MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
12/01/07 17:16 · For:
This story is great! It's cute and funny. This part made me laugh for so long:
Name: Cinderella Angelina
Ted took a gulp of his coffee. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “you remind me of myself.”
“That’s great,” she muttered. “I’m a reminder of a dilapidated old man. Let’s see where this is going.”
“No, comedian,” he replied, “your taste in guys.”
“Huh?” asked Tonks. “Don’t tell me you’re having an affair with a gay werewolf behind my mother’s back. She might hurl one of old cauldrons at you.”
Author's Response: Thanks!
(Signed) · Date:
11/26/07 19:56 · For:
I really think you did the reactions between Andromeda and her daughter quite well. When I thought about it, that is exactly how both of them would act. In your other stories you’ve shown how Andromeda was raised, and that characterization continued in this fic. And we know from canon that Tonks and her mom didn’t get along so well, so with Tonks being all defensive all the time, I thought that was good.
Something that confused me was the flashbacks. At first it seemed like you were arbitrarily italicizing portions of your story, but then I figured out that they were flashbacks – you wouldn’t want to use “had” in front of all your verbs, so I totally understand that. I think what confused me is there wasn’t really a static “present,” so to speak. While Tonks was thinking about all these conversations, where was she? It’s not until the end we find out that she’s in some room with a window and Remus nearby. It’d be nice to have some setting to this story.
I liked the disagreement between Tonks and Andromeda. It was totally right on for both of them – a worried mother and a defiant daughter that are both sure they’re right. I was confused about that, too, though. Where was Remus during all of this? Was he listening to what Andromeda was saying about him, or was he elsewhere? I felt bad for Ted, caught in the middle of that.
The father-daughter dynamic was really fun to read. They get along really well, we can see that. And when Remus laughed at all Ted’s jokes it reminded me of my own father. At the end, too, when Remus divulges his selfish motives for going to visit Mum, that makes me laugh.
One more thing that threw me off: When Delia the owl drops off a roll of parchment, Tonks ends up reading 2 rolls of parchment. That was weird.
Let’s see, a couple nitpicks:
A werewolf isn’t exactly cuddly.” Anyway, I approve of Remus.” An extra little quotation mark there.
“Is everything alright,” he asked worriedly. If he’s asking something, you need to use a question mark. Also, I’m pretty sure that “alright” isn’t a word, despite my word processor assuring me it is. I prefer “all right.”
I liked your last line. :) It was a nice ending. Hee. Have a nice day and good job! *D*
Author's Response: Thanks! I had a lot of problems writing this fic, so it's good to have some feedback on it. I'm glad you liked the relationship between Tonks and her parents; it was one of the things I really wanted to stand out about the story. I have a hard time with flashbacks and connecting them to the current action, so I'll definitely try to include more about the setting. Thanks for your review! ~ Teresa
(Signed) · Date:
06/19/07 17:14 · For:
*sniff* i thought that Tonk's mother was NOT a predjudiced pureblood like the rest of the Blacks (except for sirius of course) though. anyway, good story!!
Author's Response: Thanks! I wasn't trying to make Andromeda prejudiced. The reason she's a little iffy about Remus is because she is a worried mother. She's sees the huge age difference and freaks out. The fact that he is werewolf frightens her even more. She doesn't want her daughter to get hurt, and she's afriad Remus might Tonks.