A beautifully-written poem with some fantastic imagery and uses of alliteration ("the silver slithering Snake"). However, I felt there could have been more references to HP within the poem's context. The Snake and Phoenix are there, of course, but I think it might have worked better if we, the readers, knew who the "I" in question was ("I must be left,
behind"). I also wonder why swords are mentioned when wizards fight with wands... are you referencing the sword of Godric Gryffindor? Or is it supposed to be a metaphor?
I thought this line was excellent: "Touch my tears with your lips/Touch my war with your fingertips" - repetition and a dash of rhyme made it stand right out from the rest of the verse. However, again, I was unsure who the 'you' was. Perhaps you were just trying to convey the confusion of war, or the nameless nature of soldiers?
The poem itself was beautiful, however, so perhaps, in this case, clarity is not necessary.
Author's Response: Ok so I wrote this whole lenghty response but the computer erased it -- so I'm frustrated a bit with it, I'll re-type in a few hours. In the meanme thank you so much for the awesome review.
Author's Response: Hey, finally I can respond to this... my internet went crazy and I couldn't submit anything for quite a while! I have to admit, when I wrote it, everything seemed so clear to me - as to what was initially happening. But I guess along the way, I put in so much symbolism and imagery that the meaning dispersed... So, the "I" in question is Dumbledore - falling down from the Lightning-Struck Tower. Many probably know that the Lightning-Struck Tower is a Tarot Card from the Major Arcana; symbolises death but also passage for the Hero to pass through to get closer towards the ultimate Enlightment. It is an important link in the "chain" of Knowledge. Most words and imagery in this poem essentially refer to this particular meaning. Thus, this poem is based on the circular motion and repetition. Now, the "I" is Dumbledore; as he is the Phoenix. In the poem, the Phoenix is "dancing" with the "silver slithering Snake", like you pointed out. There's alliteration there and the S of Snake is capitalized to emphazise this particular phrase; this is the Dark Mark. That is where the references of "green" etc. come from, since the "red and gold" symbolize Dumbledore and thus courage. But entirely, the whole poem and scene told is an extended metaphor. The "swords" and "blood" is symbolic; the poem essentially symbolizes war - good vs. evil. You see, the Snake is always described as "endless but last"... The endless means that the core "evil", does not end; it exists in continuity. But the Mark is also "last" because the period for the sentence arrives with death. In this case, so is the Phoenix: it is endless and in harmony with eternity. That is why the Phoenix both Falls and fades, as well as Rises into the sunset. The You, in this case, would be, in a nutshell that Dark Mark, whereas if taken for the entire meaning, Evil and the Dark Side as a whole. Thank you so much for your review, I'm sorry once again that I responded so late... I loved your review and thank you again for pointing out what you thought!! Senem.