Sorry it took me so long to leave a review, but I just finished my own and have finally gotten around to reading your finished product.
Wonderful job! I think this turned out really well - the rhythm flows nicely and the rhymes don't ever seem forced. The turn is *great*, one of the best turns I've read in the entries so far. It really helps define the couple you are referring to. I definitely think it fits Lucius and Narcissa, and I think it could apply to their son as well.
Again - great job, and good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Hey Gina! I'm glad you like it! Thanks so much for all your beta help! Best of luck to you as well!
Sorry about my first review, I think I confuzzled myself. I read something wrong or something, I have no clue why I thought/asked that. I'm just as confused as you were. : )
Again this is an amazing poem!
Author's Response: That's okay! Glad you like it!
Wow CJ! I love the mood of this poem, there really is an essence of thrill about it. :) I really like your use of language in the first two stanzas: "true, pure joy", "safe and free" etc, all work really well in conveying the fast pace and carefree mood of their relationship.
I love the turn in the final stanza, especially how you jump into this turn really suddenly with "false, a liar, decoy". It's almost like reflecting a sudden/unexpected betrayal. And descpite that, Narcissa still says 'few fill me up'. It gave me the image of Lucius as one of those bad-boy types? The sort thatyou know you should stay away from but can't... *giggle*
Very well written poem, good job! Best if luck in the challenge!
&& by the way, just thought I'd point out that on your author page it was me who made the banner for this poem, not Alyssa. Lol ;)
Author's Response: Thanks Suzie! I'm glad you liked it! Its funny how you liked the sudden turn, but others didn't. Hmmmm.... OMGodric! I am so sorry! *changes it* CJ
*squishes fellow Gryffindor* Hey! I was so excited that someone wrote a Lucius/Narcissa Rondeau (one of my favorite ships), and even more excited when I read it. This is excellent! It totally seemed to describe their relationship, though I have to agree with Kate when she said it seemed sudden. Then again, it is a Rondeau, and considering how short it is, it's hard to slow down the pace. Anyways, other than that, it was beautiful, a true work of art. Good luck with the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks, Laila! I'm glad you liked it! CJ
I love this poem, CJ, you have a lot of talent. *hugs* I just have a few nitpicks. I know you won't be able to do much about them due to the type of poem this is *glares at eight syllables per line*, but here they are, anyway.
To me, the turn in the last verse seemed a bit too sudden. It was all happy then BAM! it was angry and darker. What changed Narcissa's mind? How did she find out he was a decoy? From his 'ludicrous decree'? *loves that word: ludicrous* I believe it is because she learned she would have to be his toy, right? But anyway, my point is is that it seemed a bit sudden. ;-) That's why I think the first reviewer was a bit confused, but that's just me.
Other than that, though, this was a really amazing rondeau, CJ. You DO have a ton of talent. It's just so amazing. *envies*
My favorite part: Through good and bad, he stays with me,
So that Iím always safe and free.
I know, it's happy! *gasps* but, anyway, I liked that part a lot - it was really sweet, in my opinion.
Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kate! Glad you could stop by! Hmm...it is a bit sudden, but how to you ease into it? It isn't much of a 'turn' then... Good luck to you too! You're an amazing poet, I'm sure you'll do awesome!
Yay, CJ! I'm so excited! This is awesomeness, and I'm very proud. Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks, Abby! I'm excited too! Its funny, you knew before me... : )
Oh wow. Yes I think it fits them. The turn in the last stanza was wonderful. It shifted from Lucius to Narcissia, right? Anyway the last stanza is my favorite part. Really amazing job on this.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! What exactly do you mean by shifted from Lucius to Narcissa....I didn't really understand what you were asking...