MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: lily_death_flower (Signed) · Date: 02/28/08 19:53 · For: Chapter 1
great fic! good job!

Author's Response: Great! I'm glad you liked it!

Name: harryandginnyrock (Signed) · Date: 02/18/08 17:55 · For: Chapter 1
its good but u didn't finish it. atleast i think so. but trust me it was pretty good. just could u pleez write a sequal or sumthing?

Author's Response: Ah ha! But see, little pinecone, I already have. :D If you check my author's page you can find the links to the two sequels. Thank you for your review!

Name: Tweak (Signed) · Date: 08/28/07 15:12 · For: Chapter 1
Whoop, whoop! I'm rootin' for James! Great fic!!

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks. I'm glad you like my version of James.

Name: cairyangel (Signed) · Date: 08/19/07 3:31 · For: Chapter 1
nice beginning :) yay for james n his perseverance!

Author's Response: Thank you.

Name: ayano (Signed) · Date: 08/18/07 9:14 · For: Chapter 1

Author's Response: I'll let him know you're rooting for him.

Name: thesmart1 (Signed) · Date: 07/09/07 2:36 · For: Chapter 1
that's cute. You ought to write another chapter. Frankly, the ending was abrupt and the plot left hanging. If you're gonna do another chapter-- or sequel--great. If you are, then rest assured I will read it.

Author's Response: "Cute." Aww.... now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm writing the sequel at the moment, so hopefully it will be posted. Until then, thanks for the review!

Name: bbbubb (Signed) · Date: 07/07/07 10:06 · For: Chapter 1
really good so far

Author's Response: Um... Thanks again!

Name: bbbubb (Signed) · Date: 07/07/07 10:06 · For: Chapter 1
really good so far

Author's Response: Thanks!

Name: laurskii (Signed) · Date: 07/02/07 13:06 · For: Chapter 1

That was quite the cute love story. It was different from what we usually see on James and Lily--usually it's that she hated him from the start, then around third year he starts asking her out, and then around seventh she finally admits she's liked him all these years. Very cute, and very well-written. I'd like to see more from you.

You should post around Slytherin more, we're all quite friendly :)

(: Laurena

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments. Hopefully there WILL be more! Never had much to post in the Slyth CR, but I've just joined the Conga, so you should see me around there at least.

Name: crumple_horned_snorkack (Signed) · Date: 06/28/07 20:50 · For: Chapter 1
Aw, poor James. hehe I like the idea that they were friends, that's different than most stories. Good job, I enjoyed it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. That's what I was going for!

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 06/24/07 16:43 · For: Chapter 1
Congratulations with having your first story validated.

It's not often you see a story where the couple had started out as friends. I believe it is because it grows harder to incorporate that infamous scene from OotP. Interesting to see that you chose to start them off as friends.

Even more interesting is how you managed to explain that scene in OotP, though the way you did it seems too sudden. I would've liked to see James' and Lily's character change in a slower way so that I could actually believe and see such a change take place. It seems rather drastic of Lily to go from a shy "no" to a "you're-such-a-toe-rag no." I think you could've done a better job going more in-depth there.

I do like how you showed the rumors that were flying around that first encounter. It makes me wonder why James asked her and why she'd said no as well. Interesting theories students can come up with from time to time, huh?

But, for James, the option to move on had already disappeared.

I would've liked a better explanation as to why James persisted on this wild goose chase, earning him evil looks, whispers, and blows to his ego (speaking of ego, where is that arrogant boy we'd seen in OotP?). Why does James continue to chase this girl who used to be shy and nice and now was cold and wicked (a side of Lily I didn't think had existed according to the Harry Potter series)?

I like the way you incorporate so many details and descriptions from a narrator's point of view. However, I think you would've done better with this story if you follow what we mods call "Show, don't tell." The narration of the story was marvelous and seems to be straight from the horse's mouth. But, I believe this story could've been much more dramatic and enjoyable if you simply showed instances where Sirius did set James up or when James continued to pursue Lily.

I think this story overall could've used a bit more work, though there were parts of the chapter that I did enjoy. I hope to see more of your work and your improvement.

Finally, I'm not sure if you're done with this story or not. From the ending of this chapter, it seems that you have more. After all, I know of no James/Lily story that ends simply with James still pining after the unattainable Lily. But you indicate, under your story, that you are indeed through with this story. You may want to indicate that this story is not complete.

Author's Response: I might be adding on a sequel or two to this one, but my plot bunny still needs work. I'm sorry I didn't add in some more detailed scenes between James and Lily. I know it definitely could've used them, but I was scared to drag the story on for too long. Since it was my first fic, I didn't really want to make multiple chapters out of it either. Somehow I've gotten the idea that maybe James himself didn't know why he was chasing her. For unexplainable reasons he felt the need to follow after her and soon became too obsessed to give up. I wasn't trying to solve anyone's questions, only Rowling can do that, and that's why I left it off so open to speculation. I appreciate your review, though! Don't think I'm disregarding it with excuses! There are still a lot of things I could improve on as a writer and that's why your response is so helpful because it points those things out. Thank you so so much!!!

Name: Kathyhermy123 (Signed) · Date: 06/19/07 3:12 · For: Chapter 1
Hey!!!!!!!!! Great job! I'm glad to see it submitted!

Author's Response: THANKS!!! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!! :D

Name: pottergurl92 (Signed) · Date: 06/17/07 19:29 · For: Chapter 1
Is there a continuation?
This is really really good!!!!!

Author's Response: There might be! The plot bunny needs to grow a bit more first. Thanks for the review, though. I'm glad you liked it!

Name: emLILY EVANS (Signed) · Date: 06/17/07 18:49 · For: Chapter 1
wow that story was great i liked it a lot

Author's Response: Cool! Thank you so much!

Name: beautifulromantic (Signed) · Date: 06/17/07 18:14 · For: Chapter 1
Awww, that's so sweet! I like the take that they used to be friends.

Author's Response: Yeah, I thought if they were friends it would give James more reason to chase after Lily. I'm happy I went with that, now!

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