part is, people always want to know where I got the idea, including the people I used! Harharhar.

Occam's Razor is the philosophy that all things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the right one. Too complex an idea is usually not right, and alternately, very complex explanations are usually lies.

Author's Response:

Name: GryfvenslythPUFF (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 10:47 · For: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss
Woah. I loved it! So...I don't know. You know? I can't explain it. But still, yeah, I loved it. Get chappie 10 validated soon!

Author's Response: *Giggles* Oh, I'm glad you liked it. And I'm glad you said 'Woah.' That was the reaction I was looking for. I hope Chapter 10 gets validated soon! If I'm correct, it should be validated tomorrow or the next day if the mods are nice.

Name: GryfvenslythPUFF (Signed) · Date: 09/26/07 19:59 · For: Chapter 7: In Which Hogwarts Gets Its Groove On
That was so sweet!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks!

Name: GryfvenslythPUFF (Signed) · Date: 09/26/07 19:33 · For: Chapter 6: In Which Ted Has Quite A Bad Hair Day
OMG. That ending is just...insanely creepy. Totally. I can't even get over how INSANEly creepy that is. I love this story! It's so interesting, but still has that Schmergo humour in it. I love the thought of Ivy and Ted! You should write a fiction entirely about them!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad I managed to work humour and creepiness into the same story. As for a story entirely about Ivy and Ted... I have actually written a couple of Potters' Pentagon one-shots, which I might release in between "books" in the trilogy. Myessss. Trying not to give away too much...

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/26/07 14:13 · For: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss
aaww! I can't get into the next chapter! I guess I'll just have to wait. Maybe Haley would do a sing-along with me? :D

Author's Response: Haley: *sings to the tune of "Happy Birthday"

This thing just won't update
It's annoyingly late!
Chapter ten, please! Chapter ten, please!
Kind mods, please validate!

I know it's not late at all (it's only been four days), but I was bored...

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/26/07 14:10 · For: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss
Oh. My. Goodness. You had my heart going a mile an minute! I'm so glad that Jordan didn't truly go over the dark side, though I'm sorry to admit it, I believed you for a minute.

Author's Response: Did I not answer this review? Well, thank you! Don't feel bad, I expected you to believe that Jordan was teh EBILNESS.

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/26/07 13:57 · For: Chapter 8: In Which Havoc Is Wreaked
Uh-Oh. I am, to put it to a head, anxious, worried, uneasy, concerned, and suspious about Jordan.

Author's Response: Well, see what happens!

Name: HPisgreat72 (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 23:02 · For: Chapter 1: In Which The Stage Is Set
liking it so far, even if it is a bit different to what we would expect from you.

Author's Response: Thanks, I think it gets a LOT better after this chapter. I stink at openings. But there's lots of exciting stuff to come.

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 21:05 · For: Chapter 7: In Which Hogwarts Gets Its Groove On
Nice chapter! I loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks! ^_^ I had a lot of fun writing it!

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 20:49 · For: Chapter 6: In Which Ted Has Quite A Bad Hair Day
ahhhhh!! *screams in fright* Burn the scary package!
okay, now that that is out of my system, I can say how sweet Ted's part of the chapter was. There's nothing like your pals in hard times.

Author's Response: *Hugs Ted* Thanks! Ted's so adorable... I wish he was real.

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 20:39 · For: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss
Woah. I almost believed Jordan had gone bad... *phew*... Anyway, amazing chapter! I loved it! I really liked Haley's plan! And I loved Jordan in this chapter! It just all went together so well! I can't believe this is the penultimate chapter though! This fic has been great! I love your characters! I can't wait to read the next chapter... and a sequel? :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I always love your reviews. This is actually a trilogy, so there's PLENTY to come! I kind of got really attached to my characters... I scare (some) of my friends because I talk about them like real people! I say some of my friends, because many of my friends have already read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy and talk about them like real people with me.

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 20:12 · For: Chapter 5: In Which Christmas Isn't Really All That Jolly
wow. Ted is like the coolest guy ever! He's what I'd want to be in a situation like that.

Author's Response: Yeah, I love Ted. I'd want to be like Ted, too! Only... female... yeaaaah...

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