Well, I have reviewed this before, but it was a long time ago, and I'll admit I didn't really take it all in as much as I have this time around. So, I'm here to give a better, proper review.
First, let me just say that I simply adore this song. It is definitely in my top five favorite Beatle songs, and you put it to great use here. I love the irony of the choice, too, because its such a happy song and you made it slightly tragic without even including the lyrics in the fic. I think I like that best of all, that its not a song fic at all but that the song song is a symbol for something much bigger.
I only have one small nitpick about it.
Once he had sung, side-by-side with Black, an entire Beatles song, with tunes hummed by Evans during one of Slughorn's detentions.
I chose that just to backup what I'm about to say. Now, the problem I have with it isn't really the whole Sirius/Snape thing. Its actually that I don't know how Sirius would know an entire Beatles song in the first place. Lily I could understand, and possibly Snape, through her. But Black? That just doesn't seem likely, seeing as he was pureblood. Then again, Sirius did like to defy his parents in ways like that, and the Beatles are a band I could definitely see him liking under such circumstances. It would just depend on when and why. Therefore, I don't think its such a big deal, and I'm not even sure how you would explain all that and still keep it beautiful. Sirius isn't the focus, after all. Its just something I thought and wondered about.
They couldn't hate during a song about happiness. They couldn't hate singing the words of a pacifist and his friends. And wasn't it funny that two of those friends, from that peacemaker band, were dead too? Wasn't it funny how people could become a past tense in a second, and how is turned to was and used to be?
These are my absolute favorite lines, from the wonderful allusions to the Beatles to the views of death. Its just so beautifully written.
I'm really not a fan of Snape, but I actually felt for him in this fic. I think its again that combination of the song and your way of writing. From the very beginning, even when I wasn't sure who it was, you set the mood well and instantly instilled in the reader this sense of pain and loss, and you did it well. Its not something one usually sees with Snape, and you handled what can be a very sensitive topic in the gentlest way.
At first, I was a bit wary of the POV, how first person doesn't come into play until later in the one-shot so that it seems like third in places and first in others. But really, after reading it, you don't even notice it. That's usually something that jumps out at me, big flashing lights in my head, but that didn't happen here because it was all woven together very well. It just seemed natural and right, and I liked it.
And lastly, I must comment on Lupin. It was a great thought on your part to have it come from him, especially at the end.
I'm the only one who still thinks he's getting there, anymore. I'm the only one who listens to him when he hums, or brakes into a rare verse. I can't go until he's better, because I owe him at least that for saving my life. I can't go until he stops singing his infernal song - until the sun comes.
This is such a heart-wrenching, beautiful line, and the perfect ending to the fic. I also think its a great bit of characterization, because I believe that of them all, Remus would definitely be the one to stay. I really can't express anymore just how much I love that ending.
I had a few technical nitpicks as well, like the 'and and' and the 'forgotten' but someone has already pointed them out. So all in all, an absolutely astounding little fic, even more so considering its so short. So much captured in so few words. Well done, dear.
And of course I must thank you for taking a song I love and using it for something just as wonderful. [hugs]
This was a great fic, I must say. I really enjoyed it.
Can people really be referred to as past objects? … How long ago is used to be? That’s a perfect way to start this fic. Immediately we’re thinking about that ‘past tense,’ so we’re thinking about death and memories and what-used-to-be. The mood, then, is set perfectly. But it’s also just a really poignant sentiment – it’s something to think about, not just while reading this fic, but always.
The boys he knew had more life in them than they knew what to do with. The boys he knew surpassed him in height and beauty. Yet, for all their liveliness, the one thing that they really had failed to surpass him on was life itself. Those are just such a sad lines, but they’re perfect for what you’re writing and trying to convey (at least what I, as the reader, think you’re trying to portray). It’s sad anyway to think about people like the Marauders dying so young, but to think that they ‘had failed to surpass him on…life itself’? You’re breaking my heart. In the best way, of course, because this fic is wonderfully written.
In general, I’m really not a huge Snape fan. I’ve never even attempted writing him because I know I’d be rubbish, and I don’t read very many fics about him. But, this fic offers a completely different spin on things. It’s a unique look at Snape, and I’m really glad you wrote it.
And then there’s the song. Oh, The Beatles! I’ve always sort of associated The Beatles with the Marauders, just because. It’s terrible to think that he’ll hum ‘Here Comes the Sun,’ such a happy and hopeful song, until…well, forever. But it’s also, writing-wise, rather genius and poetic and made of awesome. You did a fantastic job with this piece, and I’m so happy I clicked on it. I will definitely have to read more of your work in the future.
that was so terribly sad.
but so terribly fantastic at the same time. excellent job, my dear.
I’ve always liked reading your fics, SM, and this was wasn’t a disappointment. You’ve got a certain style of writing that I love. Your characters, in a way, come alive and allows the reader to feel their pain and relate to them. That is something very rare in fanfiction but you seem to have a tight grip on that.
I don’t know if it was done on purpose but starting the fic, it seems that you are speaking of Peter Pettigrew. But when it gets down to a certain point you start to doubt if it was Peter.
Some parts of this was a tad confusing at times. It seems to change narrators/tenses a few times and it was a bit puzzling as to who you were speaking of. Apart from that, you’ve done a very nice job. There’s a hint of sadness in there that was nicely done to tie it all together.
There were not a lot of errors – just a couple minor ones.
Deaths are supposed to be mourned over and then quickly forgot.
“Forgot” should be “forgotten”.
He can't assign them a setting and location and stick them into a time line to be forgot.
Same minor error here also.
There are boys who look so utterly alive that he cannot help but to loathe them, and there are boys so nostalgic and and two dimensional that he sets aside old differences so as not to tarnish a vulnerable memory.
One of the bolded ‘ands’ should go.
Once again, very nice job!
that was so sad.
it was like poetry.
i liked it alot.
I don't really get it. But i love the song here comes the sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!