Hello! I normally never venture into poetry, but I find myself doing that now, and I believe a review for your wonderful poem is in order. First, I’d like to point out that I don’t know much about poetry, just the basics. I must say though, I really enjoyed reading this piece, mainly because the story isn’t altogether clear, which means it can translate into several different meanings for anyone who reads it (whether they see it as some other pair in the fandom, relate it to their own life or see something completely different than what is meant). And that’s something that always makes a poem enjoyable.
First, I simply must comment on the unnatural rhythm to the piece, one that I haven’t see before. For some, this might not be a good thing, but for me, it shows that not all poetry has to be in balance for it to touch a chord with the reader. For instance: “Every two heartbeats, it’s you and me who threads, Hand in hand, touch surges through my blood; that sweet, blessed caress…” There really is no pattern to be found here, but I find that it makes no difference, as it paces itself like it should, so, sensual, and caring.
To fit in a tiny bit of crit: “As celestial green Wind swivels through two beats of white, bridal, bridle sash…” I’m not exactly sure why “wind” is capitalized here and, if it needs to be, what it is a metaphor for. I do like your use of “celestial”, however, because it’s a word not often used in regular fan fiction, let alone poetry.
“Waters fall, and rhythms fade when I look into your eyes - your perfect cadence - And the last droplet of light leaves your eyes, and glides…” This strikes me as the most important moment in the poem, when Harry dies, and Ginny sees the last bit of life flicker out, like a light bulb. It’s an incredibly sad moment, and I do enjoy how you describe to us what happens in that single moment when Harry is murdered - “Waters fall, and rhythms fade…” Ginny loses touch of everything around her, and only sees Harry falling (how I envision it) paints a profound portrait. Very nice. To fit in a last bit of crit, the comma after “fall” should be removed.
Overall, very nice. I enjoyed it, and I’m sure others have too. : )
Oh, it was so beautiful and sad. You have a lovely use of imagery; you felt the emotion through the pictures you portrayed. I love how each stanza has a separate meaning in each one. The eloquence in your writing is almost haunting; I had to reread this out loud just so I could hear the words. It was beautiful. Great job! :]
Author's Response: Thank you!... for everything you said =))